Look! I will eat anything!
Moms always ask me how I have trained my kids to be such good eaters. As an experienced mother, it is my pleasure to share these eight simple ways to get your toddler to eat anything:
1) Drop the food on the floor and ignore it. If this is your first child, clean the floor first.
Rule: The dirtier the floor, the more excited the toddler will be about eating the food she finds.
Dinnertime!
2) Refuse to share it. Remember these four magical words: “You can’t have any.”
Rule: Toddlers are obligated by the terms of their Toddler Contract to defy any phrases containing the words no, can’t, don’t, and stop. Use this in your favor.
I hate these Cheerios almost as much as I hate you getting more than me.
3) Say to your husband, in front of said child, “Let’s eat this later after the kids are in bed.”
Rule: Jealousy is your friend. Your best friend.
4) Hide it in the corner of the minivan, covered in fuzz and scream, “Oh, no! Don’t eat that! It’s disgusting! Who knows how long it’s been there?!” The more horrified you are, the better he will like it.
Rule: Freaking out Mom is worth any amount of personal sacrifice.
5) Serve it to him naked. The toddler, not you (that would be weird).
Rule: Toddlers are always happy to support organic options.
6) Put it on a stick.
Rule: Everything tastes better on a stick. Especially if it’s a dirty stick (See Rule #1).
7) Put the stick in an open fire.
Rule: Everything tastes better when cooked with fire, especially if the fire is started by the toddler while Mom is on the phone and she freaks out when she discovers her baby playing in the flames and has to call the fire department and can’t stop crying when she tells Daddy about it when he gets home from work (See Rule #4).
8) If that doesn’t work, put it in the dog’s bowl and leave the room. If this is your first child, clean the bowl first.
Rule: Everything tastes better when shared with a friend.
Let's have lunch!
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This post was EXACTLY what I needed to read today! Thank you!
You’re welcome!
Everything is so true. My son is a no eater (not even a picky eater). He take four bites of food from his tray and throws the remaining on the floor. Then he will go look for something on the floor and eat that. He will squeeze the muffin and eat whatever is sticking on his shirt/pant. Oh and the car seat too… I have such a tough time to make him even have a look at food. I have tried #2 and #3, it did not workout for me 🙂 I will try out the other options. Thanks for sharing.
Oh. My. Goodness. This is so great and you are a genius!! Love it!
Ah! You found my Helpful Hints post (don’t try any of them). 🙂
#1,2,&8have always worked for me.
once when i was a baby sitter the parents warned me that their kids were picky eaters and wouldn’t eat for a sitter and to make them. so when it came time to eat i asked what they wanted and they threw a fit and didn’t want to eat. so i made “myself” dinner and sat down by myself and began to take a few bites. when they said they wanted some i said, “nope, you said you didn’t want any and i don’t feel like wasting my time making something you won’t eat, so this is all mine.” finally after they begged me to share I gave them some of “my” food! works every time 🙂 parents were so impressed they only had me babysit from then on and no one else. i use this trick all the time with my own kids now and they have no idea.
Love this! 🙂
OH MY!!!! This is too funny! My kids weren’t picky, but now my Grandbabies are a different matter…
Hysterical. Will have to try some of these. Floor trick at the very least. Have the world’s pickiest (and fickle) eater. Thanks!
Let me know how it works out for you! 😉
Are you being sarcastic?
Absolutely! Sarcastic and realistic all at the same time. I wrote this because this is how toddlers really DO eat. They really DO eat everything they find on the floor–food or not–and anything they can get out of the dog dish. Yet, they won’t eat anything on the table. 🙂 If it drops on the floor, however…
You are awesome. Just thought you should know 🙂
This is so funny….I’m still laughing. “If this is your first child, clean it first….” What a great post, can I link to this on my blog?
Thank you, and yes, link away! I appreciate it!
Omg, that is hilarious. #5 is SO true. I wrote a blog post called “You Might Have a Toddler”, and one of the items was “If you have rules like ‘Must Wear Underwear at the Dinner Table,’ you might have a toddler.”
http://threeblindwives.com/2012/02/20/you-might-have-a-toddler/
I love #8, too! “If this is your first child, clean the bowl first.” You nailed it.
~Daniél
I LOVE this post for 2 reasons…1, it makes me feel better about the fact that my toddler won’t eat ANYTHING! 2, the ‘if it’s your first child, clean the floor/bowl first’….mwahhaha!! Love it : )
Áine at andmybaby.ie
ummm.I’m 18 and I still enjoy your posts :)) My future children will have a well-trained mom ! :))
Wonderful! Welcome to the site. My goal is to write stories that people of all ages can appreciate, relate to, and enjoy. So I’m glad you’re here. 🙂
What about the 5 second rule?
