This is a post written out of anger, anger about the abuse that happens to children in this county and around the world. It is written from the perspective of an abused child, a truly abused child. It is not meant to be a condemnation of good parents who sometimes have a bad day. It is meant to capture the voice of a child who cannot speak for herself, and what she might say to the parents who do not protect, defend, and cherish her, when she’s old enough to realize that they should.
I Know Why You Had Kids
I know why you had kids.
You had kids so you could be bigger than someone.
Stronger than someone.
Louder than someone.
You had kids because you had something to prove.
What does making babies prove?
I know why you had kids.
You had kids because you could.
You didn’t think about if you should.
And now you’re mad because you have to.
I wasn’t there when you made the decision
But somehow, it’s all my fault.
I know why you had kids.
You had kids so you could yell when you’re angry.
So everyone knows how bad I am,
And how hard you have it.
It feels good to say shut-up when you’re angry.
But it doesn’t feel good to hear it.
I know why you had kids.
You had kids because it was easy.
Now you say you don’t know how to do this.
But I didn’t know how to walk, and I learned.
I didn’t know how to talk, but I learned.
I didn’t know how to fight back, but I learned.
I know why you had kids.
You had kids because you wanted a pet, a toy.
You thought you could pick me up,
And put me down whenever you wanted.
You didn’t know I would still be there,
When you didn’t feel like it anymore.
I know why you had kids.
You had kids because you thought he’d stay.
Thought he’d love you now.
Or give you some attention.
All you wanted was some attention.
But he’s gone and all you have is me.
I know why you had kids.
You wanted something you’d never gotten,
Something you couldn’t give.
You wanted someone to love you,
All the time.
I wish I didn’t love you all the time.
I know why you had kids.
And it didn’t turn out like you thought.
But maybe it can. Maybe you can step up.
Grow up. Give up yourself.
Be the kind of parent you need to be,
So I don’t become the kind of person you are.
nestfullofbirds says
I love this post. It’s hard to read for a multitude of reasons, but it’s great that someone’s watching. It reminds me of the many, many times when people had a chance to intercede on my behalf, but chose not to, even though they knew something was going on. Just to know that someone notices this, feels something, and is prayerfully considering taking action is healing.
It’s good to know that there are people who are aware and want to help the next generation, too.
Amy says
I’m not sure what state you live in, but many states have a law the requires healthcare workers to report abuse to patients. If you tell the dentist about this complaint from the child he or she may have to report this to CPS.
jochetta says
So well written. I wish I could give a copy to every parent out there. Child abuse breaks my heart like nothing else in the world…
fiveintow says
It breaks mine, too. I weep for those children, and I’ve seen way too many of them. It also breaks my heart that so many adults are still being abused by the memories that haunt them. Abuse continues far beyond that one moment that crosses the line. Abuse continues for a lifetime in fractured people who struggle with very adult feelings for things that happened to them as children. I long for the day when sin is no more.
Becky Jesse says
wow…. thank you for sharing this. After reading this, I picked up my daughter and told her just why we had kids… we asked God to bless us and he did. He gave us a beautiful bundle of energy and is blessing us again (in Lord willing 5 days!) with another girl. What a reminder to me of why God gives us children…so we can love as he does. Selflessly and with a passion that goes beyond anything we can describe…giving of ourselves instead of taking.
fiveintow says
That’s exactly the response I was hoping for, Becky. Hug those babies. Tell them why you love them, why you WANTED them. No child should ever wonder if they are cherished.
