faith Archives - Page 28 of 39 - Kristen Anne Glover

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Variety {Day 22}

New here? Click here to start at the beginning of the series.

The first winter we lived in the Pacific Northwest, we broke a record for the wettest winter in the history of man. The clouds dripped cold, wet rain until it felt like it might even rain in the house. One day, I lifted the shades in the bedroom and found moss growing up the insides of the windows.

Starbucks enjoyed a nice boost of business that year. So did the library and the McDonald’s that had the indoor playground. So did the doctor’s offices, because all those places were filled with drippy-nosed children who hadn’t seen the light of day in months. The germs went wild.

Meanwhile, my mommy friends and I plotted to hijack a plane and force it to deposit the frizzy-haired, fleece-clad lot of us in Hawaii. Or Arizona. Actually, we’d be happy if the plane simply flew up over the cloud cover so we see that the sun was still there. Beautiful sun.

We were all suffocating under the monotony of endless sameness. Every day, the same gray clouds pressed down. Every day, the same icy rain kept us inside. Every day, our waking hours exceeded our creativity by at least six times. We were grumpy.

What was lacking that winter was anything new. We all felt like we were shriveling up even in the midst of all that rain.

It became painfully obvious that we needed some variety.

Most of us already knew that. “Variety is the spice of life,” right? But that winter, we felt it.

Mothers need variety. Children need variety. Without it, life becomes exceedingly boring, even wearisome. Children often respond to that boredom by acting out. Mothers often respond to that boredom by becoming depressed, short-tempered, or withdrawn. It’s a bad combination.

But change, even a little bit of change, can breathe new life into a dreary day. It helps us to enjoy our children more because change is restorative. It awakens a part of our soul that was created by an infinitely creative God. With abandon, He filled the darkest corners of the earth and the deepest depths of the ocean with strange and beautiful things. The universe is so full of the treasures of His Creation we will never come to the end of them. Man has tramped all over this world, and yet he has only begun to discover the inventions of a God who did not limit Himself when creating this home for us.

Remarkably, the God who ordered everything so perfectly also made everything so perfectly unique. Every blade of grass is the same in its composition, yet each one differs in its form. Each snowflake is just as much a snowflake as the next, yet no two are alike. Each day, the sun rises and sets in the same way, yet every day is new.

Bringing variety into our homes is one of the ways we reflect the image of God. God is creative, and when we are creative, we are like Him. None of us is creative to the same degree as God, of course, and we do not all reflect this aspect of His character to the same degree. I am often humbled when I see the creativity of others that is much more like the creativity of God than my own.

But to be creative does not mean I have to come up with the ideas myself. It means to create, using whatever resources are available, even the ideas and inspiration of others. That’s why God made Pinterest.

If you find yourself getting into a rut with your children, and each day seems mundane and uninspiring, and you find yourself lacking enjoyment of them, it might be time to get creative. Look for ways you can bring some newness and change into your home.

Not everyone thrives on the same amount of change or even the same types of change, but even very simple things like a fresh haircut or getting new books at the library can make you and your child feel renewed. It can spark fresh excitement and enjoyment in your relationship.

Here are some ideas:

*Do a toy swap with a friend. What could be more fun than having some new toys or puzzles to play with for the week?

*Have a picnic lunch on the living room floor, complete with blankets and lemonade.

*Help your child decorate her room.

*Take the kids out of school for the day and go do something special as a family.

*Take a different way home, or follow a road and see where it goes.

*Eat at an ethnic restaurant you’ve never tried before, or research a country and make your own ethnic cuisine. Don’t forget to decorate appropriately!

*Try a new craft! Have your kids ever used pastels? Clay? Beads? Check out Pinterest for an endless supply of ideas. Pick one and surprise the kids.

*Rearrange the furniture.

*Eat by candlelight.

*Get out your old CDs and educate your children on “good music.” Don’t forget to dance!

*Throw a tea party.

*Play a physical game with your kids, like tag or Twister.

*Slip love notes to your kids under their doors.

*Plan a day trip! Don’t tell your kids where you’re going. Just load them up in the car and let them writhe with anticipation.

*Create a scavenger hunt in the house or yard.

*Visit the elderly. Bring a list of questions and try to learn more about what life was like many years ago.

*Hide Easter eggs…in January.

*Get new coloring books and crayons. Don’t skimp on the new crayons. It’s fun.

*Make a new dessert. Let the kids pick!

*Choose a family to bless. Make up a basket of goodies, personal products, or food items and drop it off on their doorstep. If you live in the city, create gift bags full of sample products, non-perishable food items, and other necessities and hand-deliver them to a panhandler.