Germs: lets get that food, it just fell on the floor.
King Germ: No, we must count to five first.
Hahaha! That made me laugh.
hahahha… awesome. My kids are a little older though. how do I get them to STOP eating???
Hahahahaha!!! I totally thought this was going to be another baby training lesson so I rolled my eyes when my friend sent me the link. Needless to say you totally made my day I laughed so hard!!
Excellent! I’m so glad it wasn’t what you expected.
Thanks so much for this!
I’m still smiling–giggling and laughing out loud, too–because I’ve been reading these aloud to my grandchildren. They’re 7 and 8 and thought they knew everything about feeding themselves and others. Now they’re absolutely sure they know everything!
Thank you, Marylin. It’s a pleasure to have you here! Your site is beautiful, although I couldn’t get through much of it without tearing up. It is a tribute to your mother and to you. Thanks for stopping in. I am honored!
As the mother of a very picky eating 2 year old I greatly enjoyed reading this! Great blog post!
I hope it made you laugh!
Yes, very musch so!
Leave food in stroller basket. Works like a charm.
Take away the toy that is food. The need to play with food overpowers the need to annoy mom. And asks for plate back. Still sneaks in playing with food but *some* of it goes in. Mom of almost 23 month old.
Oh yeah, picking things off the floor? Inspired. And as another mom says, if I didn’t see it/choose to not see it, it didn’t happen, right? ;-).
Excellent tips! It’s funny, I wrote this post in about two minutes, off the top of my head, because I hadn’t posted anything new in a couple days. I had no idea it would go viral like this, or I might have put a little more thought into it!
Reblogged this on aiida21.
Thanks for reblogging this!
I love your “If this is your first child, clean the ________ first” comments. Oh, sooooo so true. Now we’re well into the ‘brush it off, it’ll be fine!’ stage. And I said that I would *never* be one of ‘those’ moms!! :O Hey, as long as the kids are getting food into their mouths, I’m happy! 😉
I know, I hate to admit it but I’m the same way! That’s probably why people’s personalities are so impacted by their birth order!
nice tips ^_^
I see you already figured out from Donna who we are. I was the Fun Night guy, yes. Brown Gold, Hotel Brough Manila, etc. What a claim to fame, ha. I remember your dad with a smile, too, how he had to fold himself into those little planes! Congratulations, also, on the joyful craziness of having 5 in tow.
Ah ha! What fun times! I remember sitting in the audience at one of the conferences and watching my mom CRY, she was laughing so hard. I know we have some hilarious photos of some of your acts…I’ll have to dig those up. 🙂
Thanks for that. If you find good pics, please let us know! it’s been fun to connect with lots of MKs on FB, blogs, etc., including your old fellow Mindanao dweller Robert Ostman.
It has been fun for me as well. I have been following the Ostman’s journey back for their translation checks. I got to go into their tribe when I was there with Mom and Ron. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The people still remembered my dad. There was something redemptive about standing on the airstrip, being introduced as the tall pilot’s daughter, and seeing their eyes light up with recognition. His was a brief work, comparatively, but it wasn’t for nothing. I look at you guys who’ve been at it for 30 years, and I know he’s cheering you on. What a beautiful thing it is to be a part of such a body.
Great post, Kristen… congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Yep, we’re still on Palawan.. almost done with our translation at last =)
It’s so fun to catch up with you! It took me a bit to place you both, but once Donna mentioned that you were the one who did the Fun Night, well, it all came back! Such great memories. Congratulations on wrapping up translation! What a beautiful work. Thank you both for being so faithful.
Love this post!!! I firmly believe that exposure to germs in early life leads to a much stronger immune system; which is why we clean our floors about once a week! 😉
I will definitely apply your rules from now on. It’s all about the trickery!
Here, here!
Reblogged this on thenotwriter.
Thanks for reblogging!
Haha the one way I could guarantee my kids would eat something was to put it on my own plate. It was a given that half the food on my plate would disappear before I could even pick up my fork.
I know, right? One of my kids, who hates salad, will eat an entire adult-sized salad if I just put it on my own plate and walk away. He will follow me around with his mouth open like a little bird. I think I should find a giant plate and all my kids can just share my food.
I honestly think my kids would have eaten dog poop if I put it on my plate and they thought I wanted it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh and did I say thank you?
You are most welcome!
This is TOO funny! Although I don’t have children yet, tons of my friends do whom I am sharing this link with. They will LOVE it!
Thanks for sharing the link!
