*These are not Noah’s hands
The news was completely unexpected. For the past five years, my husband has been teaching Bible and theology at a small private school in our area. But the economy has taken a toll on the school, and enrollment is down. The board was forced to make cuts, combine classes, and let a teacher go.
It made sense, in a way. All the other teachers are responsible for core classes. Latin. English. History. Math. My husband has two master’s degrees in Bible and Theology, but he couldn’t tell you five things about Shakespeare or explain why x equals 3, or how the alphabet got mixed up with the numbers in the first place. It really was the most logical decision: Jeff should be the one to go.
The principal was very kind and even apologetic about the decision. He gave the typical “it’s not you, it’s us” speech that one would expect in a situation like this. They didn’t want to let him go.
Still, when I got the news, it felt like a punch in the gut. It felt personal, even though I knew it wasn’t. I spent the day feeling nauseous and fighting back tears and trying to make the rational side of my brain sit on my emotions. What are we going to do now? I thought about my kids and my mortgage and the school books I had just ordered and wished now that I could return.
Then my husband came home from work. He walked in the door with a huge smile on his face but stopped when he saw me. I burst into tears. “Kristie!” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “Don’t you see? God is about to do something! It’s going to be okay.”
“I know,” I sniffed.
“Really? Because you know He’s going to take care of us. He’s always taken care of us.”
“I know.” I did. Really. I was crying because I was just so…happy.
“Then be excited!” He looked like he was enjoying this. “We’re about to find out exactly where God wants us next.”
I smiled and said, “Yeah!”
But inside, I was thinking about how much easier it would be to be excited if I didn’t know a thing or two about God. I know that God sometimes has a funny way of making everything work out for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose. Sometimes, the working out for the good takes the long road. Sometimes, it doesn’t make any sense at all. Sometimes, it even hurts.
That night, after I’d finished crying and eating some conciliatory ice cream, I settled down in the rocking chair with the book of Hebrews, chapter 11—the great Hall of Faith as it’s sometimes called. I got through Abel and Enoch and came to verse 7 where Noah caught my eye.
Noah. Everyone knows the story about Noah. He’s the one who built the ark, collected the animals, and floated around with them while the rain came down and filled up the whole earth. You know, that Noah.
This time, one little phase about Noah struck me. The writer of Hebrews said, “In reverence, Noah prepared an ark…” Reverence. Awe. Fear. Praise. Worship.
Suddenly, I pictured Noah up there on his ladder, banging away on his ridiculously large boat, praising God while his fields went to weeds and his goats broke through their fences. He already knew the “working out for the good” was going to hurt. It was going to hurt like nothing he’d ever known.
In fact, when God came to tell Noah about the flood, Noah’s father was still alive. His grandfather was still alive. The Bible doesn’t say it, but he probably had brothers and sisters and most certainly a slew of cousins and friends and neighbors. He didn’t know that his dad would die before the ark was finished. But he did know that there was only room for eight. He did know that almost everyone he had ever met in over 500 years of living was not on the list.
The years came and went and Noah kept felling trees and planing boards while the people he knew and loved came and stared and pointed at his ark. Maybe they even looked inside and gave advice about the size of the windows. Maybe they laughed. Maybe they praised. And all that time, Noah looked at their faces and listened to their words and thought about how much it was going to hurt.
But he didn’t stop working, even when his wife came out after washing up the dinner dishes and said, “Really, Noah? An ark? You haven’t even finished my kitchen cabinets!” Noah just grinned at her with a nail between his teeth and kept on banging, but in the secrecy of his thoughts, he knew that that the woman he loved was going to have to watch her world wash away. And it was going to hurt.
But somehow, Noah also knew that God was at work, and Noah believed that any place where God is working is holy ground. The whole world was degenerating into apathy and filth, but this, this was holy ground. He took off his shoes and smeared pitch all over a house of worship that looked like a lot like a coffin, a coffin that might just save the world. He chose not to fear. He chose to stand in awe.
With reverence, he loaded up the wife and kids and all the animals, including the ones he didn’t particularly like and the ones that didn’t particularly like him. He double checked to make sure he packed food for the lions. Then he herded in the sheep and the goats that he knew would be a sacrifice to God when this whole thing came out all right. Because the whole thing was going to come out all right.
When the time was full, God slowly shut the door, and the last glimpses of blue sky melted behind a door Noah and his family could not open from the inside. In the dimness, they waited.
The animals felt it first. They shifted their weight against the splinters on the floor, uneasy as the barometer fell. Then he heard it. The rain. They listened, and everyone jumped when they felt the wood scrape against the earth and bump into the rocks as the water rose and lifted them away from the only home they had ever known.