*Make and send cards to a deployed soldier.

*Make pretzels. Let the kids shape their own!

*See how big of a blanket fort you can make.

*Put everyone’s name in a bowl and let each person draw a name. Spend the day doing special things for the person you picked.

These are just ideas to get you started. The possibilities are endless, just like the creativity of God. Why not pick one thing to do this weekend to breathe some newness and creativity into your home. You will find that you and your children enjoy the change.

Need variety ? Throw a toga party.

Please join us on Monday for Day 23. Only eight days left!

For further thought:

1) Some children struggle with change. If you have a child who does not like most types of change, you may need to focus on making the changes less dramatic, like changing your own bedroom or simply putting fresh flowers on the table. Don’t let your child’s uncertainty keep you from doing anything at all. Simply do things more slowly.

2) We learned in our post on constancy that creativity without constancy is chaos. Even though creativity is one aspect of God’s character, so is order. If you are a very creative person, you may need to learn to balance your creativity with some structure so your children don’t feel like they’re living in a state of chaos. Read the creation account of Genesis 1. Notice how God ordered His creation to reflect both aspects of His character. Does your home reflect both order and creativity?

3) What are some of the ways you have introduced variety into your home? How do you keep things interesting and new? Please share in the comments!

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Rest {Day 19}

Just joining us? You will find Day 1 of the series here.

When Daylight Saving Time ended about six weeks ago, I did not set my clocks back. I hate how it gets dark out at 4 pm, how my children are cranky for a week while they adjust to the new schedule, and how much more time my kids have to spend inside because night falls just as soon as they are finishing school. This year, I simply refused to participate.

We now operate by our own time.

This has worked out brilliantly for me. Using Glover Time, I never have to be out of the house before 10 am because that’s only 9 am to the rest of the Pacific Standard Time minions. My neighbors think I am an incredibly responsible person when my kitchen light turns on at 5:50 am. Yep, that’s me. Mrs. Morning Person with the five kids all dressed and memorizing Bible verses at 8 am.

The only hitch in my little rebellion against the Time Lords is Wednesday night. Wednesday night is when the kids and I go to our home group Bible study. Wednesday nights start at 7 pm in “real” time, which means we arrive at 8 pm Glover time. 8 pm Glover Time is bedtime, the only thing holy next to God. This is problematic.

But last week, I was relieve to find that the kids did not feel the least bit sleepy at the start of our home group. They did not feel the least bit sleepy when dessert was served or when the movie started. They did not feel the least bit sleepy as we drove home and counted Christmas lights.

But when we rolled in the driveway at 10:30 pm, Kya burst into tears. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t know!” she wailed. “I just feel like crying!” She could not get out of the van. She was sobbing all over her new lilac colored puffy winter coat with matching accessories.

Micah had developed a sudden paralysis as well, which was unfortunate because his seat blocks the sliding door. Everyone waited.

“I can’t waaaaaaaaaalk,” he moaned.

“Micah! Ouch, stop pushing! I can’t get out! MOM! Micah won’t move!” My older two made their contributions to our Hallmark moment.

“Micah, come here,” I said, yanking him (it was a gentle yank) out of the car and tucking him under one arm.

“Mom! Don’t hurt me!” he wailed loudly enough to cause our neighbor to come to his window to see which of my children I was beating in the driveway.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, sweetie,” I said while fishing in the van with my free arm for the missing twin. “Paul, come here,” I said.

“I so TIRED, Mom!” Paul sighed, slumping down between his seat and mine where I could not reach him.

“I know you’re tired. But you need to get of the car first and I’ll get you all tucked into bed. Come here, Paul.” Paul obeyed but his lower lip stuck out and trembled. I scooped him up in my other arm and attempted to carry both boys up the front steps, even though I am painfully—I repeat, painfully—out of practice when it comes to carrying both boys up the front steps at the same time. Kya followed me, crying like I’d just told her she isn’t a real princess.

“Don’t worry, guys,” I gasped, wondering if my kids really would dial 911 if I passed out, or if they’d just jump on me. “I’ll have you cozy in a minute.”

But it took more than a minute to get everyone in bed. Kya wept over her toothbrush. Paul collapsed in the entryway and refused to take off his shoes. Micah face-planted onto the steps leading up to the bathroom where he moaned, “I tired…I tired…I tired…” to which Faith replied, “We heard you the first time!”