A friend just shared your post on Facebook, and I must admit, I clicked on the link expecting to read a post from a ‘perfect parent’ telling me how I was doing everything wrong. I am so glad I clicked! Your post is brilliant and very funny. My youngest boy has just started refusing to eat anything other than cheese or chocolate so I will definitely be trying some of these tips. I’m off to share with my friends now 🙂
I’m glad you clicked! The thing about parenting is you’re never quite sure when you’re normal and when you’re not, and you hate to even ask the other moms if their kid digs in the carpet to find snacks or eats out of the dog’s bowl because you don’t want to get that horrified look that tells you you’re the only one! So welcome. You’re not alone. 🙂
Great advice, Kristen. The last one, “If that doesn’t work, put it in the dog’s bowl and leave the room….” made me smile. Our youngest of 5 recently found where the dog treats are kept and has started munching on them. We need to discourage him to NOT eat like a dog! 🙂
We had the hardest time breaking one of our kids out of her cat food habit. She would sneak it, and I’d find crumbs on her face. Please stop eating the cat food!!!
Will remember this for when I have grandkids one day – so glad I don’t have to worry about getting kids to eat anymore!!
Enjoyed this 😉
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.
I have a five-year old who isn’t the best eater. My trick is somehow make things look like a taco, and then call it a taco. I clicked over here hoping to get some ideas from a “super-duper-know-it-all-better-mom-than-me” but what I got was way better! Thanks for the laugh– I guess I can calm down knowing that all kids are like mine!
Sara
I love that! Who doesn’t love tacos?! And, if you want a mom who tells you how it should be, you’ve come to the wrong place. But, if you want a mom who tells you how it IS and makes you feel like you might not be the only mom on the planet who’s kid eats samples off the floor at Costco, well, you’ve come to the right place. 🙂
It’s scary how many of these I’ve tried through the years. Not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. Desperate times, friends. Congrats, great post!
Tongue in cheek? I love it. It’s all so right ON!
Part sarcasm, part reality, part confession. 🙂
This was an incredibly cute post and as I sometimes have challenges with my 16 month old, I see how so many of these ideas would actually work!! Not sharing, genius! Telling her not to eat it, brilliant! Thanks for the ideas that I will honestly put into practice starting at lunch 🙂
Haha! Come back and let us know how it works!
this is so amazing!!!!!
definitely trying this with the two kiddos sleeping beside me.
you are an amazing writer. one blog is enough to keep me coming for more!
Well, that is such a sweet thing to say! Thanks for reading!
i read your blog: 100 Things About Me, Items 11-20.
i’m from the Philippines, in Cebu particularly.
great to know you lived here in Pinas before.
I wondered if you were from the Philippines, just looking at your picture! Yours is a beautiful country, and always in my heart. I’d love to live there again!
ha that was freaking hillarious! I needed that laugh. This is all so true too, based on what I’ve seen with my best friend’s kids.
It’s nice to make people smile. Thanks!
Thanks for the tips and the smiles 🙂
Your blog name is hilarious!
Erm, thanks.
As a father of three, I concur. My middle son (now 12) especially loves to hear Mom recount how she found a partly-chewed spider in his mouth when he was just beginning to crawl.
Oh my goodness! My sister-in-law, who has twin boys, tells of the time she found them cleaning out the cat box…and eating it. Fortunately, mine have been content to clean out the cat’s bowl. ICK!
Thanks for the laughs 🙂 Your list works for teenagers as well (except for the naked part – you really don’t want to see that!)
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
I think the naked part should have an age limit. 😉
Yes, indeed 🙂
Just saw your post on the Freshly Pressed page. I have an almost-three-year-old which prompted me to click. Thanks for sharing, and your rules are so true. God bless you and your “five in tow.”
Thank you, and likewise!
This is a super cute post! My 3 year daughter gives me such a hard time about eating…picky diva =)
Picky diva…that’s cute!
So glad I stumbled across your blog! I have seven kids myself, and I cracked up at your “if this is your first baby” tips, I definitely know exactly how we go from boiling pacifiers to just spitting on it enough to get the mound of dirt off…
Awesome list of suggestions!
I’m sure it would work on many kids. But according to my parents, some of these would not have worked for me when I was a toddler.
First, I hated anything dirty. In pre-K, I would never get my apron dirty while painting. So eating anything “covered in fuzz” was out of the question.
Second, telling me I can’t have any would result in me not eating anything for the rest of the day. I was extremely tough with food, and I could stay foodless for hours. I still can to this day. More than once, I lived on water for over 28 hours, and sometimes several days at a time.
But still, great suggestions! I’ll keep it in mind when I have kids of my own 🙂
Hmm…you were a tricky one! You prove the rule I didn’t write: There are no rules!