It’s funny how you can think you’re brave when there’s nothing to be brave about. In the darkness, as the wood of the ark groaned under the weight of the water, Noah had something to be brave about. More than likely, Noah discovered he wasn’t brave at all. But he had faith, and he held on to the expectation that he was right where he was supposed to be because he was right where God had told him to go.
So here we are, my husband and family and I, feeling the floorboards creak underneath us and wondering where God is going to lead. It might not be easy. It might hurt. But we have a firm expectation that God is at work, and God is leading us right where He wants us. With reverence, we are waiting for the ark to move, fully expecting everything to come out to the praise of His glory.
Just like Noah. The waters did not stay. They raged and foamed but they did not stay. The ark came to rest and the door was opened from the outside by the hand of one who is Mighty to Save. Noah walked out into the blinding light, knelt down on the earth still swollen with water, and began to dig out rocks for an altar using his bare hands. He built it up and brought out the animals he had preserved for such a time as this. Out of the reverence of his heart, out of the expectation and belief and faith that was in his soul all along, Noah prepared a sacrifice for the realization of what he fully expected to happen. God would make all things work together for the good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.
It hurt, no doubt about it, but God had made it good.
A red apple award for five years of teaching and the book of Hebrews
Just read this post. Truly moved, especially by the apple on the book of Hebrews. Hearing that Jeff was not coming back next year was a jolt to the gut for me as well–though certainly not like it was to you. He has been a source of strength, faithfulness, compassion, and humor at school, and the halls
of that school will ring more hollow because of his absence. I am trying to email you with a dinner invite. Can you contact me? Laura
“When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Istrael, thy Saviour…Fear not: for I am with thee.” Is. 43: 2, 3a, 5a. Actually, Is. 43 is a terrific chapter for difficult times. We continue to pray for you and are excited to hear what He will be doing in your lives next! And don’t forget what you told me on Dec. 28, 1988 – “God has promised that He will never give us more than we can handle.” We love you!!!
That’s the perfect insight in a thread like this.
Perquè passa que quan s’espatlla una cosa de la casa, comencen a fallar totes? I perquè serà que quan no raja aigua de l’aixeta ens quedem sense saber què fer? Ens hem acostumat a viure massa bé.
Visste ikke at Mor Åse hadde et slikt garn. Det må prøves. Halsen ble lekker. En slik liten sak fiffer opp en kjedelig genser. Kos deg på Nordmøre!
My husband quit his job a few months ago. It had just become way too negative of an environment. I was so scared, but he showed no fear, which scared me even more. But so far, the mortgage is paid and the kids are fed… so God has kept our Arc afloat! Can’t wait to see where your journey takes you next!
Two days after our third child was born my husband stood in front of our congregation and resigned. The Lord had convicted us that it was time to move on. We lived through 6 months of unemployment. And God provided all of our needs every step of the way. Faith is a mighty challenge sometimes! I remember writing this towards the end of our journey: http://onesmallspark.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/what-we-saw-in-the-light/. As believers we long to rely fully on Him, but reliance can be humbling and dark at times. Praying his voice remains clear for you every step of your journey.
Sometimes, the pain and uncertainty wears a person down in a way you never thought possible. To quote Jane Fairfax in Jane Austen’s Emma, …’we all know at times what it is to be wearied in spirits. Mine, I confess, are exhausted.’
My husband has not had steady work in 5 years. The Lord has indeed been faithful. But over and over again I am brought to the point where I MUST acknowledge that all and everything is in God’s control…..and that includes the faith that He gives me to be able to trust in Him. It is He who holds me. Yes, I hold on to Him, but in my weariness, I can sometimes feel myself slipping, and it is then that I really know that, first and foremost, He holds on to me. This is the God we serve: the One who sent His Son to come as a Babe to seek and save sinners, gives eyes of faith so that we can see Him, and then, miracles of miracles, doesn’t stand back to watch what we will do, but actually picks us up and carries us through all the avenues of life.
Thank you for your post, and thank you to all the people who have posted replies. It is good to read the testimonies of the saints. May we all continue steadfastly in the work of the Lord in whatever adventure He has placed us.
Thank you for your beautifully written and insightful post. A year ago my husband lost his job unexpectedly, due to financial cutbacks as well. The fear of the unknown was paralyzingly painful. We didn’t know how we would make it six months, let alone a year. But time and time again, God provided. And in ways that we never would have scripted! The whole experience is so humbling, but I can tell you we have GROWN. Our children really learned how to put their trust in the Lord’s provision, and time and time again they witnessed His hands lifting us up. What a lesson to learn in faith at such young ages!! God has revealed to us where our real joy lies; not in money, not in things, not in job titles or status, but in Him and Him alone. Recently my husband received what we had prayed and prayed for; a job offer. It is not perfect and we will be packing our family of five up and moving to Ohio. But we prayed that the Lord lead, and we will follow. I love how you highlighted Noah’s faith in the face of uncertainty and pain. I needed to hear that, because I need to keep my faith in Him, even when it hurts. I will be praying for you and your family as you work through this difficult time of uncertainty.