Becky Jesse says
yeah I agree. We make sure she knows she is loved many times, but just a good reminder of how much we should make it a consistent thing to tell them. (her for now and claire in a couple of days… please!!! )
Wendy says
This is an amazing poem, and sadly, so true. I’ve read through some of the comments and want to say that whether the children you encountered were in an abusive situation or not, the experience allowed you to tap into your feelings on abuse. I think that you wrote eloquently and beautifully. In my career, I am in a position at times to build relationships with children whose voices I hear so clearly in your poem. It brought me to tears. Sometimes there is nothing you can do because the circumstances are unclear. Some things are not considered abusive in the eyes of the law, yet hurt children just the same. I understand wishing to take that pain and make sure the child never feels that way again. The point is that we need to be aware so that if/when an opportunity to do something arises, we are prepared. Beautiful poem. Whether it is true of this family or not, it’s true of some families in some places. Heartbreaking.
fiveintow says
Thank you for understanding, Wendy. Your comment brought me to tears. Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for being so empathetic.
Charity says
Hi. Maybe I’m the ONLY one who has these questions after your post, but here they are:
1. Why wouldn’t you want to help the mom? Speak to her? Offer her a chance to speak for her self? See things from her point of view?
2. Have any of your kids ever misconstrued something to make it sound different than things were?? Maybe she helps her sister when she’s putting her clothing away- IN THE CLOSET. Maybe the man wasn’t their dad or even knew them??
3. Because you heard the mom yell, that means she’s an unfit mother?
4. Have you NEVER yelled at your child? I have, but that doesn’t mean you know why I had kids. And I oppologize and try not to, but maybe that mom’s weakness is speaking too harshly. What’s your weakness?
5. If that mom, terribly uncomfortable and possibly having Braxton hicks contractions and worrying about when the baby would come, or how, or when, didn’t care about her kids, WHY would she be bringing them to see the dentist? 6. Do you know that mom’s back ground? Maybe she is parenting the only way she ever observed her own mom parenting.
7. Why not reach out to that mom, invite her to church, give her the hope of the gospel, show her love and compassion and keep those kids with the mom GOD chose to give them to??? You seriously think that reporting them to DCFS is the answer? And that from one 1/2 hour interaction you can make a decision about that family and what their future should be?
YIKES. Be careful. I would hate to see your family misjudged by a stranger and your children taken away. Hate for that to happen to my own.
After all those questions, I want to say this: I think you’re doing great, have an awesome family- from my 1/2 hour interactions with you via Internet web page.:). Maybe you wrote the post in haste. Maybe you forgot to have compassion and try to make a difference in a way tha would be best for all those involved.
I realize that true cases of child abuse do accur, and that perhaps your estimation was correct, but just had a lot of questions after reading what you wrote. I truly do think it’s a wicked, horrible thing if ANY adult mistreats a child. I agree with Jesus- it would be better for a stone to be tied around their neck and they cast into the sea. But just maybe what you observed wasn’t a case of child abuse at all. Let’s be careful, and have compassion for those who need help, instead of jumping to conclusions.
fiveintow says
Your questions are good, and are in fact the very reason I didn’t do more. I have answered all of these questions in length, some of them on the Five in Tow FB page, where I say many of the same things you have just said, so you might want to run back through some of the comments here and on that page if I do not answer all your questions (I’ll try, but I get distracted, haha). First off, you are right: I do not know that the children were being abused. I do not know the relationship between the girls and the man. I do not know that they weren’t just having a bad day and the guy just lost his job and.. and..and.. and. I do think there was something going on because I felt it. I saw the way he looked at them and the way they looked at him. But I couldn’t ask without him hearing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t ask questions because of the situation. There was no chance to reach out to the mother because she very quickly went in for her appointment and I left before she came back out. I did not act because I could not ASK.
But, I do know that abuse happens. I allowed the incident in the dentist office to tap into the anger I feel about child abuse. I wanted to think about it and process it with that little girl’s face in my mind because I wanted to BE that child in my piece. You may or may not think I did it well, but it’s important to understand that my piece takes the voice of the child, the truly abused child, who has “figured out” why her parents had children. It is not MY voice. It is meant to convey how things look to HER. It is not meant to give both sides of the story. It does not include any exceptions, any excuses, any room for other possibilities because a child doesn’t understand all those exceptions anyway. I am not saying that the child is RIGHT, but only trying to convey how it feels to a five-year-old. What would it feel like to have a dad who yells at you every chance he gets? What would it feel like to have a mother who couldn’t care less if you are fed dinner? It would feel like this story, or worse.
