Day 1 Starts here.
The summer after eighth grade, I went away to a science camp deep in the woods of Northern Wisconsin. My science teacher, Mr. Han, had arranged for me to go on a full scholarship, along with my arch-nemesis Philip Brown. That part was unfortunate.
But even the presence of Philip somewhere within a thirty-mile radius could not keep me from enjoying every second of the camp. We dissected owl pellets, rigged pulleys high up in the trees, and learned about the ecosystems along the lake.
One day, we studied the mechanics of aerodynamics by building our own kites. As soon as we were done with our handiwork, we scampered off to the beach to try them out. To our dismay, the weather did not cooperate. The wind was coming from the wrong direction. Instead of blowing in strong off the lake like it usually did, the wind came from the direction of the trees, which blocked it off like a wall. The beach was a virtual dead zone.
In order to get the kites to fly at all, we had to run along the beach as fast as we could, letting the string out little by little until the kites had enough lift to catch the wind blowing high above our heads. If we let the string out too quickly, our kites would fall limp. If we didn’t let it out quickly enough, the kites twisted and strained behind us but never went any higher.
It was exhausting.
The boys, who could run faster than the girls, had more immediate success. Even Philip Brown, who was not exactly the picture of physical prowess, managed to get his kite soaring before mine. He looked at me smugly as my kite took a devastating dive.
“Don’t worry about him,” Mr. Han said when he came to help me out.
“It’s a terrible day for flying a kite,” I noted with a heavy sigh.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Mr. Han said while he showed me what I was doing wrong. “Conditions are rarely perfect. But you will be amazed at what can happen if you simply learn to adapt.”
He sent me off on another sprint down the beach, telling me to wait for the pull of the wind in my kite before I gave it more line. I did exactly that, and slowly, my kite began to rise.
Many years later, I found myself talking to a mother who had figured out how to get her kite to fly while I was still on the beach untangling my string. She was providing her child with a rich environment in which he was excelling. I was getting my kid fed each day. She was doing everything “right” and I was just managing not to do everything wrong.
Conditions were not perfect. And I found myself frustrated because I was trying to parent as if they were. I was trying to parent as if I could run just as fast as the boys and if my kite was made to fly just the way the others were.
I was stuck.
It took years of running on the beach, exhausting myself, before I began to figure it out. Adapting, for me, meant accepting things as they really were, not waiting for them to be my ideal. It meant giving up certain dreams of what I thought my home would look like, and embracing the better reality of what God had given me. It meant acknowledging the uniqueness of each child, my limitations as a mother, and very real circumstances in which we were living.
Are conditions perfect in your home today? Most likely, they are not. You can view that as a frustration, but if you do, you will miss out on enjoying your children today, or any day that isn’t ideal.
Instead, you can look at today as an opportunity to adapt to your environment and the needs of your children. Ask yourself:
*Am I expecting more of my child than he is capable of?
*Am I expecting more of myself than I am capable of?
*Am I responding to the needs of my children as they arise or I am I unwilling to adjust to changing circumstances?
*Am I willing to accept the fact that our reality may not look like the ideal?
*Am I comparing myself or my child to someone else?
*Am I trying to please God or man?
*Can I change any of our current circumstances, including my attitudes or actions, to create a more successful environment?
*Have I sought wisdom in how to handle this particular situation?
*Have I considered that this is an opportunity to test my faith and trust God because of the fact that the situation is not ideal?
*Have I stopped and prayed?
At the end of our day on the beach, when conditions were less than ideal, we all learned an important lesson about adapting, and we all enjoyed an afternoon of flying kites on a beach with no wind. Some students had to run faster than others. Some kites had to be adjusted or mended. Some of us had to learn to respond to the wind and the pull on the string. But every single kite flew.
Have you learned to adapt when conditions are not perfect?
Conditions are rarely perfect
Please join us tomorrow for Day 24: Work
For further thought:
1) Read James 1: 2-5. How can we consider it joy when conditions are not perfect?
2) Think about what your ideal morning would look like. Is it realistic? Or are you setting yourself up for frustration by idealizing a home you can never have?
3) Spend some time praying for your children today. Ask God to help you parent according to their needs, not your ideals.
This is powerful stuff!
