This is a post written out of anger, anger about the abuse that happens to children in this county and around the world.  It is written from the perspective of an abused child, a truly abused child.  It is not meant to be a condemnation of good parents who sometimes have a bad day.  It is meant to capture the voice of a child who cannot speak for herself, and what she might say to the parents who do not protect, defend, and cherish her, when she’s old enough to realize that they should.

 

I Know Why You Had Kids

I know why you had kids.

You had kids so you could be bigger than someone.

Stronger than someone.

Louder than someone.

You had kids because you had something to prove.

What does making babies prove?

I know why you had kids.

You had kids because you could.

You didn’t think about if you should.

And now you’re mad because you have to.

I wasn’t there when you made the decision

But somehow, it’s all my fault.

I know why you had kids.

You had kids so you could yell when you’re angry.

So everyone knows how bad I am,

And how hard you have it.

It feels good to say shut-up when you’re angry.

But it doesn’t feel good to hear it.

I know why you had kids.

You had kids because it was easy.

Now you say you don’t know how to do this.

But I didn’t know how to walk, and I learned.

I didn’t know how to talk, but I learned.

I didn’t know how to fight back, but I learned.

I know why you had kids.

You had kids because you wanted a pet, a toy.

You thought you could pick me up,

And put me down whenever you wanted.

You didn’t know I would still be there,

When you didn’t feel like it anymore.

I know why you had kids.

You had kids because you thought he’d stay.

Thought he’d love you now.

Or give you some attention.

All you wanted was some attention.

But he’s gone and all you have is me.

I know why you had kids.

You wanted something you’d never gotten,

Something you couldn’t give.

You wanted someone to love you,

All the time.

I wish I didn’t love you all the time.

I know why you had kids.

And it didn’t turn out like you thought.

But maybe it can.  Maybe you can step up.

Grow up.  Give up yourself.

Be the kind of parent you need to be,

So I don’t become the kind of person you are.