When I first started homeschooling my daughter, I had no intentions of making it a thing. I was a mom who happened to be homeschooling, but I was NOT a homeschool mom. There’s a difference.
In the beginning, I was organized and creative and a little smug. I had a daughter who, at two, could spell her name, count in Spanish, and sing the order of the planets. At playgroup, she said words like otoscope, marsupial, and impertinent. At age five, she informed me that her favorite book was The Swiss Family Robinson. Unabridged. I proudly displayed her beautiful handwriting on the fridge and plastered gold stars all over her work.
Fast forward a few years and a few more children. I am no longer smug. I am no longer organized. I don’t even have stickers because someone stuck them all over the cat. I have no idea what I’ve taught to whom or if my third child even knows there are planets.
The counters are covered with suspicious jars of things for science and toilet paper tubes for art, which is ironic because the old me would have sworn toilet paper tubes could never be art.
I am a homeschool mom. Not just a mom who homeschools, but a bona fide, tried-by-phonics homeschool mom who teaches not just one advanced child, but five children of varying degrees of talent and ability, attention and cooperation, desire and will. I am not just a patient, creative, enthusiastic teacher but a distracted, tired, and sometimes frustrated teacher who hopes the grocery clerk won’t ask the kids any difficult questions like “What grade are they in?”
I am a homeschool mom, and the dirty truth is, I don’t really like it. At noon on most days, I am on my second pot of coffee and my first pair of pajamas. Even on the best days, when everything is clicking right along and no one has cried over math even once, I sometimes stare out the window and indulge a fantasy about a big yellow bus that makes house calls.
I’d like to quit. I think about all the other things I could be doing instead of teaching long division again. I am convinced that if there really was such a thing as Purgatory, it would involve teaching long division. Or beginning reading.
Every few months, when a new math lesson results in mass hysteria or cursive practice threatens to be fatal, I have a little breakdown. I go up to my room and cry and think about the fact that there are worse things than raising five illiterate children.
Of course, that’s an exaggeration. Only two of them are illiterate.
There are also worse things than doing something you don’t like. No one will tell you that, but it’s true. We want to believe that we were put on this earth to feel good and serve our own dreams and desires, but that’s a lie. We were put on this earth to glorify God, and that sometimes takes a different road than I would have guessed.
I think about this often on the “I Don’t Wanna” days. Like it or not, homeschooling is the best option for our children for now. I’ve done the math. It always comes out the same. That means that God is in this. He has led me here and He has called me to this trial challenge opportunity for His time and for His purpose.
If God has called me here, He will provide the strength I need to stay here. I realize I have an unparalleled opportunity to see God work. And do you know where He tends to work first? In me.
That is the awful beauty of homeschooling. It gets at the stuff I tend to shove in the corners. It gets at the cruddy parts and the broken parts and the parts that should have been refined by now but aren’t. I am impatient, still. I am selfish, still. I am lazy, still.
No matter how many times a big yellow bus stops at my house, it is not going to take away all that stuff that lingers in my heart. Only God can do that, but God will only do that if I am obedient.
So on this beautiful day, I am thankful to be where God is. It just so happens to be in a living room sprinkled with flashcards and library books. It just so happens to be in my own home teaching my own children. It just so happens to be in the refiner’s fire.
It just so happens to be right where I need to be.
Thank you for that because I constantly think about whether or not to put our son back in school. He tells everyone he hates being home schooled because he misses his friends of course this is a bruise to my pride because I would love for him just once to say he likes to be with me. LOL
beginning reading…. ahhhhhhh! last time going through alpha phonics, yay!
I appreciate your transparency. I do not believe I would be have been able to home school!
I just stumbled upon your blog. And came across this post! It was truly a perfect read for me at this time. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty and for seeing the humor {I am at the point that I fail to see the humor much too often}.
I read it out loud a second time to my husband and we laughed together and he said something to the effect of: ‘See you are not alone!!’
Thanks so much for the encouragement!! Very timely, gracious and true.
We are definitely not alone! I forget that sometimes when I am in the middle of the school day. Sometimes it helps just to know that there are other moms out there trying to get through the school day along with me. I hope your week is blessed as you work in your home!
