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Kristen Anne Glover

Five in Tow

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Failing Grade

Failing Grade

“Mom?” I heard my daughter’s voice slide weakly under the bathroom door. “Mom, I got a failing grade on my test.”

Her words quivered in the air.

“Wow, what happened?” I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door. Rivers were running down her cheeks.

“I don’t know! I thought I understood the book, but then the test had all these questions that were confusing, and I didn’t know what they were asking and…” The words tumbled out with her tears.

We stood in the hallway dripping.

“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s just one test.”

“No, Mom! It wasn’t just one test. It was a really big test!” My conscientious first-born looked at the ground and wrapped her arms tighter to herself. “I don’t know what happened.”

All she could see of herself in that moment was her failure. She saw a kid who had successfully knocked her grade down a full letter in just one shot. She saw someone who hadn’t studied well enough, who didn’t read carefully, and who made the wrong choices when it mattered.

She couldn’t see everything else that she is.

All she could see was her lack.

Failing Grade

I saw my own reflection in her teary eyes. How often I evaluate myself on my failures and measure myself by my shortcomings! All day long, I collect little infractions and big sins. When the darkness sweeps over me at night and I’m left alone with my thoughts, I lay them all out on the table one by one to see just how bad of a wife and mother I really am.

I lost my patience.

I used “that tone” again.

I put off the project my husband asked me to do.

I made my daughter feel bad about her math mistakes.

I spent too much time on my computer.

I didn’t do the Bible reading with the kids.

It all stacks up to a big, fat failing grade. I wonder why I haven’t been able to do better even though I have tried and tried and tried. How could God love this stumbling, tripping child who can’t seem to go through a day without scraping her knees?

But I look at my daughter struggling with her failure, and I long to embrace her and show her who she really is to me.

She is so much more than a grade on a test.

She is my treasure, my beloved child. Nothing she could ever do or not do could make me love her any less or any more. She already has all of me.

Failing Grade

And suddenly, I know just how my heavenly Father feels about me when I fail. He stands in the hallway with me as I bumble on about my collection of infractions, and I know he longs to scoop me up and say, “Tough day, huh kiddo?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know something?”

“What?”

“You are my treasured possession, the very one I have chosen especially for this.”

I want to argue with God and tell him that he didn’t pick very well, that he should have chosen someone with a little more going on, someone who messes up a lot less, someone who doesn’t need all the grace she takes.

“Look at what I did today,” I manage to mumble.

“I didn’t choose you because of what you could do; I chose you because of what Jesus did.”

I look to the ground and nod. It’s the best thing to do when God is right but you’re not quite ready admit it.

“Can I ask you something?” God says.

“It depends.”

“Do you think there’s anything you can do that will undo Jesus?”

The question stops me cold. I’m sure there must be something. It sure feels like it. But that’s just it: all the guilt and self-reproach is just a feeling, nothing more.

I have absolutely nothing in my arsenal of failures that is more powerful than what Christ has done.

“You can’t undo what Jesus has done—you’re not God. Nothing you can ever do wrong or anything you ever do right will ever erase his sacrifice on your behalf. I planned it that way.”

I smile to myself because it is true, and because it is comforting. None of my shortcomings is strong enough to undo Christ’s sacrifice; in fact, the more I fail, the more profoundly his sacrifice cleanses me, adopts me, and defines me.

I am a mother who fails, but I have Jesus. I am a wife who neglects, but I have Jesus. I am a daughter of God who messes up, but I have Jesus.

When God looks at my failing grade, he doesn’t see less of me. He sees more of Jesus.

And for two dripping kids who can’t seem to do better than a failing grade, that is more than enough.

Faith, Parenting Leave a Comment

Grace and a Little Bit of Burnt Soup

This past week, I had the privilege of writing for my friend Shari over at Leaving a Legacy.  It’s a story about burnt soup and grace because sometimes, our kids show us more grace than we show ourselves, and it is all at once humbling and healing and beautiful.

Won’t you take a moment to join me there?  Just don’t plan on staying for dinner.

Homemade Valentine

While you’re at Shari’s place, you will want to read a bit about her journey.  I was drawn to Shari’s story because it is incredible.  She is a stage IV breast cancer survivor.  But she hasn’t just survived, she has overcome her illness and arrived at the other side with a clarity of purpose that inspires me to work more diligently to leave a legacy of faith to my own children.  It’s easy to lose sight of that, isn’t it?

But when you stare death in the face, the need becomes a little more urgent, and I find I want to surround myself with people who get that so I don’t forget it.  Shari is one of those people I’m keeping close.

If you’ve never visited Shari’s blog, now is the perfect time.  She has just begun a Wednesday series about her cancer story, which isn’t really a cancer story at all because the cancer doesn’t get the glory.  God does.  You will want to read it all, starting with day 1 here.

 

Parenting Leave a Comment

God Wants You to Fail

God's Vision

A few weeks ago, I was asked to be a contributing writer to the Allume blog.  I looked through the list of contributing writers and swallowed hard.

(Eep).

I was more than a little afraid I’d trip all over my prepositional phrases and flat-out fail in front of all the real writers and big-time bloggers.

As I struggled through writing my first post, God kind of hijacked the whole thing and whispered in my ear, “May you fail.”

That is not what I want God to say to me when I write.  But it was exactly what I needed to hear. 

Today, my inaugural post is up.  It’s a little raw and a little real and a little not-what-I’d-planned to write.  It’s about coming to terms with the fact that God wants me to fail.  If you read along, I think you will find that God wants you to fail too.  And it’s okay.  

Won’t you join me?

8 Ways to Eat Healthy

8 Ways to Eat Healthy

And for something completely different, I had the privilege of writing a post for the Fit2B blog yesterday.  I’ve been following Beth’s exercises to help heal my diastasis, so when she asked for some help writing a few posts on nutrition, I jumped at the chance.  I have not been writing much about health and nutrition lately because I’m trying to follow a few blogging rules (focus, focus, focus), but if you know me, you know that nutrition is a passion of mine.

But for most of us, eating healthy is hard. 

In my post for Beth, I offer 8 tips to help you get a handle on healthy eating.  And guess what?  They’re all easy. 

Enjoy the blog hop!  Tomorrow, I’ll be back here with something new.

–Kristen

Health and Beauty 3 Comments

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I believe you can find grace for the mother you are and help to become the mother you long to be—a mom who has the freedom to choose the better things and enjoy her kids right now.

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