It was heartwarming, really. As I crashed into bed, I realized I had not even started my blog post for the next day. Not. Even. Started. It was supposed to be on enjoying my children, and specifically, weakness. That was funny, because the last half hour, I had absolutely cherished the socks off those little dumplings.

I should write on exhaustion, I thought. But I wasn’t quite ready to talk about it yet. I was secretly terrified that I had to get up in the morning and do this all over again. I had to teach school and parent alone and be alone and try to write what was on my heart in a way that wasn’t preachy or self-righteous or…fake. Also, I hadn’t shaved my legs in at least two weeks. Suddenly, that seemed important.

Vince Lomabrdi once said, “Exhaustion makes cowards of us all.” If by “coward” he meant “paranoid schizophrenic,” then yes. That quote is spot-on. Exhaustion was wreaking havoc in my home.

The opposite of exhaustion is rest. That’s something I used to get before I had children. In fact, before I had children, I didn’t have to think about rest much at all because it was usually available to me whenever I needed it. Now, it is something I have to find.

In the Bible, rest is equated with blessing, promise, and God’s favor. It is hope for the future. But it is also a command. I used to wonder why God commanded us to rest. Rest is one of our most basic needs as human beings, like food. We need deep, daily, restorative rest. God doesn’t need to tell us that.

Or does He?

The command to rest highlights the fact that there is something in our nature that fights it. We get squirrely about going to bed on time and resting in quiet devotion to God. In fact, we tend to do everything else first. We see it in Psalm 23, where God has to make us to lie down in green pastures.

We see it also in the church. We love the Ten Commandments, except that one about the Sabbath. That one no longer applies to us today, we say, and dispose of the beauty, grace, and gift of the Sabbath along with the Law. We want to fix people by plugging them into programs or doling out Scripture verses when often what they need is rest, true physical and spiritual rest.

We see it in our homes. We stay up too late working, pushing bedtime farther and farther back while we struggle to fit more into a day than a day can hold. When we have time, we tend to equate rest and relaxation, or worse, rest and entertainment. They are not the same things.

Rest is a discipline.

It is taking the time to restore our bodies and our souls. It means going to bed on time. It means humbling ourselves in quiet reflection before God. Those two things do not happen in front of the TV or at a BBQ with the neighbors. Rest takes work.

One of the greatest things we can do to foster our enjoyment of our children is to guard our times of rest. The very practical aspect of making sure your children go to bed on time and get enough rest (note to self) will work wonders on making them more enjoyable. Ensuring your own rest time will make you more enjoyable.

When I am tempted to overextend myself and fight against rest (which is often), I think of Jesus. Throughout the New Testament, we find him slipping away, even though the crowds of needy people pressed in around him and followed him wherever he went. Imagine that. There he is, the Savior of the World, the one who can fix all their hurts, heal their diseases, raise their dead—and he leaves them with their hands outstretched so he can go take a nap.

I think Jesus knew the intimacy between body and soul. He knew it is very difficult to have a restful soul without a rested body. Rest was essential to his ministry and to his health. He understood that he could not help any of those people if he was not restored in body and spirit. So he slept. And he prayed. He took the time to rest so he was equipped to do the work God had for him.

Surely, if the Son of God can leave blind men and beggars to rest, I can leave the dishes in the sink and go to bed on time. Surely, if the Son of God can find time to pray when all the world was waiting for him to do a work, I can find the time to settle my soul down with my Savior, even if it means saying no to entertainment or relaxation or leaving before the party has ended. Surely, if the Son of God needed to rest in order to do his best for those he loved, I do as well.

He restores my soul

Please join us tomorrow for Day 20: Food

For further thought:

1) Using a tool like www.biblegateway.com, search for the word “rest.” Notice how often the word is equated with a blessing. Do you view rest as a blessing or an obligation?

2) When was the last time you restored your soul by resting in God? Today, make it a point to get away with God for ten minutes. Pray. Rest in the promises of His Word. You will find yourself more equipped to love and enjoy your children for the rest of the day.

3) How is rest like an act of faith?

Bonus: Sometimes, we don’t get the rest we think we need and it can become an idol in our lives. If you have this struggle, you might want to read Counting the Hours, a story I wrote about that very thing.

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Unplug {Day 18}

Welcome to our series! Find Day 1 here.

Last night, the kids and I lit the Christmas tree and turned off all the other lights in the house. We gathered candles and lit them too—a half a dozen or so scattered around the living room like fireflies. Faith and Jonathan brought two tall tapers to the table so we could have dinner in their hushed glow.