As a reader, I want us to feel anguish over the fact that a child thinks she was born to be abused.
That does not mean that the other side of the story is not important. Right before I posted this story, I posted the link to another blogger who took a different view and wrote a very beautiful piece on abuse, including a redemptive look at the abuser. Her story is called “Twenty-Twenty Vision,” and it’s definitely worth the read. I deliberately posted that first, because I do think it’s important to consider lots of different perspectives on this messy topic. I do think redemption is the goal, and after that, reconciliation. However, that was not the point of my piece, it was not the tone of my piece. I did something very different than I normally do and took a bit of a risk. I decided to let the child speak, and I can’t give all sides in a story without losing the authenticity of the character. It is not a dialogue, it is a monologue.
In other words, this story like a picture. In a sense, I took a macro photo of the Sears Tower. You are getting one small glimpse of one giant building. It is not any less valid than another picture that shows a different part of the building. Another picture might give a broader perspective, but my little piece might make us see something we wouldn’t see with the bigger picture. Sometimes, I think it’s important to see it up close and ugly.
Shifting gears a little bit, I certainly have had my children misbehave in public! In fact, I had to leave church early today for that very reason. 🙂 I also told the brief story on my FB page about the time when my son was misbehaving in the grocery store and I had to hold his hand (to keep him from repeating the offense) and he proceeded to YELL throughout the store, “Mom! Don’t HURT ME! Mom! Don’t HURT ME!” I was certainly glad that no one jumped to conclusions and called the police on me!
And you are also right, I am not the perfect mother. I do not claim to be! But that’s another reason I wrote this, because even good parents sometimes forget that the children aren’t the problem. We forget that we must parent all the time, even when we don’t feel like it. We must take second place, even when we don’t feel like it. I was writing, in a sense, to remind myself of that as well. Parenting is tough work. It’s often messy. It doesn’t always look like we thought it would when we set out to do it. But here we are, and we must do our best.
I didn’t mean to write a book in response to your comments! I appreciate your concerns and hope I addressed them carefully and completely. If I missed anything, please feel free to comment again. I think the dialogue is only going to help us become more aware, and if that helps any of us to act with bravery and compassion, then I have done my job. Thanks for reading!
Shanna says
This brought me l tears, so often I see similar situations and my heart just breaks. I just want to step in and ‘rescue’ those children. Such a powerful piece of writing, of art really. If even only one person who reads this makes the decision to step up and change then it makes this world a little more hopeful.
fiveintow says
Thank you, Shanna.
Erika says
Kristen, at least once a week I think something similar to this. When it comes up in conversation that I have 8 kids, I’ll get a response along the lines of, “better you than me! I can’t stand my 1 (or 2, or however many).” The bank teller told me she’d gladly give me hers, that she hated being the mom, couldn’t understand what I enjoued about it. I’ll take them! I wonder aloud to my older children, “Who obligated these women to have children?!” There are so many women who would be glad to have the delight of parenting a sweet small person! It hurts my heart as it does yours that these babies are vulnerable to adults who resent their exsistance. Seriously, send them to my house, for pete’s sake. And go back to a self-centered life.
fiveintow says
It’s always sad to me when people verbalize that they don’t want their kids. 🙁
feistyredhair says
It’s so painful to see parents who aren’t taking their job seriously enough and whose kids are suffering as a result. It’s also so true, like you said, that many people have kids because they can, not thinking about whether or not they should. There are often times when I witness some family interaction and think, “Wow, you should never have been allowed to have kids.” Kids need to be respected.
fiveintow says
Amen to that! Kids are people too!
