family Archives - Page 9 of 15 - Kristen Anne Glover

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Results {Day 25}

Welcome to our series! Find Day 1 here.

My oldest was a pretty stellar Terrible Two. If Terrible Twos got awards, she would have earned top prize.

One day, she asked for a snack. I said, “Sure, let’s go see what we can find.” After a few minutes of near-tantrums because I dared to suggest something she had no intention of eating ever, I offered her a slice of cheese. This made her happy. I proceeded to slice the cheese and my child turned into a raving lunatic.

“No! Not that way! Not that WAAAAAAAY!” She yelled and threw herself against the floor. Apparently, my knife skills were sub-par.

“If you behave like this, you will not get any cheese,” I said.

“NO YOU DON’T!” My little darling thrashed against the cupboards. I scooped her up and plopped her in her crib, where she continued to spiral out of control.

I stood in the living room while she banged her crib against the wall and screamed at the top of her lungs. I was stunned. I had done nothing to provoke this kind of behavior from her. In fact, I had done everything right. Still, she responded with willful disobedience. Her actions had nothing to do with my parenting skills or lack thereof. They had everything to do with the sinfulness of her heart.

Later that day, when my Terrible Two was sleeping like an angel, I thought about how parenting is like a three-legged stool. My husband and I are one leg. God is another. But my child is the third. And sometimes, my child does not want to be part of a three-legged stool. My child wants to be a Pogo stick.

All the perfectly cut cheese in the world will not make that child compliant to the desires of the other two legs.

It is in those moments, when my child is not responding to my labors with an overgrowth of the Fruit of the Spirit, that I must remember I am not in charge of the results. That is a work of God. God must change my child’s heart.

How God chooses to work in my children’s lives is sometimes messy, frustrating, and discouraging. It does not always look the way I think it should. But the results of my work do not change my calling or my commitment to parent in a godly way. I labor diligently and faithfully because God has commanded me to do so. I love God. I love my children. He does all the rest.

Sometimes, He allows me to see the fruit of my labor right away. He gives me a child with a very moldable, sensitive heart and my good parenting almost always results in immediate good fruit.

But another child may have a very different disposition. I might struggle with that child on a daily basis, and I may never see him come to obedience. My heart breaks at the thought! I am tempted to cry out to God, “Please, don’t give me a child who will not come to know you!”

I have grieved so much over the hearts of my children that it borders on idolatry. The salvation of my children, and their hearts of obedience, mean so much to me that it threatens my faith in a sovereign God. I am tempted to work for them instead of for God, to hope and trust in their goodness rather than in the goodness of God. And that is idolatry.

I must trust the sovereignty of God more than I desire the salvation or sanctification of my children. I must follow Him even if my children do not. I must work for Him regardless of whether or not my children join me in my labors and give their lives in service to Him as well.

That is a hard word. That requires a level of faith and trust that aches. I must trust in the goodness of God concerning my children, even if that means He takes them over the long, hard road. Sometimes, He lets a child suffer the consequences of having a rebellious heart. He lets that child’s hardness break him, and He lets that child’s hardness refine me.

That, I find, is the hardest thing I’ve had to trust God for.

But it is also the best thing, because if I could work for the goodness of my children, and was guaranteed of the results, I would not need faith. Parenting would become a work, and I would subject myself once again to the slavery of a law I am incapable of fulfilling. I would be lost, and so would they.

I cannot save my children. I cannot even save myself.

The beauty and the agony of the cross is that salvation, and every other good thing on this earth, is a free gift of God. It does not come as a result of my works, even the good work of faithful parenting. It only comes through the work of Christ on my behalf. That is a perfect work, the results of which are guaranteed effective. Christ’s blood always purchases those for whom He died. My children are His to save, and His to refine.

When the results of my work are not what I expected, and my goodness to my children is returned unwanted, it is an opportunity to trust that God is at work for His greater glory. I do not always understand. I do not need to. My job is simply to be a faithful servant, and leave the rest to Him.

Sometimes, good parenting results in good fruit…

…and other times, it’s just plain messy.

Please join us tomorrow for Day 26: Boundaries

For further thought:

1) Read Ephesians 2:8-9. What good work can you do to ensure the faith of you children? This is a trick question.

2) When your children display ungodly behaviors, make it a habit to thank God for showing you their sin. It is better to bring sin to light than to let it harbor in the dark. You may feel like a parenting failure when you see these things. Instead, pray for wisdom to help your child grow in these areas.

3) Consider this verse as it applies to your work as a parent: “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord, rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:23-24

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Work {Day 24}

New here? Click here to start at the beginning of the series.