“Adapting, for me, meant accepting things AS THEY REALLY WERE, not waiting for them to be my ideal. It meant giving up certain dreams of what I thought my home would look like, and embracing the BETTER REALITY of what God had given me. It meant acknowledging the uniqueness of each child, MY LIMITATIONS as a mother, and VERY REAL CIRCUMSTANCES in which we were living.” (your words, emphases mine)
These last three years, especially have been working this very thing for me. I think one of the things that is so hard about letting go of “what my home looks like” is that I just don’t feel that it is an honest reflection of who I am. I know what I am capable of, left to myself…WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS! I know how to clean AND ORGANIZE a house, doggone it. I know how to sort through and FILE and THROW AWAY the paper junk they keep shoving in my mail box. I know how to cook healthy meals and DETAIL the inside of a car.
I could go on, but I think my point is getting across. But someone walking into my house or riding in my car, JUDGING me as I am so often concerned they might be wouldn’t know that on many a given day.
And that is where the change that I am finding so vital is learning that I only answer to ONE! I stand and fall to the One who is already pleased with me, who says to me (because he sees me in His Son), “well done, good and faithful servant.” Slowly but surely, bit by bit, this sinks in and the limitations and real circumstances don’t grate on me quite so much…most days. 😉
Just wondering if you have an email address for a note not everyone needs to read. Thanks!
I’ve been reading this series and I look forward to it each day, some chords struck are stronger than others, then there’s days when I have to blink away the tears in order to keep reading, I hope this becomes an annual thing, with to do lists and more events and more demands on us moms tis time of year it’s nice to have a whistle blown on us to take a time out, to refresh, renew, and enjoy our kids right where we are. This series is a blessing! Thank you!
Thank you thank you thank you for this series! Yesterday I was crying. I told my husband something to the effect that I wanted to enjoy my children, but I don’t know how. I love them more than I even know, yet in the weariness of the day to day, I’m impatient. I wave them aside to get My Stuff done. He told me about your series. I have only read part of it so far, but wow! It is powerful stuff. Just what I needed right now. I feel these precious days with my little ones slipping away so fast…I don’t want to waste them. Thank you for your encouragement.
I know what you mean. When I first thought of writing this series, I did not want to do it. I did not want to write it because I struggle with this very thing so much! Some days, I think I have it down and then the next day, I don’t. I am in a hurry. I am impatient. I get caught up in my lists and my to-dos, and my heart breaks because I want more than that. so thank you for reading and being willing to think through these things with me. May we all continue to grow together in Christ toward becoming better moms.
I’m not a Christian, but your thoughts on accepting the blessings the life one has been given are full of wisdom and truly resonate with me. thank you.
Thank you for reading! It’s nice to know that truth is a common ground.
“Respond to the wind and pull on the string.”
Respond to the Wind of the Spirit and pull on the string”
Absolutely.
Thanks for these thoughts today. This is an area I definitely need to think more on. One of my biggest frustrations in being a mom is that I feel like I want to have a cleaner house and do more baking and gardening than seems possible with three kids. Then I end up angry and frustrated with the kids when they “get in the way of my plans”. Need to adapt my goals, I think!
I think I routinely expect more of myself (in respect to housework) than is realistic, and that needs to change!
Me too! My husband always has to remind me that I’m not Supermom. I’m not good at juggling lots of things, either, so if I have too much on my plate, I get frustrated because I can’t focus or do any of it well. I’m trying to learn to have a more realistic expectation of myself.
“Instead, you can look at today as an opportunity to adapt to your environment and the needs of your children. ” (your quote)
Loved it— thanks for sharing– I live in an MCS Safe Home– & can rarely leave my ” MCS Safe Home”–or I’m exposed to chemicals & fragrances that are life threatening to me– your blog meant a lot to me also— thanks!!!! When you choose to use fragrances, chemicals, or pesticides, You are not simply making a choice for yourself, You are making a choice for everyone around you!!!!
http://somdasmcschatter.wordpress.com
Wow–I can’t imagine living like that! My step-dad’s first wife had severe chemical sensitivities, along with other health issues. It was a very difficult time for the entire family because everything hurt her. I’m sorry you have to go through a similar thing.