the joyful potter says
I appreciate your anger and your need to express it here. I hope that you are able to mention the incident to the dentists, who may be able to figure out who those children were and play a part in their rescue. But, I would encourage you to demonstrate compassion for the parents as well as for the children. You saw a slice of what looks like a bad situation, and you are right to want justice for the children, but you do NOT know “why they had kids.” Very rarely do people end up doing evil because that’s what they wanted to be when they grew up. Pray for the parents and their redemption as much as you do for the children. “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:20 May God bless your desire to bring about justice.
fiveintow says
I agree 100%. This is not meant to encompass every side of the story, only to give voice to the child, and how things appear to them. Before I posted my story, I posted a link to another blogger’s insight into why abusers abuse, and it is very compassionate and redemptive. I posted it intentionally because I was not addressing that side of things in my post, and I didn’t want to be completely unbalanced. My post gives only one small slice of a very complicated situation. It is not my voice speaking. It is the voice of a victim, to whom it appears as if the only reason he or she was born was to be a victim. I wanted that five-year-old to be able to say how things look from her end.
the joyful potter says
Okay, yes, I see it now. I didn’t realize that there was a connection between the two posts – very thoughtful of you to include that side of things as well. It is a good thing to be a voice for the voiceless – we all want to be known, and loved. Thank God that He’s big enough for us all! God bless!
fiveintow says
Amen! This was a good reminder, though, that perhaps I should post the link to the other blog post at the bottom of my post, just to make clear that I am not without compassion for those who abuse, although it’s harder! I pray that God will reach down and redeem their hearts as well. I hope you have wonderful Palm Sunday, and thanks for your comments.
SweetP says
Wow, this is fabulous! Thank you for speaking out for those who can’t speak for themselves. Now if only those who need to can Listen and Learn!
beth Pierce says
Unfortunately, I grew up with a father like this… I remember being scared of acting up or doing something wrong for fear I would grt”the look” followed by a spanking when I got home,, and spankings is putting it lightly at times, and now that I’m grown, and have nieces and nephews and NOW one of my own on the way, I pray everyday that I dont end up like him at all, that I dont yell everytime I get angry or see them.doing.something wrong, I pray.that i.dont spank them, i.pray that they love me like they ahould and I in turn love them like an aunt and now a mother to be should, with.the love of God in my heart and a smile.on my face, IDONT want my child to live in fear if me, but know that I will do everything possible to raise her right and to be a happy child filled with childhood memories she will enjoy, I dont.want.to be that woman you.saw at the dentist office yelling at her kids, thank you for posting this, we all need a reminder that how we axt truely.affects.others
Maureen says
I am curious, did you mention the girls comment to the dentists? Surely they know the family and their names/information.
fiveintow says
No, I didn’t. We were at a large dental facility with many dentists and a common waiting room. I didn’t know who they were seeing, and I couldn’t even ask the receptionists without them hearing. It was one of those places where the receptionists sit behind glass, and you have to get buzzed back in to see the dentist. We had actually finished our appointment and were waiting to get a referral for some orthodontic work my daughter needs, so I couldn’t even get back to talk to my dentist again (but I know they weren’t seeing my dentist). I don’t even have a cell phone, so I couldn’t even call CPS from the parking lot. I felt, at the time, like I couldn’t do anything without bringing danger to the little girl, without the man hearing and her getting in trouble for talking. And I hoped that if she said it to me, she would say it to someone else. In retrospect, I wonder, and I feel like I should have done SOMETHING. But I didn’t. And I almost left that part out of the story but I thought it was important because too often, I see something and I don’t do anything because I don’t know WHAT to do, or when to act, and I think many of my readers have been there. I want us to grapple with these things, even though I didn’t do it right and I don’t even have all the answers. I think the discussion will make all of us more aware and more open to being the voice of those children when the next opportunity arises.
