motherhood Archives - Page 22 of 32

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Variety {Day 22}

New here? Click here to start at the beginning of the series.

The first winter we lived in the Pacific Northwest, we broke a record for the wettest winter in the history of man. The clouds dripped cold, wet rain until it felt like it might even rain in the house. One day, I lifted the shades in the bedroom and found moss growing up the insides of the windows.

Starbucks enjoyed a nice boost of business that year. So did the library and the McDonald’s that had the indoor playground. So did the doctor’s offices, because all those places were filled with drippy-nosed children who hadn’t seen the light of day in months. The germs went wild.

Meanwhile, my mommy friends and I plotted to hijack a plane and force it to deposit the frizzy-haired, fleece-clad lot of us in Hawaii. Or Arizona. Actually, we’d be happy if the plane simply flew up over the cloud cover so we see that the sun was still there. Beautiful sun.

We were all suffocating under the monotony of endless sameness. Every day, the same gray clouds pressed down. Every day, the same icy rain kept us inside. Every day, our waking hours exceeded our creativity by at least six times. We were grumpy.

What was lacking that winter was anything new. We all felt like we were shriveling up even in the midst of all that rain.

It became painfully obvious that we needed some variety.

Most of us already knew that. “Variety is the spice of life,” right? But that winter, we felt it.

Mothers need variety. Children need variety. Without it, life becomes exceedingly boring, even wearisome. Children often respond to that boredom by acting out. Mothers often respond to that boredom by becoming depressed, short-tempered, or withdrawn. It’s a bad combination.

But change, even a little bit of change, can breathe new life into a dreary day. It helps us to enjoy our children more because change is restorative. It awakens a part of our soul that was created by an infinitely creative God. With abandon, He filled the darkest corners of the earth and the deepest depths of the ocean with strange and beautiful things. The universe is so full of the treasures of His Creation we will never come to the end of them. Man has tramped all over this world, and yet he has only begun to discover the inventions of a God who did not limit Himself when creating this home for us.

Remarkably, the God who ordered everything so perfectly also made everything so perfectly unique. Every blade of grass is the same in its composition, yet each one differs in its form. Each snowflake is just as much a snowflake as the next, yet no two are alike. Each day, the sun rises and sets in the same way, yet every day is new.

Bringing variety into our homes is one of the ways we reflect the image of God. God is creative, and when we are creative, we are like Him. None of us is creative to the same degree as God, of course, and we do not all reflect this aspect of His character to the same degree. I am often humbled when I see the creativity of others that is much more like the creativity of God than my own.

But to be creative does not mean I have to come up with the ideas myself. It means to create, using whatever resources are available, even the ideas and inspiration of others. That’s why God made Pinterest.

If you find yourself getting into a rut with your children, and each day seems mundane and uninspiring, and you find yourself lacking enjoyment of them, it might be time to get creative. Look for ways you can bring some newness and change into your home.

Not everyone thrives on the same amount of change or even the same types of change, but even very simple things like a fresh haircut or getting new books at the library can make you and your child feel renewed. It can spark fresh excitement and enjoyment in your relationship.

Here are some ideas:

*Do a toy swap with a friend. What could be more fun than having some new toys or puzzles to play with for the week?

*Have a picnic lunch on the living room floor, complete with blankets and lemonade.

*Help your child decorate her room.

*Take the kids out of school for the day and go do something special as a family.

*Take a different way home, or follow a road and see where it goes.

*Eat at an ethnic restaurant you’ve never tried before, or research a country and make your own ethnic cuisine. Don’t forget to decorate appropriately!

*Try a new craft! Have your kids ever used pastels? Clay? Beads? Check out Pinterest for an endless supply of ideas. Pick one and surprise the kids.

*Rearrange the furniture.

*Eat by candlelight.

*Get out your old CDs and educate your children on “good music.” Don’t forget to dance!

*Throw a tea party.

*Play a physical game with your kids, like tag or Twister.

*Slip love notes to your kids under their doors.

*Plan a day trip! Don’t tell your kids where you’re going. Just load them up in the car and let them writhe with anticipation.

*Create a scavenger hunt in the house or yard.

*Visit the elderly. Bring a list of questions and try to learn more about what life was like many years ago.

*Hide Easter eggs…in January.

*Get new coloring books and crayons. Don’t skimp on the new crayons. It’s fun.

*Make a new dessert. Let the kids pick!

*Choose a family to bless. Make up a basket of goodies, personal products, or food items and drop it off on their doorstep. If you live in the city, create gift bags full of sample products, non-perishable food items, and other necessities and hand-deliver them to a panhandler.

*Make and send cards to a deployed soldier.

*Make pretzels. Let the kids shape their own!

*See how big of a blanket fort you can make.

*Put everyone’s name in a bowl and let each person draw a name. Spend the day doing special things for the person you picked.

These are just ideas to get you started. The possibilities are endless, just like the creativity of God. Why not pick one thing to do this weekend to breathe some newness and creativity into your home. You will find that you and your children enjoy the change.

Need variety ? Throw a toga party.

Please join us on Monday for Day 23. Only eight days left!