Laughed so hard I almost lost my coffee! I was ready for a really good post on actually making your kids good eaters, but this was far, far better! Sounds like you have a very healthy outlook on raising your little crew 🙂 Blessings!
This is brilliant, I am going to save this to favourites, my daughter has just turned one and is already showing signs of only wanting to do what SHE wants! Loving the mind games. Great post!
It’s ALL mind games!
I’ve tried all to no avail. They’re still picky eaters.
My kids just aren’t fooled by this trickery :’-(
More food for you! Just kidding. Kinda.
There are definitely foods that we’re OK with not sharing.
All true.Totally.
Very funny!
This was very funny! As a father of a ten-month old boy whose first and only word is “Eat” and whose first and only sign is “more”, I have no problem getting my boy to eat ANYthing! 🙂
Awesome!
Kids…so adorable!
http://mind4intellect.wordpress.com
This is awesome! My toddler’s current favorite snack is the cheerios and goldfish that he dropped on the floor of the car last month. As I try to put him in his carseat, he does this amazing, acrobatic, head-first dive to the floor and then scoops them up and stuffs them in his mouth before I can stop him.
Always love a humorous mommy post! Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you! You just brightened up my day. You definitely have the key to my toddler’s mind! Excellent!
Ha ha ha, Hilarious ! Brilliant post! ROFL.
That’s really funny. I like your ideas. A couple of then may actually work. My 11-month-old is having a hard time trying new foods, unless it comes in a baby food jar, then he is OK with it.
Alas, those tricks did not work on my toddlers. They seem to abhor food. Tough for a gourmet to have kids whose idea of exotic cuisine is pasta with Smart Balance instead of butter.
I’d love you to read my “Husband Perceived Time” post and see if you agree! LOL!
http://taralazar.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/husband-perceived-time-vs-actual-time/
Lol. I do not have kids but I am surely gonna tell this to my sister 😀
Treat!!
Hilarious but so true.
I need to print it out and give it to my aunt. I dont have any kids but when I do I sure am following these tricks! following you now 😉
Welcome!
Interesting! 🙂
I’m glad I found this post, will share it with my wife. Hope it works with our child.:-)
hilarious. i was expecting some well thought out points when i read the title of the post but as i read i couldn’t stop laughing, more because its absolutely true…:D
It’s so refreshing to hear a sane approach to motherhood. In this day in age we have far too many over-protective parents who wouldn’t let their children eat anything unless the food and the child had been sterilised first. A good mouthful of dirt never hurt anybody. Kids should just enjoy being kids while they can.
Hahaha! I’ll have to remember these for my distant-to-come children :p Congrats on a well-deserved Freshly Pressed! 😀
Thanks, Samantha!
Just saw your post on Pinterest… And cried, I laughed so hard!! As a mama of three (the first two eat NOTHING, but luckily the third will – and does – steal food right out of the dogs’ mouths), I confess that my sides now hurt, I’ve been laughing so hard at your post… 🙂
You must have very patient dogs!!! The thing I like best about this blogging community is that we all know we’re not alone, our children are not the only children who like animal food more than people food, and no one has a clean floor. I’m feeling much better about my parenting now!
Telling my son he can’t have something always works! If he sees us sneaking it…it must be good.
I know! It works every time with my kids, too!
Terrific post, Kristen! Cheering you on for being Freshly Pressed from over here on Palawan. We will be sure and pass these great tips on to our daughter. She only has two in tow, but they are 1 and 2, barely a year apart, definitely both toddlers.
Oh, lucky you! I would love to be in the Philippines right now! You may have read that I’m a Mindanao girl. Blessings to you and to your daughter!
We’ve met, but it’s been a few years ago – at Conference, I think. We probably know your step-dad best. Lovely family you have!
Really? I was probably 19 then. Your name sounded familiar, and I thought I recognized your face, but I wasn’t sure. I was going to ask my mom, who remembers everyone ever of all time. Nice to “meet” you again, Donna! Don’t be surprised if I show up on your front door sometime. 🙂
Bill and Donna. And my husband used to do funny songs at Fun Night, back in the day. We’d love for you to show up here. Lots of great places and things to see and do!
We’re Bill and Donna Davis. Bill used to do funny songs at Fun Night back in the day. And We’d be happy to have you show up at the door. Lots of great things to do and places to see here!
Oh my goodness! I think we have some pictures of him from back in the day, singing at conference. Did he do the song about being on the cover of Brown Gold? I still remember that.