Lori says
I hope you would report them if you do think there is true abuse going on. Your dentist could help you find out the name. I realize the options for those poor children might be worse then with the people they are with currently but maybe not. I grew up in an abusive situation. I think back to adults in my life who had to have known and did nothing.Adults have to be willing to help! Praying you will be given direction. Do not think there is nothing you can do.There might be.
fiveintow says
I’m so sorry to hear that you have lived through abuse, and that those who saw didn’t act. I wish that this had happened just yesterday or today, but unfortunately, the event in the dentist office happened weeks ago, and it was a shared office with many dentists and a common waiting room. I don’t know which dentist she was seeing, and even if I did, the chances that he or she would know who I was talking about would be slim. I couldn’t even ask any follow-up questions to the little girl because he was close enough to hear my voice. Where you playing in the closet? Was your sister being punished? All I got was that little sentence, and the feeling that things were not right. I wish I had acted on it then, but I still don’t know how I could have done it discretely so the child wouldn’t get the punishment for what she said. But that’s part of why I wrote this post, even though it’s hard to be honest about the fact that I didn’t do more. Sometimes we see glimpses of things, and we wonder, and the question is, when and how should we act? I have gone over it again and again in my head, and I still don’t know the answer. Thank you for your comment.
Mary Jordon says
I once was in a supermarket after work and was in the queue with my purchases ready to pay at the counter. In walks a young woman with a child in tow, a little boy – the sort of child that tugs at your heart strings, he was crying. She grabs him by the underarms and dumps him on top of the counter and yells at him. I look for a minute in dismay. She turned and saw the look on my face and yelled at me abuse! I muttered ‘he just needs a cuddle’ and walked off.
mommybabyspot says
I love how you conveyed the feelings in this post. I’ve been at my wits end with my toddler lately who’s been trying my patience constantly and I find myself yelling at him just to keep him from hurting himself (sometimes badly) and I hate being the yelling parent, it just tears me up inside and part of it is fear of becoming like those parents at the dentist.
Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I love being a parent and having my beautiful boys…it’s just figuring out how to help him convey his anger or frustration or whatever it is that’s causing him to be so hard to deal with lately… *sigh* …. I just try to give him extra hugs and apologize when I’ve lost my patience with him.
Thank you again for the thoughtful post.
fiveintow says
I wish I could give you a big hug! It’s hard to know what to do and how to respond. The very fact that you’re grappling with it and trying to work it out speaks volumes about who you are as a woman and a mother. We all make mistakes. We all have to learn and grow. We all have to say “I’m sorry” sometimes. Have you read my post, “The Rules”? If you haven’t, take a minute to. It’s about a time when I yelled at my son. It was one of the hardest stories for me to write, because it was true, and sometimes, I wish those things about me aren’t true.
mommybabyspot says
Thanks…I will check it out since I have extra time this morning…the toddler came in and literally kicked me out of bed at around 5 AM! oh well…at least I got a shower 🙂
fiveintow says
What happened to Saturdays, right?!
Moms Day at a Time..Sarah Field says
Hi. This is such a tragic story that you captured so well. I agree with some of the other commenters. Call the dentist offIce; tell them what you heard. They are obligated to make a report, or can at least watch out if the fame comes back. Watch and listen for things they see first hand. May God bless those precious children and the parents.
fiveintow says
Yes, that’s a very good point. Maybe they will come back. I keep thinking that maybe the nurses will see something when that lady delivers her baby. And I really pray that the mom wakes up, too. Maybe she’s not safe and doesn’t know a way out. Those girls were so close in age, they looked like twins, and now she has another one coming, and an older one as well. Maybe she just doesn’t know what to do. I don’t know if the man was the dad–he didn’t look anything like the little girls–but I hope she gets out of that relationship one way or another.