What a wonderful message. My husband and I lost our jobs at a small private school due to budget cuts exactly one year ago. After the news of losing our jobs we found out I was pregnant with twins (#2 and 3). What a crazy set of circumstances! After 6 months of job hunting my husband took a job we knew God wanted him to take but we didnt know if it would pay our bills…..its been a crazy year, sometimes I feel like I am right on that ark, bumping around, waiting to see where we are going to land and how all of this is working out “for our good”. But amazingly we have accomplished more than I ever thought possible, our marriage is stronger, our faith is stronger, our bills are paid….we have received grace to carry us through. Praying God blesses your family as you ride the waves!
I love reading your blog, so far we have three in tow!! I love this post because sometimes He does lead through painful valleys and treacherous mountains– but He promises to be there with us– holding our hands! We don’t need to know how everything is going to turn out– we just need to know our God!! Praying for you and your family!
Thank you so much for writing this! I was actually at Prayer Meeting last night and wondered when you were going to write again and what God has been doing in your life. You are such a gifted writer, truly! I’m on the east coast of Canada and God has used your writing to encourage me on to continue daily fighting the fight and living for Him. My husband and I (with our toddler, baby, and baby on the way), need to be out of this house in 8 days and still don’t know where we’re moving…or if the Lord is going to give him a ministry conducive new job. We might find out tonight, although we were supposed to find out a week and a half ago. On this little piece of information hangs our future, which is completely in God’s hands. My husband has the same outlook as yours, I have the same outlook as you~”ya, but it’s gonna hurt and I know it!”. All that to say, this is exactly the encouragement I needed today. Thanks again so much for writing!
Oh, wow, Krystle. This really touched my heart. First, the fact that you thought of ME at a prayer meeting is super-special. What a neat thing to be a part of the body of Christ! Secondly, and more importantly, your comment made me realize (again) how much I have to be thankful for, and how much scarier it could be. I am praying that God provides for your family abundantly, and that He gives you peace as you ride this one out.
Thanks for replying, made my day. 🙂 I covet your prayers and will be praying for your family too. Peace seems hard to come by in trying/testing times, but I’m so thankful we know Who the author of peace is!! I like how you worded that, “ride this one out.” That explains it perfectly. And I agree, it is such a neat thing to be part of the body of Christ! Keep writing, k? You’re encouraging people all over the world! 🙂
Hey, that’s the greatest! So with ll this brain power AWHFY?
I read an HBM post at BlogRhet that led me here and though it is MONTHS later – wanted to a) offer appreciations for the post and b) tell you what a pleasure it is to see your face… your lovely face.
Hur kan man vara sÃ¥ sjukt trÃ¥ngsynt? Detta är inga militanta islamister i publiken det är ‘vanliga’ muslimer som reagerar som dem har blivit lärda, genom vÃ¥ld och hat! Över en jävla teckning, snälla fÃ¥ ut ditt huvud ur din bakdel. Och för all del, kalla alla som inte hÃ¥ller med dig rasister. En väldigt bra taktik i det politiskt korrekta samhälle vi lever i. Tack & Adjö!
You don’t know me, but as the wife of a Christian school teacher, you words hit a tender place in my heart. At times our financial future seems unsure, but as you stated so beautifully – “It might not be easy. It might hurt. But we have a firm expectation that God is at work, and God is leading us right where He wants us.” This post came at a time, when I needed it more than I even knew. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable about your faith in Christ and the frailty of human fears. I am so blessed to have found your blog!
Thank you Laura. You bless me just by taking the time to leave a comment. It’s good to know that we’re not in this alone, that others have gone through the same things, or at least can understand. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by all of you right now! I think my ark has a few more than eight on board. 🙂
Kristie,
I’m compelled to just say, “I’m praying that your ark reaches your mountain top and that it is glorious!”
Jen
Thank you! We’re going to have a big BBQ when it does. 😉
Your posts are so meaningful and wonderful. I love reading your blog because it gives me a quiet oasis in a busy world and you help me remember how important it is to hold on in the chaos and have faith. Thank you!
What a wonderful thing to say. Thank you so much for your encouragement to me!