It was just the six of us, sometimes talking, sometimes silent, watching the flames and enjoying the comfort of sitting close and sharing a meal together. My children’s eyes twinkled, full of the wonder of Christmas, the enchantment of the evening, and the expectation of good things to come.

“I want to pray,” Kya said, unexpectedly. Micah’s warm little hand instinctively reached for mine and Paul put his hands over his eyes. Kya prayed right in the middle of the meal, just because she thought of something to say to God that couldn’t wait. “Thanks for making us,” she said.

It was a good prayer.

“I like this,” Jonathan said, nearly singeing his hair on the candle. All the other children smiled and nodded.

“I’m going to have a candle collection when I grow up,” Faith mused.

I watched her playing with the wax as it pooled up on the pewter candlestick like a glop of warm jam, and I was awed into silence. It takes so little to be happy. Sometimes, all it takes is a little quiet to let your ears hear what your heart is trying to speak.

But our world is far from silent. It has become ever louder with each passing generation until it seems that there is not a single place on this earth where the noise has not permeated. The average American spends nearly 5 hours a day watching television, two hours a day online, and at least an hour a day staring at a cell phone screen. Sixty-six percent of all American homes have three or more televisions, and seven out of ten homes keep the TV on during dinner. Most families have the TV on all the time, whether they are watching it or not.

There is no silence.

Our attentions are so divided, most of us multitask our media, watching TV and surfing the internet at the same time, listening to music while texting a friend and playing a Facebook game. It is no wonder we don’t enjoy our children. They are just another part of the noise.

Perhaps it’s time we unplug.

A few years ago, I made the decision to keep the TV off if my kids were awake. It was my habit to wake up and turn on the morning news shows. But I had become increasingly more aware of the fact that my children were watching what was on the screen. The programming, including scary news clips, was not meant for children. Neither were the commercials, which often sold products and services using very adult situations.

It was not an easy break. I missed it at first. But I reminded myself of this: no one ever got to the end of her life and said, “I wish I’d watched more TV.” I will not wish I’d sat on a couch more and stared at a box longer. No, I will wish I had lived my life more fully than that.

I am far from being free from the noise, however. My children will tell you that while I don’t watch TV, and I don’t own a cell phone, I do spend far too much of my day plunking away at my laptop. They know that if I am staring at the screen, they might have to ask a question two or three times before I hear them. Faith says, “Don’t you know Mommy’s in her computer trance?”

If I am not careful, I allow myself to engage more with my computer than I do with my children. I become frustrated because they are making noise and I can’t concentrate. I yell at them to stop arguing instead of getting up and going downstairs to see what’s wrong. I become annoyed when they need something from me because I am trying to work. I fill up my lap with a laptop instead of a child.

Have I really done anything better than what I was doing before? Of course not.

Enjoying my children means I must give them my full attention because I enjoy my children more when I am fully present, when they have both my ears, both my eyes, and my undivided delight. I enjoy them more when I am not attempting to multi-task my thoughts and my affections.

To do this, I must turn off the media. I have to keep the TV off, limit the times when I work or play on my computer, and let the phone go to voicemail.

Then, in the quiet, I can connect with my children. That means that when they are talking to me, I respond with my eyes. I watch their faces, not a screen. I listen with my ears to their voices, not to the TV or the music, and not texting someone at the same time. I answer with real words, not “Uh-huh.”

It is such a simple but profound difference. Your children know when you are not engaging with them. They can tell. That’s why they pat your arm and say your name over and over again when you’re busy doing something else. They want to know you are really there. They have learned that often, you are not.

Your children want all of you in their moment.

Unplug. Let the phone ring. Just because you have it with you does not mean it needs to control you. Let the texts go unanswered. Let Facebook update itself. Be unavailable today to the distractions of a noisy world and engage the people you really care about.

Today, make it a point to connect with your children in the quiet.

Unplug

Join us tomorrow for Day 19: Rest

For further thought:

1) Matthew 6:24 and Luke 16:13 talk about how we cannot serve two masters. We are unable to divide our affections. In the context, money is the second master, but anything can take God’s place in our hearts, including media. Does your media usage reflect the fact that you are trying to serve two masters? How is that working in your home?

2) Most people are familiar with the phrase, “A house divided cannot stand.” How is dividing your attention destructive to your family? How is it counterproductive to fill your home with sounds and images that do not reflect what you say you believe?

3) Today, keep track of how often you put your children second to media. Sometimes, it is appropriate to make them wait, but often it is not. Evaluate yourself. Are your affections divided? Are you too plugged in to a device and not as plugged in to your children as you need to be? What changes can you make to correct this problem?

« Previous Page