The weekends were the hardest. That’s what I remember most about my first year as a mother.

The weekends were the hardest because they were the same as every other day of the week, and they were not supposed to be. Weekends were for sleeping in and lingering over breakfast and taking long walks and reading long books. Weekends were supposed to be mine.

But Saturday morning, the baby was up just as early as ever. There was laundry to be done and the grocery shopping to catch up on and meals to be made so I would be ready for the week ahead. Sunday mornings were a rush of trying to get out the door on time and keeping the baby away on the drive home so she wouldn’t mess up her afternoon nap. There was housework and homework and hardly ever a real break.

I sincerely believed I deserved a real break.

I was pouting about this one day (pouting in a very reverent, mature way, of course) when my husband stopped me. I expected him to say something sympathetic or rub my feet, maybe both. He had done those things before. But not this time. This time, he looked at me and quoted the Book of Job. “Who are you, oh man?” he asked.

I blinked.

“Who are you? So what if your life is a little hard right now? So what if you don’t get to do the things you think you should be able to do? Most people don’t! This is what God has called you to for this short season of your life! Who are you to question God?”

It was a completely absurd thing to say to a woman who had just worked a fifty hour week and still had to get up at 5:30 am with the baby. It was an absurd thing to say to a woman who had to drop out of seminary in order to take a job as a nanny so she could support her husband’s education and still take care of their child.

But he was right.

I had allowed myself to feel like a victimized by God’s plan for me. I had allowed myself to believe that this was too hard. This was too much of a sacrifice. This was not what I was made to do.

I had thought perhaps that God had a higher purpose for me because He had gifted me in ways I felt sure could bring Him glory. I did not think I was serving God enough just by being a mom. I felt there must be a higher calling for me—surely!—than just the plain old ordinary stuff of earth.

In my heart, I cried out to God, “You gave me these gifts! Why won’t you let me use them?”

The answer came: “You have no higher calling than the work I have called you to do.”

It does not really matter what someone else gets to do for God. It does not matter who He sends to Africa or gets to use her gifts in glorious ways. It does not matter what God has asked you to do if it is not what He has asked me to do.

The most contented mothers I know are those who are secure in their calling and purpose before God. It does not matter what their gifts are, or even what their desires are. Because of the fact that He gave them children, they understand and embrace the reality that God has called them to the ministry of motherhood.

Sometimes, that means they can use their gifts every day. Sometimes, it means they must balance how to use their gifts and care for their children. But often, very often, it means a dying to self, of giving back to God what was given to them and trusting that it will still be there when these years are through.

Every single mother I have ever met is gifted beyond what is required of her in her home. She has talents that go unused, abilities that are not recognized, and even spiritual gifts that she does not have time to use in the church. How can it be that nearly half of the population wastes these treasures in order to raise children?

Because it is the work that God has called us to for this time and for His great purpose. The fact that we do not always get to use our gifts does not mean that there is nothing more to us than motherhood. It means that we are willing to set those aside in order to be obedient to what God has called us to now.

Does that mean that I cannot work outside the home or go to school or pursue my dreams? Of course not. I would never be so bold as to limit God’s will for any person. But I do know this—if you are a mother, you will never find a higher calling than to invest in the lives of your children and it may very well be that God is asking you to let Him guard your dreams while you do the work that is ripe for this moment.

It is hard.

It is hard because I forget that I am a slave. I know I am adopted and I am a daughter and bride of Christ. But still, fundamentally, I am a slave of Christ. My life is not my own. I have been bought—redeemed, yes, but bought nonetheless. My good and loving Master gives me the work He wants me to do. No matter what the task, great or small, I cannot glorify or please Him at all unless I do what He requires of me.

I must understand that whatever He asks me to do is His highest purpose for me! The work He has given me is my ministry to Him. It is my sacrifice of obedience. It is my highest calling.

Sometimes we miss what God has for us, not because we do not think big enough, but because we are not willing to bend low enough.

I am a slave. When I come to Him, seeking His will, it should be with hands outstretched, ready to do my Master’s will, even on the weekends. My prayers should be of openness and humility. “Please, show me what you would have for me to do today.”

It could very well be that your job today is to do the laundry and make the lunches. Be willing to accept that, and you will find great peace and contentment as you go about your work today.

There is no higher calling than to do the work God has appointed for you.

Please join us tomorrow for Day 25: Boundaries

For further thought:

1) Read Luke 17:9-10. How should be think about recognition in regard to our work? How should we feel about doing the lowly things that come with our responsibilities as mothers?