Girl Replanted says
Fierce and intense writing, thank you. I have recently been caught in dialogue with friends/family on the general topic of “judging” other parents- and have had to stand my ground. It’s not been easy. There seems to be a general trend in attitude, like, well, we can’t know what happens in their home, who are we to judge, etc. And like you, I don’t have much faith in a “system” that will help either, so what can a person do? In some situations I have just reached out to the child, with love and compassion. Other times I have said something to the parent like, “Wow! Aren’t children amazing the way they can push our buttons! But what a blessing to have them.” It has softened a few eyes. I love this piece- and empowers me to write when I’m angry too. Thanks.
fiveintow says
I don’t like to write angry, because I have to live with the words for a very long time before I get them out on paper, and afterward, they settle deep in me and it’s hard to function until new words take their place. I don’t know if anyone but another writer can understand that. Probably all artists can. I relive it all, rethink it all, wrestle with it all over again. It’s hard to be so honest, to admit that I saw something and did virtually nothing. I almost didn’t post this because of that. I wondered if people would really want to read something that doesn’t have that redemptive twist at the end. I wish I had the happy ending all written out, but sometimes we don’t get the happy ending. Sometimes we don’t do what we should, and I felt like I had to write it even though, as if somehow, just writing it would change things for someone else.
Girl Replanted says
I completely understand what you mean. Wrestling with something until other thoughts and words take their place. I have gone in search of something to replace something difficult or angry…hence my garden. 🙂 Keep writing- you are helping more than you know.
fiveintow says
Thank you!
Pamela says
What an intense and powerful post. Those poor babies.
fiveintow says
Indeed. I wish there weren’t so many others like them out there.
Karen Ranheim says
It is sad but many of them do not know how to step up to their responsibilities.. they have no models for that. Tragic.
fiveintow says
It is sad. I posted an article another blogger wrote yesterday. It is much more understanding of what makes abusers/neglectful parents than I was in this post. But, I intentionally left it harsh (which is hard for me to do!) because I think even the worst parents know BETTER. They may not know the best and they may not know the best way HOW, but I wanted to address the part that they DO know, and don’t do, because I think that’s what we all need to take away. I don’t abuse or neglect my kids, but I can be awful lazy sometimes. I can be dis-engaged. Unsympathetic. Impatient. I can do BETTER, and I know it. When I begin to think that my kids are an inconvenience, and obligation, or a hindrance, I am not much better than the person in the story I wrote about.
Sara says
I really think you need to contact the dentist. He may even be required by law to report such things, I’m not sure. I’d also try contacting CPS or police, giving them the info including the time, date, etc. It’s possible they have more power to get info out of the dentist. If you were that child’s teacher, you would be legally required to call the police based on what she said. I realize you’re not, and I fully realize it might not be enough to get action out of authorities, but it seems like you have to at least try, you know? =(
fiveintow says
Yes, that’s great advice. The reason I didn’t is because I was at an office which houses multiple dentists with a common waiting area. I couldn’t ask one of the receptionist who they were seeing without them hearing, and I was afraid to even ask the girl more questions because I didn’t want the “dad” to hear. I hoped that if she told me within a minute of meeting me, maybe she will tell a teacher, or a neighbor, or someone who knows them. But, it has been weighing on me ever since, that I didn’t do enough, or didn’t think of SOME way to help. In the situation, I felt like anything I might do could possibly make it worse, but now, I wonder. That phrase, “Hindsight is always 20/20” doesn’t always work in my favor, especially this time. *Posted this on my FB page but I wanted to post it here too, just in case you didn’t see it and I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t responding to your comment, because you are right.
Expat Mammy says
Wow this totally blew me away, I hate life is so messed up that those people have children and don’t appreciate the gift they have, while my dear friend lost her baby at 26weeks. It’s because of people like you that have such compassion that some of these children are helped, mwah
fiveintow says
That’s tragic, losing a baby like that, and it makes situations like this all the harder.
Dr. Mom says
Perhaps you can speak with the dentist and disclose to him what you heard – leave it to him to consider reporting the family to children services. Perhaps he already has. In any case, it’s terribly sad. Some people truly don’t deserve to have children.
fiveintow says
I wondered about that. I knew they wouldn’t give me their names, but I thought maybe they could do something. I hate that feeling of not knowing what to do, and feeling like I didn’t do enough.
