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30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Work {Day 24}

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The weekends were the hardest. That’s what I remember most about my first year as a mother.

The weekends were the hardest because they were the same as every other day of the week, and they were not supposed to be. Weekends were for sleeping in and lingering over breakfast and taking long walks and reading long books. Weekends were supposed to be mine.

But Saturday morning, the baby was up just as early as ever. There was laundry to be done and the grocery shopping to catch up on and meals to be made so I would be ready for the week ahead. Sunday mornings were a rush of trying to get out the door on time and keeping the baby away on the drive home so she wouldn’t mess up her afternoon nap. There was housework and homework and hardly ever a real break.

I sincerely believed I deserved a real break.

I was pouting about this one day (pouting in a very reverent, mature way, of course) when my husband stopped me. I expected him to say something sympathetic or rub my feet, maybe both. He had done those things before. But not this time. This time, he looked at me and quoted the Book of Job. “Who are you, oh man?” he asked.

I blinked.

“Who are you? So what if your life is a little hard right now? So what if you don’t get to do the things you think you should be able to do? Most people don’t! This is what God has called you to for this short season of your life! Who are you to question God?”

It was a completely absurd thing to say to a woman who had just worked a fifty hour week and still had to get up at 5:30 am with the baby. It was an absurd thing to say to a woman who had to drop out of seminary in order to take a job as a nanny so she could support her husband’s education and still take care of their child.

But he was right.

I had allowed myself to feel like a victimized by God’s plan for me. I had allowed myself to believe that this was too hard. This was too much of a sacrifice. This was not what I was made to do.

I had thought perhaps that God had a higher purpose for me because He had gifted me in ways I felt sure could bring Him glory. I did not think I was serving God enough just by being a mom. I felt there must be a higher calling for me—surely!—than just the plain old ordinary stuff of earth.

In my heart, I cried out to God, “You gave me these gifts! Why won’t you let me use them?”

The answer came: “You have no higher calling than the work I have called you to do.”

It does not really matter what someone else gets to do for God. It does not matter who He sends to Africa or gets to use her gifts in glorious ways. It does not matter what God has asked you to do if it is not what He has asked me to do.

The most contented mothers I know are those who are secure in their calling and purpose before God. It does not matter what their gifts are, or even what their desires are. Because of the fact that He gave them children, they understand and embrace the reality that God has called them to the ministry of motherhood.

Sometimes, that means they can use their gifts every day. Sometimes, it means they must balance how to use their gifts and care for their children. But often, very often, it means a dying to self, of giving back to God what was given to them and trusting that it will still be there when these years are through.

Every single mother I have ever met is gifted beyond what is required of her in her home. She has talents that go unused, abilities that are not recognized, and even spiritual gifts that she does not have time to use in the church. How can it be that nearly half of the population wastes these treasures in order to raise children?

Because it is the work that God has called us to for this time and for His great purpose. The fact that we do not always get to use our gifts does not mean that there is nothing more to us than motherhood. It means that we are willing to set those aside in order to be obedient to what God has called us to now.

Does that mean that I cannot work outside the home or go to school or pursue my dreams? Of course not. I would never be so bold as to limit God’s will for any person. But I do know this—if you are a mother, you will never find a higher calling than to invest in the lives of your children and it may very well be that God is asking you to let Him guard your dreams while you do the work that is ripe for this moment.

It is hard.

It is hard because I forget that I am a slave. I know I am adopted and I am a daughter and bride of Christ. But still, fundamentally, I am a slave of Christ. My life is not my own. I have been bought—redeemed, yes, but bought nonetheless. My good and loving Master gives me the work He wants me to do. No matter what the task, great or small, I cannot glorify or please Him at all unless I do what He requires of me.

I must understand that whatever He asks me to do is His highest purpose for me! The work He has given me is my ministry to Him. It is my sacrifice of obedience. It is my highest calling.

Sometimes we miss what God has for us, not because we do not think big enough, but because we are not willing to bend low enough.

I am a slave. When I come to Him, seeking His will, it should be with hands outstretched, ready to do my Master’s will, even on the weekends. My prayers should be of openness and humility. “Please, show me what you would have for me to do today.”

It could very well be that your job today is to do the laundry and make the lunches. Be willing to accept that, and you will find great peace and contentment as you go about your work today.

There is no higher calling than to do the work God has appointed for you.

Please join us tomorrow for Day 25: Boundaries

For further thought:

1) Read Luke 17:9-10. How should be think about recognition in regard to our work? How should we feel about doing the lowly things that come with our responsibilities as mothers?

2) If you find yourself frustrated with the daily and mundane aspects of motherhood, meditate on this verse. Hold it dear to your heart and consider that you are pleasing God the most by doing what He has asked of you. “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord, rather than for men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Colossians 3:23-24

3) Perhaps you have gifts you have not been able to use for God. Why is it okay to give them back to God for this season? Can you trust Him to return them when the time is right, and give you opportunities to use them in the future?

