Beauty in the season
It is October, which means my son has been working on his Christmas list for a few weeks already. He began the rough draft on April 12, when the buzz from the birthday cake wore off and he realized he still didn’t own a BB gun or a boa constrictor.
“Jonathan,” I said to him when he presented me with his working list, “it’s only October. There are pumpkins and leaf piles to enjoy, and you’re thinking about Christmas! Don’t rush the season.”
But at eight years old, it’s hard to be happy with pumpkins when Christmas is just around the corner. In fact, it’s hard to be eight when it would be much neater to be ten. It’s hard to be content with riding bikes and shooting Nerf guns when it would be so much more awesome to drive a car and shoot a rifle.
It is in our nature to be discontent with where we are, and ever to wander ahead of where we should be. In our striving to be somewhere we are not, we trade the beauty of the moment for a restless kind of rushing toward a place that may very well come, soon enough.
I have made the same mistake in my journey as a mother, more times than I care to admit. It seemed I was always pressing hard toward the next stage. I longed for my newborn to sleep through the night, for my six-month-old to sit up on her own, for my one-year-old to feed himself. I longed for my husband to have a stable job and or our income to be sufficient for our needs. I longed for a home I could call mine, and for the freedom that came with having older children.
I wish someone had told me, Don’t rush the season.
Maybe then I wouldn’t have struggled to potty-train a child who seemed to be ready, but wasn’t. I would not have attempted to take newborn twins on a family vacation. I would not have missed the blessings in the lean times or refused to grow in the places where God had so obviously placed me. I would not have been jealous of a season that had not yet come.
Everything is beautiful in its time
Every season has a beauty and a difficulty all its own. It is not always easy to walk through a valley of longing or grief. Most of us do not relish the uncertain times when jobs are lost or children are ill. We might struggle against the endless afternoons when our children are small and not easily occupied and it seems like we are wasting ourselves on the mundane tasks of changing diapers and sweeping up Cheerios.
But even the difficult seasons serve a purpose. When my husband and I were in seminary, we were dead broke. It was Christmas, and the only presents I could afford were those from a little shop on campus where students could give away unwanted items for other students to take. I had found some free toys and books for our daughter and wrapped them up. Even though she was not old enough to care, it grieved my heart that I could not give her a real gift. I worried about how we were going to pay our rent and felt guilty every time I bought groceries.
One day, when I was feeling particularly pouty because I had to take an extra cleaning job in order to make ends meet, we came home to find an envelope stuffed under our apartment door. It contained $200 in cash. Tears of gratitude and shame filled my eyes. I knew this was a season of growth, but I had been too busy complaining to be concerned about growth. I had been too busy longing for what we did not yet have to realize that we had something now that we would never have again.
At no other season in my life could $200 mean so much to me. At no other season in my life could I learn humility and gratitude from having to give used gifts as presents. At no other season in my life could I have nothing and everything all at once.
If I had gotten my way, I would have missed it. If I had gotten my way, I would have pushed passed the struggle in my desire to get to the easier years to come. That envelope was like the voice of God shouting at me, Don’t rush the season.
A time for every purpose under heaven
Our family has come to another season of uncertainty. We do not know where the path will lead. After December 15th, when my husband’s military orders end, we will be without full-time employment. It is scary, to be sure, but I have found a certain rest and contentment in this period of waiting and trusting. I am not always patient. Sometimes, I worry and long for answers.
But by God’s grace, I have also been able to see the beauty in this season. This is the hard place that lets us see the hand of God. This is the place where doors open, not because I pushed, but because He turned the handle. When it is over, I will be thankful. But for now, I am appreciating the purpose and significance of this time.
This time, I am not rushing the season.
“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace…He has made everything appropriate in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11a
Hi Kristen,
I am the Pastor’s wife at SPCC and was there at MOPS (I’m a mentor mom). Just wanted to say you did a great job! I am also a writer and blogger. http://www.gfpastorswife.blogspot.com
Stacey Johnson
Hi Stacey! I recognize your picture! Thanks so much for letting me come and talk to your group. I really enjoyed it. You have a great bunch of moms there! Now I’m heading over to cyber-stalk you on your blog. 🙂
Ah, I have been through times when I thought they would never end, but I found a phrase in God’s word that has been a comfort to me – “And it came to pass”. Also, as I look back at those times I can say it was awesome to “stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.”
I can only say that the Lord used you in a mighty way when you typed these words. I have been at home for 5 months with all three of my children. First time we have ever been a one income family…. I am an artist…but there are not a ton of sells. And I’m listening to God’s voice and beginning a ministry for women…and my back account is empty…and my nerves are frayed… And I know that He is still faithful… But sometimes I still taste fear…
Love this. Wisdom beyond your years, Kristen.
Sigh. This is really good for me to read. I am SO bad about this, especially right now when I feel like the world is coming down on me. Thank you.
This is something God’s been speaking to me about this week – I’ve been so longing for the weekend and I realized that I was wasting the whole week waiting for Friday afternoon to get here! I need to be content to take each day as a gift from God and walk through each moment of each day. Thanks for saying it so well.
I am fighting the same thing. I don’t want to miss the next seven weeks just because I’m longing for December 15. It is hard, especially when the days are long and I am tired. But there is so much to learn right now. I’ve really been amazed at what a blessing this season has become, just because I’ve been willing to BE in it.
My Mom constantly quoted this verse to us growing up. It didn’t matter if we were running in church, or yelling in a restaurant, or longing for some future event…she would say “Now is not the time or the season for….etc.” I’m so thankful that she taught me that. And yes, I too am learning to appreciate each season as we are in it. We do not know what lies ahead so we need to appreciate and enjoy each day as much as is possible.
And you’re right, more important than finding a full time job and having that house to call “my ” own, is seeing God turn the handle.
Hi Kristie. I am a new reader, but this was just so beautiful, and such a great reminder for me today, that I have to comment. I finished treatment for cancer just one year ago, and I often think I should be happier, stronger, more confident in my future path, etc., etc. than I truly am right now. I am so impatient to get to the next stage in my life, or even to go back to the pre-cancer stage (but with my adorable son who a high-risk birth)! But you have put so beautifully what I know is true. And when I stop to think about it, I am indeed learning more about myself than ever before, as well as more about suffering and love. So maybe it’s not time for winter quite yet. 🙂 Thank you again, and prayers are with you and your family as you find contentment right where you are.
This spoke to my heart. Sometimes I get this mind set in a smaller respect. When all my weeks start to be a repeat of the previous one I start searching for the next “big event”. A weekend away, a wedding to attend, a school function. And I waste away all the days leading up to it. Thank you for putting into words something I continuously struggle with. A great post that I had to share 🙂
I know what you mean! It’s nice to have things to look forward to, but those good things can make us dissatisfied with the daily stuff. Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing! I appreciate that.
Thanks, Kristie! I totally agree with this and have thought about it often. Such a wonderful reminder. And today, I needed to hear it. Today is the day the decision is being made, and I was hoping to hear what the outcome was. But, as usual, the shop is now closed and no one has called. So my journey is still continuing. And that is what it’s mostly about with God – the journey, not the end. For in the end, we are done with the period of trusting and unknowns, for we know. Thinking of you.
Oh, I was really hoping you’d know something by today. 🙁 We were hoping to have heard back from the Chief of Chaplains by today as well, but it looks like we’ll be waiting into next week with you! I love your patient attitude, although I’m sure today was tough.
Thanks for the encouragement Kirsten. It is great to be reminded that God knows what we need and will supply it..but in His time
I absolutely adore this! <3
Thank you!