Dr. Mom says
If you feel that way, it’s best to speak with the dentist. Leave it in his hands. He may not be able to do anything but at least you’ve done something.
Lyn says
I was going to say the same thing. That dentist is a mandated reporter, if it’s brought to his/her attention, they are required to make a call to Social Services.
fiveintow says
Posted this on my FB page but wanted to add it here as well: Yes, that’s great advice. The reason I didn’t is because I was at an office which houses multiple dentists with a common waiting area. I couldn’t ask one of the receptionist who they were seeing without them hearing, and I was afraid to even ask the girl more questions because I didn’t want the “dad” to hear. I hoped that if she told me within a minute of meeting me, maybe she will tell a teacher, or a neighbor, or someone who knows them. But, it has been weighing on me ever since, that I didn’t do enough, or didn’t think of SOME way to help. In the situation, I felt like anything I might do could possibly make it worse, but now, I wonder. That phrase, “Hindsight is always 20/20” doesn’t always work in my favor, especially this time.
Lyn says
Good thought about her possibly telling someone else. Maybe the Lord allowed you to witness this for the purpose of being in the position to storm heaven’s gates for these kids. God sees it, you saw it, now you can intercede for them in ways that might not have been otherwise, not just their physical needs, but also their spiritual needs. Now you have me praying for them, see how that works?
fiveintow says
Yes, and I believe that God’s arm is not too short to save, even when I am not the savior I wish I was. Please do pray.
nmetzler says
Oh, my heart aches for those babies… and all the thousands like them.
fiveintow says
Me too. That’s why I found your Twenty-Twenty Vision post so timely. It was a very different perspective from what I wrote, and so beautifully done.
nmetzler says
They do compliment each other greatly. I love it when God brings up stories in different lives that blend so perfectly. <3
Sara T says
What a powerful post. I’m in shock as I read over some of the comments, too.
The other day I took my son to the dentist and we had back-to-back appointments. While the dental hygenist was cleaning up the area for my son’s turn he and I were looking at pictures on my phone and giggling and just being our silly selves. The lady complimented on how nice I am to my son. At first, I thought it was just nice of her to say so, but then she added: most parents that we see just yell at their kids all the time and want them to sit still and be quiet or they ignore them.
What the heck, people!? My son isn’t always on his best behavior and sometimes my patience wears thin– we aren’t always AS smiley and sweet as we were that day, but it blew my mind that our behavior was so rare that she actually noticed and mentioned it. Kids are hard, but if you don’t have fun with them then you will lose their mind!
I feel bad for those little girls and the baby on the way…for sure.
fiveintow says
It is interesting that you say that because the dental hygienist said the same thing about my kids. She said she’d never seen five kids behave so well for so long (we were there for HOURS), and after witnessing some stuff in the waiting room, I believed it.
68ghia says
Now I feel bad for getting angry at my 20 year old.
Because he is what he is through what happened with me.
It’s hard being a parent. You never know when you screw up until it’s too late.
But it’s your G-d-given duty to make decent adults of them.
Or at the very least, try.
I’m sorry that things like this happen to innocents – they did not ask to be there, are totally dependant on the adults in their lives, and if those adults don’t care…
All we can really do is care for the little ones we have, and help them through life’s hurdles.
fiveintow says
It’s hard, isn’t it? I think responsibility goes two ways: you have responsibility for how you raise your kids, but they also have responsibility for what they do with it. I’ve heard stories of abuse victims who have chosen NOT to live as victims, and they have overcome and broken the cycle. We all have done things or said things to our kids that we regret. There is forgiveness and grace for those times. None of us are perfect parents. Some days, I’m thankful that my kids have short memories! You can’t change what happened years ago or even yesterday, and you can’t take responsibility for the choices your grown son is making today, but you can own what you do today and help make a difference in others.
