In the whole world of mothers, where each one of us is different and none of us quite knows what it’s like to be the other, I know we can agree on one thing: motherhood is hard.
It is the hardest thing I have ever done.
It is hard if you do it right. It is harder when you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes, it’s just hard to know the difference.
It’s hard to get up in the morning and it’s hard to go to bed at night and it’s hard to get through the afternoons when the kids are too big to take naps anymore.
It’s hard to make the tough choices like what to do about school and music and movies. It’s hard to know what to do about work and what to do about staying home, and it’s hard to make decisions about either one without turning a judgmental eye on someone else.
Because just as soon as it’s not hard, just as soon as one of us has it all figured out, well, then things change. Then that one can hold up a measuring stick for the rest of us to try to step up and reach. That one can see who passes the bar and who doesn’t. That one can walk on water.
But what if none of us can walk on water? What if all of us are in the same boat? What if all of us remain acutely aware that the waves are big, and if we all row together, why, we’ll all have a better chance of getting to the shore intact?
I’m a little tired of rowing by myself. I look around and I see that you are, too. Perhaps we can encourage each other along, for a little while. Perhaps we can put aside our differences, our insecurities, our superficial standards, and try to see what is good in each other. Maybe, just maybe, we can exchange a few sympathetic words because we both understand something about the other.
We both understand the fearful agony and awesome joy of raising a child for eternity. We understand that it is hard. The waves are high.
But at least we’re in it together.
As a mom of five grown and married “kids” I could share a lot about how not to do it, I guess. :>( Howeve, by God’s generous grace, I-we- must have done some things right as all of them know and love the Lord and are walking with Him and raising children to know Jesus, too. I’ve felt rebuffed when I’ve tried to be avalible to share my experience and some wisdom from the Lord and His Word with young wives and moms. Perhaps I need to learn how to go about it better. On the other side perhaps there is need to be open for help. Just sayin’
You have definitely earned the opportunity to speak into younger moms’ lives, and I certainly didn’t mean to imply that advice should never be given or welcomed. In fact, just the opposite. Loyalty as mothers means compassion. Understanding. A feeling of “wow, I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there.” A desire to help and be helped. That takes two moms to work! Both the mom who gives the advice and the mom who receives it must be willing to learn and help each other. So don’t stop helping. I think it’s good to check your heart and make sure compassion is at the forefront, but if you were to give me advice, I’d sure listen!
Oh, Kristen, I certainly didn’t mean to imply that I was offended or put off by any thing you said! :>( I don’t do a good job of putting my thoughts down on paper. In rereading what I wrote I did sound disgruntled. However, I’m not the only older, or should I say, much older woman to feel this way…not in all cases, of course. We’ve found that there is a tendency to rather look to their peers, that is to say, each other…those who are their age, raising little children, and in their lifestyle. I’ve found myself inclined to keep quiet. I appreciate your thoughts and anything else you have to offer…I am open to listen. Truth is, I don’t have a lot of contact anymore. Though I do Facebook with some of my granddaughters. I am very much appreciating and enjoying your writing, Kristen. Your openess and understanding is so refreshing.
You couldn’t have said this any better. I love the way you said it. It is so true. My philosophy once i became a mother (and should be applied to all of life, anyways): no judging -ever. ! It’s a tough road. It’s also always a comfort to hear that other people are figuring it out too 🙂
Although child rearing seems so hard to do properly, it is only in later life that you realize that you may have got one or two things wrong, however perfect they appear at the time. Every mother I have ever known will in all honesty admit to this, but past experience is very hard to pass on to a new mother who feels that she alone will know instinctively what is right and what is wrong. Sadly instinct plays tricks!It is sometimes better to follow the guidance of an older and wiser mother who is probably a grandmother as well! She has been through the experiences of all mothers even to the conclusion when little birds flee the nest leaving just memories1! Learn to trust older mothers!!
Yes, we certainly have a lot to learn and it would be foolish for any of us not to listen to the others. We might be different, but we’re more the same. The farther on I go in motherhood the more I know I need to ask for advice, help, and encouragement from the other moms who have already done it well!
What Anne said, although I can’t get my 23 year old out of the house!
And those of us who have passed the stage where our children are little and living at home need to try to be an encouragement to those who are still in the throes of child-rearing. We should be your biggest cheerleaders! Keep up the great work!
Love your sister, Steph, and have so much enjoyed reading your blog/FB updates since being introduced to them several months ago! Feel like I know you and your family, and what a blessing your writing is to me (and the other moms I have shared you with) in this journey of life! Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading along! Steph is such a huge encouragement. It’s wonderful that we ARE one big family!
This is such a beautiful expression of something I have struggled to put into words for so long. Kristy, I would be happy to row with you.
Likewise!
Just what I needed to read today…thank you!