I’m trying to remember if he did that one, too. I remember the Grossmans and Crains doing it waaaay back when. Then again later, with others mixed in. Bill was infamous for Hotel Brough Manila, and Wierd Al and Ray Stevens songs – Lasagna, Fat, Gourmet Restaurants Ain’t For Me. And did a rewrite of Memories – “Memories, all alone in the jungle, all my kids have malaria, and my wife’s lost her mind . . . got to go to Word Of Life!”
awesome! I’m gonna start following your rules!
congrats on being pressed!
Thank you! May all your meal times be merry!
is it seriously 3:45 AM where you are??
No, I’m not sure how I got that time stamp. I can’t seem to fix it, no matter how hard I try. I’m inept, clearly. Someone help me!!!
My niece seems to eat almost anything.
Your post was hilarious!!! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! My son, daughter, and our dog just shared a cookie. Delish!
And I bet it tasted better than ever. 🙂
This is so funny and a great way to put others in a better mood. I think it is good to encourage laughs. Thanks
I think so too! It’s always better to laugh, and it’s even better if you can make others do it too.
Totally True!!
Love this!! So cute! As a former nanny and mommy to rotten almost 2 year old this certainly hits the spot at our house. Her favorite word is no and I’ve definitely resorted to bribing (unfortunately) when it comes to food. But another to add to the list is food in ziploc bags, for some reason it tastes much better to her it seems especially if its a gallon size bag!! Toddlers are so much fun, wouldn’t trade it for the world even though I may not have hair left by the time she’s 3.
Oh my goodness! You have me in stitches!! I also find that just clearing up the dishes without saying anything results in wails of, “I’ll eat it! I’ll eat it!”
That’s awesome!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! With two little ones at home, I know each of those tips to work. Combining for dinner – brilliant!
So funny, and so true!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
Thank you! It’s an honor!
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! I’m glad I found you here. This post spoke to me and I’m still cracking up. 🙂
Thank you! I’m pretty excited about having so many wonderful visitors. I’m glad you laughed and hope you stay!
HAHAHA…this is all true! Fantastic. I will add one more to your list…it’s all about marketing so a container (bowl, cup, plate, box…whatever) with their favorite cartoon character will get them to eat some things (I use a bowl shaped like mickey’s head to introduce questionable food to my toddler) oh and stickers of said characters on packages of healthy stuff: Me “Wow these are Thomas the Train carrots!” (toddler squeals in delight) Me: “Oh man, Thomas carrots….do you want to try them” and carrots are eaten 😀
Mom’s are the BEST marketers. Every company should hire moms to promote their products. We could rock it!
absolutely! Toddlers are the hardest customers too! I don’t know about yours but my kiddo’s opinion changes from moment to moment
Brilliant idea!! For some reason we have gone from “love everything mommy cooks” to “never never like that” over night. Pooh and Thomas stickers are going everywhere! 🙂
Hope it works (I can’t take 100% credit it was my boyfriends idea…he works in marketing LOL)! My son also likes to put the stickers on his shirt when he’s done eating as his “prize” … I’ve also packed little lunches with a little toy (even one that’s already his) when we’re going places. It gives him healthy food while still getting the thrill (or whatever) from happy meals
Loved it! Hilarious! And, I don’t even have kids… must remember these tips…
That’s too funny. Are those your kids or just random kid pictures because they are freakin’ adorable.
The first one is of one of my “adopted” kids. I was his nanny when my first was born. The others are all mine! They’re cuter in person, but also louder, so it’s kind of a trade-off.
Now I know how to make my toddler nephew eat everything! Can’t wait to share this to dear sis-in-law. Thanks!
Thanks for stopping in!
Congrats on your FP status. Your every word was so true!! Thanks for the memories.
Oh my goodness, HILARIOUS! We have a 13 month old (our first) and yes she will drop it on the floor in disgust and then eat it later when she finds it again…I’m going to remember these rules! I always thought dinnertime should be more relaxed- surely they won’t starve, and everything will be alright in the end!
For years we poured chocolate, ketchup or spaghetti sauce on more nutritional food items that should never have had chocolate, ketchup or spaghetti sauce any where near them.
That is so true! I knew a kid who wouldn’t eat anything unless it was covered in ranch dressing. Ick!
Too funny! Very insightful, and sadly, seemingly all true! It’s like you live in my home…..
LOL! Hilarious! What a fun way to get toddlers to eat, yum yum.
Hahaha, I love it! Jealousy works really well for us. If he doesn’t eat it, I bet Joshua, our 3 month old would really enjoy it! His reply is always, MINE!
Oh, god, my kids are old enough now and eat everything but there is so much truth in all of what you say! Even when they are teens–child gaining weight? “You are not allowed to switch to skim milk until you’re 12” (rule2). Child not eating well at university? “I just took vegetables to your brother at his dorm” (rule 3). And just remember–find a bottle of liquor in their closet? DON’T freak out, whatever you do: rule 4. Want them to read Shakespeare and love it? “Oh, honey, that story is NOT appropriate for you–you can’t read that until you’re 18”.