Anne says
Wow! It’s so sad to see situations like this – and wonder why God allows people like this to have children, knowing people who can’t have children, who would LOVE to have kids and who would make terrific parents. And to know that God in His infinite wisdom has it all figured out.
fiveintow says
It is hard. I thought of a half-dozen people who would take those girls in an instant. I almost went up to the man and asked him if I could have them. I just wanted to say, “You know, this can all be over in an instant and you can be free. Just let them come home with me.”
Tom & Connie Merritt says
Evil is just what it is. My heart hurts. Those beautiful children can’t defend themselves. They deserve so much more….I feel like my prayers aren’t enough. But I will continue to pray for them because God knows the whole situation and He listens. For some reason God led you all to the same office at the same time – you heard and many will pray.
fiveintow says
I feel drawn to be a foster parent or adoptive parent because of situations like this. It’s easy for me to say, “God save the children” without being willing to open up my heart, wallet, and doors. Even in that situation, I didn’t DO anything. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what I should have done. Without facts, without knowing anything but that one little whisper, I was afraid I would make it worse for her. Will CPS come rushing in to the dentist office and take them to a safe place? Probably not. But I can pray, and I can reach out to another child who might be in the same place, and I can love my own children a little more fiercely and a little less selfishly.
The Orange Rhino says
Actually, you did do something. You SPOKE UP. You raised the issue. You reminded all of us to be more aware of ourselves (even if we ARENT those parents) and about our responsibility as parents. You showed that little girl love, you gave her hope, a glimpse of what love is. You reminded us all about this important issue. And you are raising loving children – that will spread the good word about how to treat people and hopefully love will keep spreading around and eventually, in my dreams, overcome these situations and make them disappear.. Does this make any sense?
theothermotherteresa says
There are tears of sadness and anger streaming down my face. Thank you for writing this and may God bless those children.
theothermotherteresa says
I have tears of sadness and of anger streaming down my face. God bless those children…and all the children who have parents like the ones you describe.
fiveintow says
Amen to that.
minlit says
There should be something other than like. This isn’t one to like, but ……thanks.
This will be with me for a while.
fiveintow says
There should be an “I get it” button, or something like that. An “I hate the evil” button.
Isabella Louise Anderson says
This breaks my heart! It is visible that you are a dedicated mother. Thanks for sharing…
fiveintow says
It breaks my heart too. So often, I see something and I don’t know what to say, or what to do, and it breaks my heart.
Tiffany (lifewithblondie) says
I love this! The kids I am adopting were my sister’s babies, and they were going through pure hell. Boiling water was poured on a 3 year old because he had an accident in his pants. They will never go back. I will never let them go back. I know why she had kids, she thought they would save her, instead, I had to jump in and save them…
fiveintow says
Oh, Tiffany. I burst into tears when I read your comment. Oh my goodness. It just breaks my heart. I am so glad you are there for them. Redeem the situation. Pour love on them. You are God’s hands to them, and I will pray for you and them.
The Orange Rhino says
Stunned. Taken aback. Breathtaken. At the situation. At your writing. At the power of your writing. At the imperfection of the situation but the perfection of how you captured it.
“Be the kind of parent you need to be, so I don’t become the kind of person you are.”
Ain’t that the truth. I stopped yelling at my kids for this reason alone. I was teaching them to yell when angry. But I stepped up. Thanks for reminding me why I did. Because I don’t want to be that dad. That mom. I want to be a loving mom. Yelling is easy. Sometimes loving is really hard. But it is what being a parent is all about.
Powerful piece. Well done. Great message. Proud of you!
fiveintow says
Thank you, my friend! You came in at just the right time today. Our conversation pushed me into posting this. I wasn’t sure I was going to, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded that we ALL need to step up. There’s no room for selfishness and laziness in parenting. I’m proud of YOU for stepping up. I’m going to post the link to your site again. Maybe some parents will be ready to take your challenge after reading this.