For further thought:

1) Some children struggle with change. If you have a child who does not like most types of change, you may need to focus on making the changes less dramatic, like changing your own bedroom or simply putting fresh flowers on the table. Don’t let your child’s uncertainty keep you from doing anything at all. Simply do things more slowly.

2) We learned in our post on constancy that creativity without constancy is chaos. Even though creativity is one aspect of God’s character, so is order. If you are a very creative person, you may need to learn to balance your creativity with some structure so your children don’t feel like they’re living in a state of chaos. Read the creation account of Genesis 1. Notice how God ordered His creation to reflect both aspects of His character. Does your home reflect both order and creativity?

3) What are some of the ways you have introduced variety into your home? How do you keep things interesting and new? Please share in the comments!

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Plans {Day 21}

The beginning is a great place to start! Click here for Day 1.

I know of a young woman who planned great things for her life. She was simple and came from humble surroundings, but like all girls her age, big dreams filled her heart. She thought about getting married and having a home of her own. She dreamed about rocking babies and raising a slew of children with the man she loved.

Then one day, all those plans seemed to fall apart. She was pregnant. She! The good girl, the one who always did everything right, she was going to have a baby. It wouldn’t matter that it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t do anything wrong—people would look at her differently. People would always wonder, maybe even her beloved.

All the plans in her heart came crashing down.

Yet somehow, she still trusted that God was directing her steps, and that God was leading her to the best possible place. When the circumstances of her life seemed most terrifying, she said, “I am the bondslave of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”

Her name was Mary, and the interruption of her plans involved the birth of our Savior. It was a plan that guaranteed her humiliation and removed her security. But she embraced it wholeheartedly.

Every time I read of Mary’s response to the Lord’s interruption to her life, I am astounded. She understood that her life was not her own, and she held her plans loosely in her hands.

I am not that way.

Many of my most frustrating parenting moments have come about because my plans have failed and I have not reacted by opening my hands to God’s new purposes. I do not always allow Him to direct my steps without a struggle, and I can’t seem to enjoy my children if the plan changes mid-morning or fails altogether.

Sometimes, the plans that fail are ordinary, like my plan to get to church on time that is derailed by children who do not eat fast enough or get dressed quickly enough. Sometimes, the plans I have are bigger, like the plan to buy a house, change jobs or balance a budget. What happens when the house falls through, the job doesn’t manifest, or an unexpected expense kills the budget? I usually fail to see God’s purposes in my failed plans.

Many, many, many are the plans in my heart. But it is God’s way to mess with the plans of men, to take us from a place of self-confidence and lead us to a place of faith. We see it Moses, who planned to fade into obscurity but was led instead to a burning bush in the middle of a desert and into a ministry he never wanted. We see it in Joseph, who planned to live a comfortable life under his father’s blessing, but ended up rotting in captivity in Egypt while his brothers got away with murder. We see it in Jacob, who planned to marry the pretty daughter. But he got the other one instead.

In every single one of these instances, God was found in the change of plans. God was leading His child to the place where He was.

It is important to understand that God does not lead us where He does not intend to meet us. He did not do it to our forefathers, and He does not do it to us. But we must hold His hand and walk by faith to get there.

Think of Abraham, who had to climb up the mountain with wood and a knife and the child of promise, the boy they had named Laughter for the remarkable way God had brought him about. Abraham had to be willing to let go of his own dreams and climb up the mountain in faith in order to see the hand of God in what seemed to be an unholy change of plan. If he had not gone, he would have missed it.

When your plans go awry, make it a practice to look for the presence of God. He has not led you into the wilderness to die; He has led you into the wilderness to show you a bush aflame with His glory. He has led you there to show you water from a rock and manna from heaven. He is there, waiting for you to take off your shoes, open your hands, and say, “Be it unto me according to your plan.”

If God is directing you steps, it means He is near enough to hold your hand. He is near enough to keep your steps from falling even though the path is uncharted. He stands next to you with the pot of burning oatmeal or the unexpected bill and He says to you, “Look for me here!”

Can you see God in the unexpected places today? Can you see Him in the change of plans or the interrupted schedule? If you can open your hands and walk in faith the place God has planned for you, you will find greater peace and contentment because that is where God is.

The mind of man plans his way. But the LORD directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

For further thought:

1) Think of an instance when God has allowed you to go through a change of plans in order to lead you to a better place. How did God protect or provide for you by allowing your plans to fail?

2) Read the birth story of Jesus in Luke 1. Would you have been able to respond the way Mary did? How can you be more open to God’s will today?

3) Memorize Proverbs 16:9. Encourage yourself with those words when it seems that all your plans are coming undone. Then, look for God in the place where He leads.

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Food {Day 20}

New to the series? Find Day 1 here.

According to the paperwork, Rosario was three years old when the authorities delivered her to the orphanage gates late one night. Her frail little body did not seem old enough to be three. She was so malnourished, her feet fit into newborn baby shoes.

Rosario’s big, black eyes were the only thing that betrayed her age. They were not innocent like baby eyes. Those eyes had seen too much.