Hey, should I be using this on my husband?
Okay, I now need to refer all parents of teens to this comment!
haha.. so true! I don’t have kids, but without fail, telling my 13yr old brother that he can’t watch a movie or read a book because he’s ‘too young’ does seem to send him into a crazed state where doing the forbidden thing is the only way to prove maturity. Ah, kids.
Some things never change!
So, dealing with siblings is another use for all these tips!
I think we could use these tips in just about any relationship! My husband is particularly fond of sticks and fire, for instance.
This is AWESOME! I loved reading it as I tried to feed my toddler beans, carrots, and cottage cheese (all which he ignored in favor for the weeks old crumb of who knows what on the floor). Thanks for making me laugh!!
Toddler truism: Nasty old crumbs taste better than green beans any day!
Love this! The jealousy works well with a sibling to sibling strategy as well: “this is for your sister, some day you’ll be old enough.” Thanks for the laugh today, and congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
Thanks so much!
Haha, this is hilarious! Food on the floor or on a stick over a fire- I’ll have to remember these tricks…
They will serve you well!
Love it! Thanks for the laugh!
1) and 8) are so true. My 1 year old basically eats on the floor and I’ve been struggling with her to stop her getting into the dog food.
I love the “if this is your first child, clean the floor first”! haha
I finally had to feed the cat in the garage because my four-year-old kept getting in to it. I couldn’t believe that she liked it!
Thank you, I needed that.
My pleasure!
ROFL
Going to share this with new parent friends of mine! Thanks for sharing!
Thank YOU for sharing!
CUTE!!!!! It is so true! Especially No. 1! LOL
Extremely entertaining, and whilst I don’t have a toddler yet, something tells me your article is accurate. 🙂
Yes, yes it is. *sob*
These rules sound great and very practical. I will have to keep them in mind for when I have kids!
You will have the edge over those little ones! Thanks for stopping by.
I tell new moms the stick rule all the time. They will anything on a frilly toothpick. Dog bowl, genius. If you have time stop by and read a post I have entitled, “UPS is making grilled cheeses now?” By our third I have adopted all of your parenting tips. We are geniuses. 😉
Yes! And we must stick together (cause those little ones are getting smarter every day).
Mostly also working on teenagers…
That’s uncharted territory for me!
Wait – and you shall see!
I applaud your bold new direction in parenting! Awesome!
This is so funny! My baby just turned 7 months yesterday so I have a while before he starts getting fussy when eating, but I’ll keep this in mind for when that time comes!
On a side note, great blog! I want a bunch of kids too, so I’ll have to keep checking back for more tips! 🙂
Congrats on your little one! Enjoy every moment.
Thank you! 🙂 I’m definitely enjoying it! Today I was looking at pictures from his actual ‘birth’-day and I can’t believe how much he’s grown! He’s a giant now! lol
Mine stopped eating at 9 months – watch out it could be sooner than you think! – This blog is exactly what I should have done if only it had been written earlier – now they are in their teens and i’ve had 12 years of picky eaters! Enjoy watching yours eat of the floor!!!!! Good luck!
haha oh no!! I didn’t realize it could be so soon!!
ROTFL! But I would add rule #9 – Decorate the small child’s face and/or body with food. Many toddlers I’ve seen prefer to wear their food, and this technique could also be a potential method for encouraging them to eat. In some toddler circles, wearing one’s food is also considered a fashion statement. 😉
Love it! Edible body art takes on a whole new meaning with toddlers in the house!
Just discovered your precious blog today. I will be back. Bless you and thanks for letting us share in the joy that seems to be your life. I wrote about what a blessing children are today– a sacred echo? I will look forward to coming back again to read more.
Thank you! They are a joy, and I am awed when I think about how richly God has blessed me. I do not deserve all that I have been given, but I am grateful!
You are obviously a wise and seasoned parent. Can’t wait for your post on raising teenagers in 10 easy steps. 🙂
#1 Tie them up…#2….
This post is brilliant!!! I love, love, love numbers one through three – they are going to be put to good use tomorrow (the little guy is sleeping now). The one that I really can’t wait to use is number two just because I really want to see his expression 🙂 Thank you for sharing!!
He won’t know what hit him!
Haha! I love it!! SO true! You may enjoy my “Exchange Rate” post! 🙂 http://sarahsjoys.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/exchange-rate/
Ah, yes, the Productivity Vortex, in which any possible productivity is sucked down in to the endless black hole of chaos that happens whenever you leave the room! I think you must have visited my house at some point before writing that post.
