Sun, the shameless self-promoter
If I were an ancient pagan, I’d worship the sun. In my opinion, none of the other ancient deities comes close to being worthy of the same amount of reverence.
Who would worship the moon? It’s not even made out of cheese. Cheese could change the equation, but it’s just a lie promoted by mothers who want their children to become astronauts.
Earth? In the lineup of ancient deities, earth is the redneck cousin from Alabama. Don’t hate me. Religion is a polarizing topic but we can still love.
Wind? Wind never really stood a chance because of all the jokes made about it in the pagan deity locker room. It’s hard to feel reverent toward a deity that reminds prepubescent boys of gastrointestinal malfunctions.
Fire? Before the invention of the S’more, fire was not even a contender. So it burns things. Big deal. Lightening does that. Insensitive boyfriends do that. Sun does that.
Fertility? Eh. Seriously, what have you done for me lately?
Help me! My feet are so tiny!
No, Sun is where it’s at for me. Here in the Pacific Northwest, the sun is distant, aloof, and fickle, just like any good pagan deity should be. You can’t depend on it for anything, and if you try to predict it, you’ll just end up sounding like the Channel 5 weatherman who puts little clouds over every sun in his forecast, just in case, and then tries to makes it sound like “high cloud cover” and “sunshine” are synonymous.
They’re not.
Vicious little clouds…I’m on to you
Nothing can compare to the sun. When it makes an appearance, the whole world comes out and stands on the sidewalk with arms raised to shield humble eyes from the glory. With one voice, worshipers chant words of adoration and awe.
“Wow, it’s so bright!”
“It’s making my eyes hurt.”
“Where are my sunglasses?”
“They’re in your other fleece.”
“Oh. If this keeps up, I might have to mow.”
“Did you know we have a view of the mountains?”
Mommy, that ball in the sky hurts my eyes!
We put on special worship attire like tank tops and shorts and try not to stare at each other’s white legs and remind our husbands that they should take off their socks before putting on their Birkenstocks. We bask in the knowledge that it could be a good hair day.
The I-5 corridor clogs up as the faithful pilgrimage into the glowing orb bearing sacrificial lattes and liquid Vitamin D. They squint and drive slower and put down their visors because they know that mere minions can never look directly into the face of a god. Traffic reporters, who are sun worshiping apostates, try to contain their disdain.
But those of us who are believers send our children out to play and wash the flannel sheets and consider planting roses where the moss is growing in the back. We stop envying our friends in California. If the sun stays out long enough, we also stop hating the other 45 states that get more rays than we. That’s the transformative power of the sun, and that’s why it’s the ancient pagan deity for me.
I’m assuming, of course, that the ancient pagans didn’t worship coffee.
Ancient pagans, you missed the boat on this one
*I am not promoting pagan worship, even if it includes coffee, but I am completely enamored with the Son.
Love this post! We are in Stanwood, and ‘get’ the sun worship thing. Where are you? I feel like you are writing to me from down the road. Thanks so much! P.S. I also liked your ‘mom’ post…
Thank you, Kathy! Not everyone can relate to the fleece joke. 🙂 I AM just down the road from you a bit. Do you babysit? Just kidding. 😉
Why yes I do! My fee is lots of dark chocolate (such as Theo’s or Seattle Chocolates), a cup of chai tea and stimulating conversation. Can you do that?!?
My favorite part:
“Where are my sunglasses?” “They’re in your other fleece!”
You need to write a Pacific NW ” Ode to the polar fleece”.
Miss you guys! Elijah saw the picture of you and the boys in this story and recognized them immediately.
We miss you too!!! Come back!!!
When I came out to meet Jeff’s family after we got engaged, I remember Lois asking me if I’d brought my fleece. I said, “What’s a fleece?” She looked at me like I was crazy. “You’ve never heard of a fleece? That’s all we wear here!” She promptly opened her coat closet door and showed me the array of various fleece–jackets, vests, hoodies, you name it. I was stunned. While I was dazed, she also told me that no one carries an umbrella here so if you want to blend in, just deal with the frizzy hair. Now, all these years later, I have frizzy hair and fleece all the way down to my sheets.
The sun is indeed a worthy diety 😉
We’re supposed to be in the throes of winter, but the sun has been shining nonstop – so much so that I wore a short sleeved dress yesterday. And, as a consequence, had to shave the legs!!
Bwaahahaha!
Have to agree, being from San Diego. Many from here have moved to the NW and come back (with large psychiatrist bills). A common surfer’s bumper sticker down there is “Who needs a job if it’s sunny?” Now, I’m not so sure about that philosophy, but…
The surfers speak truth.
Cowabunga
Come to Wisconsin! We have LOTS more sun! 🙂
Check out (or DON’T!) this depressing of the top cities with the lowest amount of sun: http://www.city-data.com/top2/c475.html
The top 16 are WA.
Haha! I know! I actually Googled “sunniest states” when I was editing this, and WA is number 47. This was not a surprise to me! The good news is, if I ever move, I have a pretty decent chance of being thrilled with the weather.
Are you sure it’s not 49 states that get more sun than us? What 4 states get less? 🙂
I love all the ways the weather forecasters can say, “There will be sun, clouds, and rain at some point today.” And, why aren’t mostly cloudy and partly sunny the same thing? And, why does it say “warmer” on Sunday, but not “more warmer” on Monday? And what about today? “Drizzle, showers, partly sunny, mostly cloudy, with it all repeated over again several times.” What did we do to anger the sun god this time? Thankful the Son is not so fickle 🙂
LOL. I live for the Sun. Days are just that much better with it. Like today. The sun finally came out after days of grey. I had my 4 year old with me and proclaimed rather loudly in the Target parking lot I might add: “It’s the SUN! The Sun! I love the sun! Don’t the suns rays on you just feel great?!” He looked at me and said “Orange Rhino Mommy, You’re yelling!!!” 🙂 Thanks for reminding me of that moment. Great post!!!!
That’s awesome! I am HOPING for some sun tomorrow…but no promises!