Immediately, we went to the kitchen to find food for Rosie. The older children gathered around, delighted to be able to watch this starving little girl eat, delighted to be able to help fill her stomach for the first time in her life.

Rosario’s empty black eyes stared blankly at the plate. She did not know what to do with it. She flinched at the spoon when I tried to feed her.

I had been to the shanty town where Rosario had been found. I had seen the makeshift structures next to the railroad tracks where whole families tried to survive. I had seen the children crawling on the garbage heaps, barefoot, bleeding, and hungry. Most of their waking hours were spent in the pursuit of food.

We learned that often, Rosario’s family had absolutely nothing to eat. They mixed sugar water and fed it to the little girl to keep her from screaming with hunger.

When I came back to the States, I experienced a bit of culture shock, not because things were so very different, but because they were so much the same. We are suffering from malnutrition, from chronic exposure to poor and insufficient food choices, and our children are bearing the consequences.

The only difference is, we do it willingly.

Most people know that food impacts human health and behavior. That’s why most women improve their diets as soon as they find out they’re pregnant. They give up coffee, eat more protein, drink more water, and consume large amounts of prenatal vitamins. Why do they do that? Because they know they only get one chance to grow that baby, and most women want to do it right.

But babies don’t stop growing once they come out of the womb. That little body will continue to grow and develop for years. Even as an adult, that child will need proper nutrition to perform optimally, avoid illness, and feel her best. Yet most parents do not remain as fastidious about their child’s nutrition as they were in the first nine months of life even though they know that children are impacted by what they eat.

The problem is, we are unwilling to use our great knowledge, incredible wealth, and unprecedented access to healthy food to make different choices for ourselves or our children. We line up our minivans in the McDonald’s drive thru to purchase “food” that is counter- nutritional because it is convenient to us and has the benefit of making our kids feel full with the least amount of work or drama.

We willingly give them their daily dose of sugar water.

We see the results in the way our children behave. When my children eat poorly, they act poorly. Their bodies simply cannot handle a rush of sugar, preservatives, or artificial, processed garbage that is in most of the food targeted at children. Their systems are overwhelmed and they act accordingly.

When I feed them garbage because it is convenient for me, and then expect them to behave as if they have been nourished properly, I am not loving them. I am exasperating them.

I am being too harsh, surely. Perhaps I do not understand how hard it is to cook every day or work or take care of children. Perhaps I do not understand how much it costs to purchase unprocessed or fresh foods. Perhaps I do not understand that children would much prefer to eat a French fry than a baked sweet potato.

I understand the struggle. I am in the struggle. But I also know this:

Americans spend nearly five hours a day watching TV and less than half-an-hour a day preparing food.

Americans spend less than 10% of their income on food, the lowest percentage in the entire world. However, we spend about 5.6% of our total income on fast food, the highest percentage in the world.

Over the past 40 years, Americans have increased their caloric intake by over 500 calories a day. Only 13 of those extra calories came from fruits and vegetables.

25% of the vegetable calories most American children consume come from French fries or potato chips.

Americans spend over $110 billion dollars annually on fast food.

I just can’t accept the fact that we, privileged Americans, can’t do any better than that. I think we can. My conviction is this: we should use our resources to purchase and prepare the best food we can afford for our families. It is one of the great privileges and obligations of living with enough.

By “best,” I do not mean the most expensive. Eating well does not mean living richly. It means making deliberate, often simplified choices so your money buys more nutrition. It means refusing to trade your health for the sake of convenience. It means making the choice to feed your kids in a way that continues to build their bodies and sets them up for long-term health. It means guarding your energy by eating things that make you more alive, and refusing to eat the things that will cause you to crash an hour down the road.

I know it is overwhelming. Start small. Start with yourself. Cut out the foods that impact you negatively so that you can have the energy you need to enjoy your children. Start with the white stuff: sugar, white flour, white rice, etc. You may not even realize how these empty calories rob you of energy until you let them go. Start today.

Then, become educated. We have resources and options that other countries simply do not have. Use them.

It has taken me ten years to acquire the knowledge and resources I now have to make good food choices for my family. We have had a very limited budget and very little time, but by the grace of God, the best I can do today is better than the best I could do ten years ago.

And I am still learning. I read books, watch videos, scour websites. I search craigslist for the equipment I need to make fresh foods. I beg friends for the extra produce from their gardens and orchards so we can eat better. I grow fruits and vegetables in my small yard so the kids have the pleasure of eating the things we planted. There is a way!

Feed your children deeply. Nourish yourself richly. You will find that you enjoy your family more because of it.

Join us tomorrow for Day 21

1) Colossians 3:21 encourages us not to exasperate our children. How does this passage relate to the way we provide them with the resources (including food) to feel and act their best?

2) Take some time to educate yourself on the food problem in America. Check out the movies Food, Inc., Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and Fast Food Nation. Exolore websites such as 100 Days of Real Food, Cheeseslave, and many more. Purchase and read the book Nourishing Traditions. Check out Azure Standard for economical sources of real food. Leave your best real food sources in the comments below so we can all learn and grow together.

3) Make a commitment to change one food habit in your home for the better. What can you do today to nourish your family more deeply?

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