Very funny insight, but oh so true. 🙂 Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for visiting!
Hilarious! I don’t yet have kids of my own, but I laughed so hard all the way from the beginning to the end. LOL! I couldn’t help myself. This was so funny, and I am sure parents will agree that some of these are quite true.
Thanks for reading, Sharon! Now you know what you have to look forward to. 🙂
I don’t yet have kids of my own, but I laughed so hard all the way from the beginning to the end. LOL! I couldn’t help myself. This was so funny, and I am sure parents will agree that it’s also true.
So true about cleaning the floor when it’s your first. Now I just pretend like I don’t notice that they’re eating off the floor. If I don’t acknowledge it, it didn’t really happen, right?
Exactly!
Brilliant! My daughter used to be a fantastic eater – anything and everything and lots of it. But at 18 months she started to get picky, and has become increasingly so. I’m convinced this is some kind of power-play, however, and not an aversion to food because if she finds food in any of the states you mentioned in your post, it goes down the hatch. I haven’t reached the stage of planting fuzz-covered broccoli in the mini-van . . . yet!
With my first, I thought, “I’ll never let them eat anything off the floor!” Now I have five, and I once caught one of my twins taking dirty dishes out of the dishwasher, licking them, and putting them back. I knew things had changed when my first thought was, “Huh, at least he put them back!”
OMG!! So true!! I just found your blog. I will be following now. 🙂 It’s so hard to find good parenting blogs!
http://www.hecticharmony.net
Thank you! I’ll certainly check out your blog. It’s nice to be in good company.
OMG! All so true!! Just found your blog. I will be following now 🙂 It’s hard to find good parenting blogs!
Hop on over to mine if you get time 🙂
http://www.hecticharmony.net
Thanks for a hilarious…and timely post. We’ll be using some of these techniques tonight…
Hehe–best of luck. 🙂
I’m 46, and I just sent this link to my mom. Somehow, I think she can still relate … 🙂
Watch out–she might just tell you how many times she fed you off the floor!
This is hysterically true! These rules seem to be applied more often and with more vigor since my toddler turned two.Oh the joys!The filthy, disgusting, adventure filled joys…
hahahah this was really funny! And in some way… So true!
I think we’ve all either had a kid who did one of those things, or watched a kid do one of those things! I’m just glad I don’t really remember doing any of them myself! Although, there was that one time…
I have to say, I agree with you! So happy I don’t remember that part about my childhood. I work in a kindergarten, so I see a lot of different things! And kids can be so nasty sometimes, haha, thats why I love the fact that I don’t remember myself doing all that! Like eating some bread you find in sandbox, that probably has been there for days.
Hilarious and so true. Sadly, I have only one toddler and I stopped cleaning the floor long ago!
Clean floors are overrated!
For the first you do what you should (clean the floor), for the rest, you do what you can….
The only down side of this floor-food approach is that it raises all kinds of eyebrows when in shops and restaurants…..I know!
HAHAHAHA! Wait–you take your children OUT to eat? You are a superhero.
Well, that’s generally the plan, but normally we have to leave before the food arrives….:)
Gives new meaning to the phrase, “Fast Food.”
LOL, too funny. Thanks for the laugh. We are right in the middle of this “fun” stage.
Then you need all the laughs you can get!
I am still chuckling now, great post, which I have printed of and will use as my rules for getting the kids to eat their food… 🙂
Thank you! *rushes to add a legal disclaimer about the effectiveness of any of the tips made in the above post*
Funny, funny, funny and sooooooooooooo true!!!
We’ve all been there, right?
OK, so I should have read this 15 years ago. I have got the pickiest eaters in the world. Please could you write this for 15, 13 , 10 and 8 year olds – SO in need of help!
That would be REALLY funny sequel. Hmmm…now you have my mind turning–thanks a lot!
This is hilarious!! Thanks for sharing. XD
Thanks for reading!
Fabulous! I especially love your “If this is your first child, clean it first” admonition — or should I say, bow to reality. Your kids must be a hoot!
Thank you! They keep me laughing all the time. Things are always a little crazy at our house. 😉
Reblogged this on Actuaria's Blog and commented:
Very, very funny indeed. And extremely true 🙂
Thanks so much for reblogging! I appreciate that. I am looking forward to checking out your blog too!
GREAT list! I always remember the time my son — age 6 — invented a rule for his baby sister: If the food is dropped on the ground, there’s the five-second rule; however, if that food happens to be sticky, the time limit reverts to three seconds. I died laughing at his insight…
🙂
That’s pretty smart! I’m often amazed how how perceptive kids can be.