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Adapting {Day 23}

Day 1 Starts here.

The summer after eighth grade, I went away to a science camp deep in the woods of Northern Wisconsin. My science teacher, Mr. Han, had arranged for me to go on a full scholarship, along with my arch-nemesis Philip Brown. That part was unfortunate.

But even the presence of Philip somewhere within a thirty-mile radius could not keep me from enjoying every second of the camp. We dissected owl pellets, rigged pulleys high up in the trees, and learned about the ecosystems along the lake.

One day, we studied the mechanics of aerodynamics by building our own kites. As soon as we were done with our handiwork, we scampered off to the beach to try them out. To our dismay, the weather did not cooperate. The wind was coming from the wrong direction. Instead of blowing in strong off the lake like it usually did, the wind came from the direction of the trees, which blocked it off like a wall. The beach was a virtual dead zone.

In order to get the kites to fly at all, we had to run along the beach as fast as we could, letting the string out little by little until the kites had enough lift to catch the wind blowing high above our heads. If we let the string out too quickly, our kites would fall limp. If we didn’t let it out quickly enough, the kites twisted and strained behind us but never went any higher.

It was exhausting.

The boys, who could run faster than the girls, had more immediate success. Even Philip Brown, who was not exactly the picture of physical prowess, managed to get his kite soaring before mine. He looked at me smugly as my kite took a devastating dive.

“Don’t worry about him,” Mr. Han said when he came to help me out.

“It’s a terrible day for flying a kite,” I noted with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Mr. Han said while he showed me what I was doing wrong. “Conditions are rarely perfect. But you will be amazed at what can happen if you simply learn to adapt.”

He sent me off on another sprint down the beach, telling me to wait for the pull of the wind in my kite before I gave it more line. I did exactly that, and slowly, my kite began to rise.

Many years later, I found myself talking to a mother who had figured out how to get her kite to fly while I was still on the beach untangling my string. She was providing her child with a rich environment in which he was excelling. I was getting my kid fed each day. She was doing everything “right” and I was just managing not to do everything wrong.

Conditions were not perfect. And I found myself frustrated because I was trying to parent as if they were. I was trying to parent as if I could run just as fast as the boys and if my kite was made to fly just the way the others were.

I was stuck.

It took years of running on the beach, exhausting myself, before I began to figure it out. Adapting, for me, meant accepting things as they really were, not waiting for them to be my ideal. It meant giving up certain dreams of what I thought my home would look like, and embracing the better reality of what God had given me. It meant acknowledging the uniqueness of each child, my limitations as a mother, and very real circumstances in which we were living.

Are conditions perfect in your home today? Most likely, they are not. You can view that as a frustration, but if you do, you will miss out on enjoying your children today, or any day that isn’t ideal.

Instead, you can look at today as an opportunity to adapt to your environment and the needs of your children. Ask yourself:

*Am I expecting more of my child than he is capable of?

*Am I expecting more of myself than I am capable of?

*Am I responding to the needs of my children as they arise or I am I unwilling to adjust to changing circumstances?

*Am I willing to accept the fact that our reality may not look like the ideal?

*Am I comparing myself or my child to someone else?

*Am I trying to please God or man?

*Can I change any of our current circumstances, including my attitudes or actions, to create a more successful environment?

*Have I sought wisdom in how to handle this particular situation?

*Have I considered that this is an opportunity to test my faith and trust God because of the fact that the situation is not ideal?

*Have I stopped and prayed?

At the end of our day on the beach, when conditions were less than ideal, we all learned an important lesson about adapting, and we all enjoyed an afternoon of flying kites on a beach with no wind. Some students had to run faster than others. Some kites had to be adjusted or mended. Some of us had to learn to respond to the wind and the pull on the string. But every single kite flew.

Have you learned to adapt when conditions are not perfect?

Conditions are rarely perfect

Please join us tomorrow for Day 24: Work

For further thought:

1) Read James 1: 2-5. How can we consider it joy when conditions are not perfect?

2) Think about what your ideal morning would look like. Is it realistic? Or are you setting yourself up for frustration by idealizing a home you can never have?

3) Spend some time praying for your children today. Ask God to help you parent according to their needs, not your ideals.

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Variety {Day 22}

New here? Click here to start at the beginning of the series.

The first winter we lived in the Pacific Northwest, we broke a record for the wettest winter in the history of man. The clouds dripped cold, wet rain until it felt like it might even rain in the house. One day, I lifted the shades in the bedroom and found moss growing up the insides of the windows.

Starbucks enjoyed a nice boost of business that year. So did the library and the McDonald’s that had the indoor playground. So did the doctor’s offices, because all those places were filled with drippy-nosed children who hadn’t seen the light of day in months. The germs went wild.

Meanwhile, my mommy friends and I plotted to hijack a plane and force it to deposit the frizzy-haired, fleece-clad lot of us in Hawaii. Or Arizona. Actually, we’d be happy if the plane simply flew up over the cloud cover so we see that the sun was still there. Beautiful sun.