Loved your post. .. your truthfulness and willingness to tell all that we all experience. Just 30 minutes ago I asked my four children what was their favorite and what was their least favorite things we do as a family. My 11 yr old son’s response?…”I love family night on Fridays, but don’t like school. .” Ouch! If he only knew the sacrifice it takes for a mom to homeschool. .. (and the fact that family night resulted as us being able to homeschool ;)) But I realize too that when I have a positive, fun attitude about school, they will too. I do hear my friends talk about their coffee times together and lunches they have after their trips to the gym… alone. And sometimes I feel that I want to be there too. . Then I remember. .I taught my daughter to read, and I constantly get compliments on my son’s good manners.. and I was a part of that. I know the relationships between my children would not be what they are today if they weren’t able to spend so much time together. .. it’s worth it. . Sometimes just have to be reminded of that. . Thank you for your blog.. it’s always one I take time out to read. .♥
I’ve read a TON of h’schooling posts in my 17 years of being a homeschool mom and this was by far my all time favorite. Thank you so much for sharing your heart so eloquently. (And hilariously – I actually snorted a few times!)
Thank you, Candy! 17 years–you must be a saint! 😉
this was perfectly said. we public schooled it for a few years with the 2 oldest til i finally {and reluctantly} gave in to God. What a heart experience the last year and a half have been for us all, but especially me. we will continue on, if only by God’s grace!
Thanks for sharing a great perspective Kristy! I’ve been at it for 16 years now and still a year or two to go! Doesn’t get any easier!
NOOOOO! Just kidding. Your kids are so great. I remember them fondly.
Ugh. My oldest just turned four, and I have been…well, I guess homeschooling is as good a term as any, since we’re learning together and we’re at home. I’m now nearing traditional school age and watching the big yellow bus with a mixture of jealousy and terror. Homeschooling is not abundantly popular in my area, and I dread the loneliness and the lack of me-time…but I think it’s best for my kids. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
Love this and very much with you…
It’s good to know that being in the place God wants you doesn’t mean it will always be easy or “fun”…but there is so much JOY in this post and your genuine delight in your kiddos come across as well 🙂
I just finished answering Faith’s letter and had it all sealed up when I remembered that I was going to comment on her cursive. It’s BEAUTIFUL!!! Tell her that Great Grandpa would be soooo proud of her. And you, of course, for teaching it to her:-)))
Thank you, Grandma!
I LOVE this and every part is true. As someone who is on year 12 and has one now in college I can tell you it is WORTH it. Yes, they learn to read and do long division but the RELATIONSHIP with my kids and their growth in Christ makes every hard day worth it.
Holy cow! I needed to hear this. I’ve been homeschooling for two years and have been contemplating throwing in the towel. But then there is that persistent, still small voice that beckons me to obey and experience a grace I’ve yet to experience. Thank you for your honesty!
Thanks for this..brought tears to my eyes. You said it perfectly “Like it or not, homeschooling is the best option for our children for now. I’ve done the math. It always comes out the same. That means that God is in this.” I may not want to do it, but I’ve been called…
Oh yeah, I remember those long division tears.
You guys had some of those too, huh? I tell myself that I did a lot of crying over long division when I was that age, and I was in public school at the time. So I think long division is to blame, and not my teaching, right? 😉
Absolutely! (We both hope, 🙂
Congratulations, Faith, on the A on the math test! 🙂
Love this!! <3
As a fellow homeschool mama, girl I’m with you, NEVER my intention to homeschool , but God works on you long enough he wins. And while there’s definetly ups and downs to homeschooling, it seems to benefit my refinement more than theirs……..
Amen to that! Refinement is one subject we do well around here (although, maybe not, as I keep having to repeat lessons….).
Thank you for sharing this. Great reminders all. So encouraging to know I’m in good company.
Yes! We’re all in the same boat, for both the good and the bad of it!
You always write what I need to hear! Thank you for being such a beautiful instrument of the Lord!
Thank you for reading, Heather!
I am currently living in the purgatory of beginning reading with my 5 year old son, so I really enjoyed reading this post!
I will pray for you so you can get out faster. 😉
What an awesome post! I love how honest you are!
Thank you for ALLOWING me to be honest. I used to worry about what people would think. Now I don’t because I have come to realize that you all are either very gracious or very understanding, and probably both.
Thank you so much for this post. As a home schooler of 4 kids I can relate very well to this post and it is just the encouragement I needed tonight!!!
May God give you extra strength tomorrow (unless you’re like me and take Wednesdays off, in which case, may God give you extra strength for Thursday).
I think all of us homeschool moms have those moments when we wish we could ship the kids off. It would be so much easier. But then I remember as you did that God is in this. I also remember that I have relationships with my kids that I never had with my parents…and that makes it all the more easier to enjoy even the hard days. Keep pressing on!