And if the food is chocolate, the time limit extends to a half an hour. 🙂
This is so funny, but rings of truth! I enjoyed your “suggestions” very much. Will be checking back regularly and hoping for more!
I appreciate that! I look forward to checking out your blog as well.
I like the jealously idea! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by!
lol. so funny and so true!
Thank you!
uh, that’s awesome. I’ll have to try a couple of these out. Though I have found that just repeatedly giving her something usually works… eventually… maybe… I hope…
Haha!
For my kid, I used to place the (fruit) plate just next to where she was playing or (later) reading. She reached her hand for it automatically.. as we know they also “like” very much to toil for their dinner..
& this post is charming..
That’s a great idea!
😉
Enjoy..
LOL…I love this post! Eating dirty food…isn’t that how we all built up our immune systems back in the day? ^_~. Can’t wait to have kids and write posts like this! Congrats on being FP!
Yes, my kids are very healthy. 😉
LOL
this is so funny. serve it to him naked, haha!
The Kitchen floor is a free, more economical way to dehydrate your food! Dried peaches, bananas, avocados, and more!…
Loved this! I’ve got Two in tow and have learned to not care how clean anything is anymore! Funny the things you let go on as kids grow!
My husband actually asked, “Why clean the floor if it’s your first child?” And I said, “Because after your first, you don’t care anymore!”
Lol…hilarious…”after your first child you don’t care anymore”…I wish my wife was more understanding…
So funny…and so true! I especially relate to the “if it’s your first child, clean it first” idea. Ha! I also love your photos.
Congrats on being Fresh Pressed. Well deserved. You should be getting lots of fun comments and fabulous stats out of this one. 🙂 – MoSop
Thank you! It is a big surprise and a great honor.
Love how you wrote- if it’s your first child clean the floor/dog bowl first. So true that we don’t worry so much about that with child #2 and beyond.
I use #2 and 3 on a regular basis – they really work ! You have a great blog here, congrats on being Pressed…
Haha. These are hilarious. Number one is the best! Congrats on Freshly Pressed.
This is so funny and so true. I love the pictures you’ve used to illustrate your points. I posted a link on my facebook, and I know it was shared by at least one of my friends. It received some nice comments and likes. I also pinned it on Pinterest. I hope both bring more people to your blog to discover you and your beautiful (and funny) articles. Thanks so much.
Thank you, my dear! You are such an encourager. Thank you for your words, which are always like big hugs. 🙂
This is fabulous. I love it, and we don’t even have a toddler!
How are you doing, Mr. V? Hope things are looking up.
Ok, I was just introduced to your blog and find you positively hilarious and down to earth and encouraging. I’m a mother of one 7 month old, but love readin your family stories. I’m sure we’ll get there. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your heart and life!
Thanks for reading and being so encouraging!
HILARIOUS!!! And oh so true 🙂
I just read this to my husband. By far the funniest thing we will hear all day!! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂
bwahahaha…that was great! 🙂
sometimes if my 3 year old doesn’t eat all his food I’ll tell him to go feed it to the dog. Inevitably he will give about 25% to the dog and eat the rest himself while he’s “feeding” the dog!
seriously hilarious. the stick part is so true. as is the no, you can’t have any. you are hilarious and soulful. great combo!
Ha! ha! This is soooo true!! I’ve learned to just leave pieces of food dropped on the floor because they will 1) be eaten later; or 2) they are easier to vacuum when they are dried up. Thanks for the post!
Ha! That’s so great.
I laughed out loud. I have a grandson who is a toddler right now. This could all apply to him. What a great sense of humor you have dear! More power to ya!
Ha!
Too funny!!! And very true! Your older brother was determined when he was little to help the dog clean out her bowl!
Yup! #6 toothpicks are great friends. #1-couldn’t be truer. When Pete was tootling around, we lived in an apartment off of a major highway. Our porch was always covered in who knows what. Can’t tell you how many times I would find him picking up food that had been there for a while and putting in his mouth. Now I get the joy of seeing Tim do the same thing!
Thank you for the laugh! We just figured out #6. Pete will eat a lot of the samples at Sam’s-why because they are on a tooth pick. Clean floor? Where? 🙂
hahahahahahahahahaha!
Jack said, “Wow!”
Love this!!!! Rule #1 and #8 especially ring true, but replace “dog” with “cat.”
Can’t believe how true this all is! Definitely some good advice. Even though toddlers can get on your nerves, I guess there are ways to use that to your advantage!
Lol with rule # 1…but I dont need to throw his food on the floor…he does it for me…I just leave it there and ignore it…I actually wait until he leaves his left overs then I clean up his/ the mess…sometimes we have to give up and do things on their terms…lol