We were all suffocating under the monotony of endless sameness. Every day, the same gray clouds pressed down. Every day, the same icy rain kept us inside. Every day, our waking hours exceeded our creativity by at least six times. We were grumpy.

What was lacking that winter was anything new. We all felt like we were shriveling up even in the midst of all that rain.

It became painfully obvious that we needed some variety.

Most of us already knew that. “Variety is the spice of life,” right? But that winter, we felt it.

Mothers need variety. Children need variety. Without it, life becomes exceedingly boring, even wearisome. Children often respond to that boredom by acting out. Mothers often respond to that boredom by becoming depressed, short-tempered, or withdrawn. It’s a bad combination.

But change, even a little bit of change, can breathe new life into a dreary day. It helps us to enjoy our children more because change is restorative. It awakens a part of our soul that was created by an infinitely creative God. With abandon, He filled the darkest corners of the earth and the deepest depths of the ocean with strange and beautiful things. The universe is so full of the treasures of His Creation we will never come to the end of them. Man has tramped all over this world, and yet he has only begun to discover the inventions of a God who did not limit Himself when creating this home for us.

Remarkably, the God who ordered everything so perfectly also made everything so perfectly unique. Every blade of grass is the same in its composition, yet each one differs in its form. Each snowflake is just as much a snowflake as the next, yet no two are alike. Each day, the sun rises and sets in the same way, yet every day is new.

Bringing variety into our homes is one of the ways we reflect the image of God. God is creative, and when we are creative, we are like Him. None of us is creative to the same degree as God, of course, and we do not all reflect this aspect of His character to the same degree. I am often humbled when I see the creativity of others that is much more like the creativity of God than my own.

But to be creative does not mean I have to come up with the ideas myself. It means to create, using whatever resources are available, even the ideas and inspiration of others. That’s why God made Pinterest.

If you find yourself getting into a rut with your children, and each day seems mundane and uninspiring, and you find yourself lacking enjoyment of them, it might be time to get creative. Look for ways you can bring some newness and change into your home.

Not everyone thrives on the same amount of change or even the same types of change, but even very simple things like a fresh haircut or getting new books at the library can make you and your child feel renewed. It can spark fresh excitement and enjoyment in your relationship.

Here are some ideas:

*Do a toy swap with a friend. What could be more fun than having some new toys or puzzles to play with for the week?

*Have a picnic lunch on the living room floor, complete with blankets and lemonade.

*Help your child decorate her room.

*Take the kids out of school for the day and go do something special as a family.

*Take a different way home, or follow a road and see where it goes.

*Eat at an ethnic restaurant you’ve never tried before, or research a country and make your own ethnic cuisine. Don’t forget to decorate appropriately!

*Try a new craft! Have your kids ever used pastels? Clay? Beads? Check out Pinterest for an endless supply of ideas. Pick one and surprise the kids.

*Rearrange the furniture.

*Eat by candlelight.

*Get out your old CDs and educate your children on “good music.” Don’t forget to dance!

*Throw a tea party.

*Play a physical game with your kids, like tag or Twister.

*Slip love notes to your kids under their doors.

*Plan a day trip! Don’t tell your kids where you’re going. Just load them up in the car and let them writhe with anticipation.

*Create a scavenger hunt in the house or yard.

*Visit the elderly. Bring a list of questions and try to learn more about what life was like many years ago.

*Hide Easter eggs…in January.

*Get new coloring books and crayons. Don’t skimp on the new crayons. It’s fun.

*Make a new dessert. Let the kids pick!

*Choose a family to bless. Make up a basket of goodies, personal products, or food items and drop it off on their doorstep. If you live in the city, create gift bags full of sample products, non-perishable food items, and other necessities and hand-deliver them to a panhandler.

*Make and send cards to a deployed soldier.

*Make pretzels. Let the kids shape their own!

*See how big of a blanket fort you can make.

*Put everyone’s name in a bowl and let each person draw a name. Spend the day doing special things for the person you picked.

These are just ideas to get you started. The possibilities are endless, just like the creativity of God. Why not pick one thing to do this weekend to breathe some newness and creativity into your home. You will find that you and your children enjoy the change.

Need variety ? Throw a toga party.

Please join us on Monday for Day 23. Only eight days left!

For further thought:

1) Some children struggle with change. If you have a child who does not like most types of change, you may need to focus on making the changes less dramatic, like changing your own bedroom or simply putting fresh flowers on the table. Don’t let your child’s uncertainty keep you from doing anything at all. Simply do things more slowly.

2) We learned in our post on constancy that creativity without constancy is chaos. Even though creativity is one aspect of God’s character, so is order. If you are a very creative person, you may need to learn to balance your creativity with some structure so your children don’t feel like they’re living in a state of chaos. Read the creation account of Genesis 1. Notice how God ordered His creation to reflect both aspects of His character. Does your home reflect both order and creativity?

3) What are some of the ways you have introduced variety into your home? How do you keep things interesting and new? Please share in the comments!

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