I’m going to tell you something your mamma probably never did: Sometimes, God doesn’t rent a billboard to tell you what to do. He doesn’t always do the light-show-and-thundering-trumpets routine to confirm you’re on the right track.
Sometimes, He just expects you to have read His Words and to do them.
The end.
No chubby cherubs dancing in the stars.
No warm fuzzy feelings or great excitement.
No road maps.
No visions.
Just, “Hey, I already told you what to do if you love me. So…just do that.”
Sometimes, God isn’t very complicated. And it irritates me every time because I kinda prefer the thunder over the still, small voice. I have a distrust of easy when it comes to God. If it’s hard and God is loud, I think I’m doing something right.
But what if the decision is painfully easy, like whether or not to drive through a green light, and God just sits there, riding shotgun, like he expects you to, well, drive?
That’s when I start getting a little obsessive about things. What if he wants me to turn instead of go straight? What if I’m driving too fast or miss a stop or I don’t know where I’m going? What if I don’t like this road? What then?!
And he sits there, half asleep, and says, “Kristen, the light is green.” As if that’s all there is to it.
I much prefer it when God says, “Turn left. Turn LEFT! TURN LEFT!!!”
I think if God is shouting, I won’t get lost. I won’t mess it up. But what if some roads always lead to the right place, and it’s only my selfish will that makes me wander around in the first place?
Which brings me to this past March. Life was under control and my personal comfort level was at an all-time high. I was parked, doing what I thought God wanted and feeling quite good about it.
Then God whispered, “The light is green.”
It shocked me because I didn’t know I was sitting at a light, and I certainly wasn’t planning on driving in that particular direction.
I was asked to consider applying to be the president of the Protestant Women of the Chapel. PWOC, as we call it in the Army, is a weekly gathering of like-minded women of faith who come together to worship, pray, learn, and grow. It’s kind of like a weekly church meeting, complete with music and small group Bible studies.
Groups just like ours meet on military installations all over the world, and we are impacting our posts for Christ wherever we are by being an extension of the chapel communities and assisting the chaplains however we can. We are military women serving military women.
It’s a stinkin’ big deal.
So of course I said, “No way.” I did not have time for one more thing (which, in French means, “This scares me to death, and also, I can think of at least twenty-three people who are more qualified”).
But people kept asking, and they all said the same thing, “Just pray about it. And while you’re praying about it, fill out this ten-page application.”
So I did. I hauled myself home and had my own personal Burning Bush experience, minus the burning bush and double the complaining about why God should pick someone else.
- I already have a ministry!
- I am not organized enough to lead a board of sixteen women!
I am barely organized enough to homeschool (See: 3/5 of my children don’t know how to spell their last name). - I don’t have an extra 20 hours a week to do anything, and if I did, I’d clean my kitchen. Or teach spelling.
- I haven’t been a military spouse long enough. The only rank I can identify is my husband’s, so I just walk around calling everyone “Sir” just in case. People are going to figure out I don’t know anything.
- I am an introvert. Introverts should have blogs, not be president of a large group of women who might want to have sleepovers and scrapbooking parties.
- People will be disappointed in me. Truly. I’m just not going to look good if I do this. Which will make you look bad too, God. You should think about that.
When I finally gave God a chance to say, “You’re right. You can’t do this,” he didn’t. He didn’t say much of anything. No writing on the wall, no dreams, just that same still, small voice that seemed to say, “Kristen, the light is green.”
Which, in my mind, meant I needed a second opinion.
My husband, who was not much more help than the burning bush, asked, “What are you going to give up?”
“I can’t give anything up!” I said. “I’m not doing this. I can’t do this. I can barely function with everything I have on my plate right now.” I cried a little for good measure because sometimes he offers to do the dishes if I cry about how busy I am.
We had made up our minds. I only prayed about it anyway because I said I would. The more I prayed about it, the more God kept messing with my comfortable, Christian life. I went to PWOC as usual and was overwhelmed with opportunities to be the hands and feet of Christ to women who desperately needed it.
I began to see that I was parked at a green light.
That green light kept blinking in time to gospel words that said, This is my body, broken for you. This is my blood, shed for you. Do this in remembrance of me…”
And it slowly dawned on me that perhaps remembering Christ’s sacrifice was more than just eating a hunk of crusty bread and slamming Welch’s shots once a month. Maybe Christ expected me to remember his sacrifice by doing likewise. Actually, physically, with my own hands-and-feet-doing the very things he told me to do. Loving. Feeding. Finding. Shepherding. Giving. Sharing. Binding. Healing. Going. Sending. Praying. Rejoicing. Communing.
Green lights, every one of them.
It was so completely obvious, I missed it.
I was looking for the billboard, the blazing lights, the trumpet-tooting cherubs with Mapquest directions to God’s will. “God! Please show me if you want me to serve these women!” I pleaded, and then wondered why he wasn’t talking.
It’s because the light on that road is always green. I didn’t need a billboard. I just needed to drive through.