2) If you find yourself frustrated with the daily and mundane aspects of motherhood, meditate on this verse. Hold it dear to your heart and consider that you are pleasing God the most by doing what He has asked of you. “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord, rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:23-24

3) Perhaps you have gifts you have not been able to use for God. Why is it okay to give them back to God for this season? Can you trust Him to return them when the time is right, and give you opportunities to use them in the future?

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Adapting {Day 23}

Day 1 Starts here.

The summer after eighth grade, I went away to a science camp deep in the woods of Northern Wisconsin. My science teacher, Mr. Han, had arranged for me to go on a full scholarship, along with my arch-nemesis Philip Brown. That part was unfortunate.

But even the presence of Philip somewhere within a thirty-mile radius could not keep me from enjoying every second of the camp. We dissected owl pellets, rigged pulleys high up in the trees, and learned about the ecosystems along the lake.

One day, we studied the mechanics of aerodynamics by building our own kites. As soon as we were done with our handiwork, we scampered off to the beach to try them out. To our dismay, the weather did not cooperate. The wind was coming from the wrong direction. Instead of blowing in strong off the lake like it usually did, the wind came from the direction of the trees, which blocked it off like a wall. The beach was a virtual dead zone.

In order to get the kites to fly at all, we had to run along the beach as fast as we could, letting the string out little by little until the kites had enough lift to catch the wind blowing high above our heads. If we let the string out too quickly, our kites would fall limp. If we didn’t let it out quickly enough, the kites twisted and strained behind us but never went any higher.

It was exhausting.

The boys, who could run faster than the girls, had more immediate success. Even Philip Brown, who was not exactly the picture of physical prowess, managed to get his kite soaring before mine. He looked at me smugly as my kite took a devastating dive.

“Don’t worry about him,” Mr. Han said when he came to help me out.

“It’s a terrible day for flying a kite,” I noted with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Mr. Han said while he showed me what I was doing wrong. “Conditions are rarely perfect. But you will be amazed at what can happen if you simply learn to adapt.”

He sent me off on another sprint down the beach, telling me to wait for the pull of the wind in my kite before I gave it more line. I did exactly that, and slowly, my kite began to rise.

Many years later, I found myself talking to a mother who had figured out how to get her kite to fly while I was still on the beach untangling my string. She was providing her child with a rich environment in which he was excelling. I was getting my kid fed each day. She was doing everything “right” and I was just managing not to do everything wrong.

Conditions were not perfect. And I found myself frustrated because I was trying to parent as if they were. I was trying to parent as if I could run just as fast as the boys and if my kite was made to fly just the way the others were.

I was stuck.

It took years of running on the beach, exhausting myself, before I began to figure it out. Adapting, for me, meant accepting things as they really were, not waiting for them to be my ideal. It meant giving up certain dreams of what I thought my home would look like, and embracing the better reality of what God had given me. It meant acknowledging the uniqueness of each child, my limitations as a mother, and very real circumstances in which we were living.

Are conditions perfect in your home today? Most likely, they are not. You can view that as a frustration, but if you do, you will miss out on enjoying your children today, or any day that isn’t ideal.

Instead, you can look at today as an opportunity to adapt to your environment and the needs of your children. Ask yourself:

*Am I expecting more of my child than he is capable of?

*Am I expecting more of myself than I am capable of?

*Am I responding to the needs of my children as they arise or I am I unwilling to adjust to changing circumstances?

*Am I willing to accept the fact that our reality may not look like the ideal?

*Am I comparing myself or my child to someone else?

*Am I trying to please God or man?

*Can I change any of our current circumstances, including my attitudes or actions, to create a more successful environment?

*Have I sought wisdom in how to handle this particular situation?

*Have I considered that this is an opportunity to test my faith and trust God because of the fact that the situation is not ideal?

*Have I stopped and prayed?

At the end of our day on the beach, when conditions were less than ideal, we all learned an important lesson about adapting, and we all enjoyed an afternoon of flying kites on a beach with no wind. Some students had to run faster than others. Some kites had to be adjusted or mended. Some of us had to learn to respond to the wind and the pull on the string. But every single kite flew.

Have you learned to adapt when conditions are not perfect?

Conditions are rarely perfect

Please join us tomorrow for Day 24: Work

For further thought:

1) Read James 1: 2-5. How can we consider it joy when conditions are not perfect?

2) Think about what your ideal morning would look like. Is it realistic? Or are you setting yourself up for frustration by idealizing a home you can never have?

3) Spend some time praying for your children today. Ask God to help you parent according to their needs, not your ideals.

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