God’s choicest wines are in His deepest cellars
I remember you saying that before and it’s very true. I think about all the saints in the Bible who’ve had to go down deep for some of that wine, and I realize that I am not unique in my trials and “sufferings,” which can hardly be call sufferings at all, nor is God finicky about blessing His children. He delights in blessing us! He can’t wait to show us what’s next.
Your husband sounds obnoxiously faithful like mine 🙂
I know what it is to be the crying wife leaning on the ridiculously confident husband! But I’m glad you have him.
I am glad the emotional and rational parts of your brain worked together to show us this wonderful faith that God is making in You, even in the midst of the storm!
Prayers for you.
I’ll be sharing this post.
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com
So true! Obnoxiously faithful–love it! He doesn’t seem to understand the part about NEEDING to cry. But I am so thankful for him! He is a rock, and his confidence allows me to trust as well. Thanks for reading and sharing my post, Emily. You are a gift!
Kristy, I thank you for your honesty. I praise God for His faithfulness. I have tasted the Fruit of the Vine and I am here to tell you that it IS good. That loss is replaceable and He will see you there. Personally. Praise Him! Remember Isaiah 41:10 and 14
July 2007, my husband lost his job in a Christian college. He had worked there for 13 years, and received 2 degrees including a Masters. God knew what we didn’t . The chain of events were nothing short of miraculous and now that college is facing loss of accreditation. He has had a much better job for the last 5 years and even received raises in this economy! We had to move away from our family and friends, but it is where God wants us. God closes one door to open a better one!
What a great story! I have been so blessed to read through these comments because God is so faithful. He was faithful to you and He has been faithful to us. I feel like we’re all putting up some remembering stones here, and it does me good to see them. Here’s to what’s next!
SO appreciate this post, Kristen. We lost a daughter shortly after she was born four months ago and my husband and I have been claiming Romans 8:28 as our family verse since then. ALL things for good. Amen.
Leah, you brought me to tears. I read your words and I thought to myself, “You don’t know anything about being in an ark. Leah knows about that.” What a difficult, painful time you and your are going through. These are the things that don’t make sense about how God works. But I am so thankful that you’ve put your hope in a sure thing. Sometimes it hurts. You wish with all your might that you could change it. But one day, probably not in this lifetime, it will all be made right. May God continue to use your daughter’s life to draw you closer to Him.
Thank you. Your willingness to struggle publicly with the grace of our God gives many hope. You and your family will remain in my prayers. Blessings to you and all the efforts you make in the Name of Jesus!
Thank you, Peggy!
An adventure, indeed. Praying you will grow in confidence and that the lessons aren’t too rough. gail
Hehe–I second the part about things not being too rough. 😉
Thanks for sharing, Kristie. I’ve had that punched in the gut feeling and it wasn’t even that they didn’t want to ask us to leave. It was the “easy” road for them, but not the right one. It’s hard, like driving in a blinding snowstorm. You know you’re driving but can’t see anything. And then comes the all-familiar feeling of being tucked into the cleft of the rock and watching the storm from that cleft and realizing that because of His hand you don’t feel the wind as much as you should. He’s a good God. I’ve been praying for you since I found out.
Yes, you guys have been through the storm, and more than one at that. I love that line you wrote about the all-familiar feeling of being tucked into the cleft of the rock. Beautiful. And so true.
Great post that met me right where I’m at!! We’re a missionary family of 5 getting ready to come off the field and unsure of many of life’s details! Thanks for sharing.
‘Fear not, for I am with. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”
Amen, what a truth.
Oh man, we’ve been there. May God bless you all during this time of transition. Thank you for your service overseas! I am praying specifically that God will pour out His storehouses on you, and that He will give you the desires of your heart (even the little things that don’t really matter to anyone but you). He is a God who notices the details. 🙂
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!
My husband is a High School History teacher, he teaches a College class on Monday nights. He didn’t get the job last semester, and that was really tough. I know what you mean about a punch in the gut.
You sow seeds into the offering plate and sometimes it seems like God is not going to give you anything back. But my husband got that job offered to him again (a different class), and he got choosen to be in a grant this semester and next. God is good, we just have to wait sometimes.
Hopefully your husband gets lots of daddy time with his kids. 🙂
I’ve tasted that place. You’re not alone. <3 How wonderful to be serving a faithful, faithful God.
Praise Him!
Wonderful post. I’m in the midst of change and scared, but trying to trust.
Man, it’s SO hard sometimes! I sometimes wish that God would speak as clearly to me as He did to Noah, but then again, I’m not sure I could handle the knowledge that Noah had to handle. I’m taking a minute right now to pray for you and the decisions you have to make.
Thanks for sharing the link to my blog!