It’s lovely to have you back, Kristen. 🙂 Welcome back to the blogosphere! I have missed your posts. I’m looking forward to reading more posts about what has happened between March and now. 🙂
So excited for where God is leading you!
I have missed you. I have missed your writing. I have enjoyed reading this because, for one, I always enjoy when you share your heart in such a beautifully written way, and two, because I have had a similar experience in my life. You are not speaking Greek to me when you write PWOC.
My husband is a retired Marine who was assigned to a NATO post in Turkey from 1984-1986. On our way to Turkey, we had spent a few days in both London and Naples for some briefings for him. When we flew out of Italy, he told me to look below at the Alps, the Alps I had always dreamed of seeing for myself ever since I read Heidi, as he said it was likely the closest I would ever get to them. He wasn’t being ugly. He was just stating a fact. And so I looked.
The first year in Turkey found us attending the chapel and my being a part of PWOC. Very early the next spring, I was attending a meeting of a large women’s group, American Women’s Hospitality Group. While I was there, I was approached and asked to run for president of AWHG. I replied no thank you, that I am much more a follower than a leader.
And that was when I heard the Lord speak to me more clearly than He had ever done before. “You and I will lead PWOC together.”
I was still processing that, the whole experience. I had attended PWOC but had never paid much, if any, attention to how it was ‘run.’ I hid in my heart what I knew the Lord had spoken to my heart, but I did not share it with anyone.
A month or so later, we were all opening the mail as a family. We lived in an apartment in the middle of a city of two billion. Mail was picked up a mile from everything we did – shop, work, school. Whoever was the closest to the post office brought the mail in, and we all converged on it looking for news from home.
My daughter mentioned that I had a letter from the chapel. I opened the letter. It was a very official looking letter asking me if I would run for the president of PWOC. My family asked me what it said. I told them. They laughed. They laughed because they all knew it was way beyond my comfort zone. I, however, was not laughing. Still I did not say anything to my family about what God has spoken so clearly to my heart.
I, too, had a lot of reasons why this just could not happen. I spoke the truth when I said no to running for president of AWHG. I am a better follower than a leader. Also, ‘running’ meant competing, something with which I have never been comfortable. And it meant ‘running’ against a friend. But then that friend dropped out, and it was just me. And I knew what God had spoken to my heart, that He and I would lead PWOC together.
Soon I found myself near the top of a mountain in the Alps in Germany where I had been sent for leadership training for PWOC. Each morning I woke up, lost in it beauty and the reminder that God does indeed give us the desires of our hearts – even in ways we least expect.
And yes, it was a year of fun and sweet times in the Lord, including a slumber party, shopping trips to outlying villages, picnics,, monthly gatherings, retreats, and yes, board meetings. I did not do it all perfectly, but I did do it all with the help of the Lord.
I did not have five small children. I only had two teenagers. I did not home school. I did not have all that you have on your full plate. And yet I have no doubt at all that you are doing exactly what He called you to do and doing it exceedingly well, both with PWOC and your family, all with His help and guidance. I am looking forward to hearing more of your newest journey.
That is such an amazing story, and it encourages me greatly! How amazing our God is! I am looking forward to telling you the rest of the story…or the rest of the story as it stands right now because God is not done yet. Thank you for sharing this with me!
And I can’t wait to follow you on this journey and hear the rest of the story, even a little bit a time.
Hi Kristen,
So nice to hear from you again. I will say, when God calls you to do something, He will equip you to do it. I belong to Temecula Valley Women’s Connection, which is an outreach to women worldwide. We’re sponsored by Stonecroft. When we moved to CA, I started going to their luncheons once a month. The 1st time I went, I was invited to come to their planning meeting. I went to it and was asked if I wanted to do the name tags for the luncheons. They typically had about 40 women attending. I said I would. A few months later, I was asked if I’d like to also do the reservations. I said yes. After 4 years of serving, the Chair came in one day and handed me all her stuff and said she couldn’t do it anymore – that I had to take it over. I totally freaked out. I knew nothing about being Chair of a group like that. I asked a couple other ladies if they would Co-chair with me. No takers. Amazing how things like that improve your prayer life. After almost a year of Chair and Reservations, our Hospitality volunteer quit. I also inherited her position. A few months ago, the Programs Coordinator announced she was quitting. I absolutely could not oversee this group single handedly. We’re up to about 50-60 ladies a month. LOTS OF PRAYER TOOK PLACE. Then last month we announced to the group that if we didn’t get some ladies to step up to help, we would have to end our group. Praise the Lord, we had several ladies step up and now I’m only the Chair. We desperately need a Programs Coordinator, but the Lord will bring us one in His timing. From this experience I learned that I truly can do all things through Christ. He showed me abilities I never knew I had. So I know if He’s calling you to minister to a group of ladies, He will enable you for the job. Just do it and don’t look back because He’ll be with you every step of the way.
It’s so good to hear from you.