I have been dying to tell you the wonderful news: Five in Tow is about to grow! Jeff and I are excited to announce that we’re expecting.
I know you probably thought we were done having children. Five certainly is a handful, at least that’s what the Costco sample ladies tell me when my kids clear out their toothpicked cheese cubes in one fell swoop.
There’s also the small part about how motherhood didn’t come easy to me. It took me about…well, five kids to get broken in to this gig, and for some time prior to that, I threatened to pack up my children and send them to Argentina.
But, this child, this sixth child, is something different. This child is not growing in my womb. This child has been growing in my heart since I was old enough to notice that not all children have it good.
Not all children are safe.
Not all children are wanted.
Not all children are loved.
And not all people who can do something about it are. Including me.
Many years ago, before I was married, I wanted to adopt all the babies. I had lived in third world countries and worked with street children and orphans. By the time I was nineteen, I had seen more unwanted children than I could bear. I determined to do something about it.
But then I got married. And pregnant. And pregnant again, and…every time I thought about adding another child to our home, life would get crazy and I would wonder what on earth I was thinking.
I began to believe that I really am terribly busy, and I have used those Costco ladies as my justification for passing up many opportunities to be Christ to this hurting world. I have my hands full already, thankyouverymuch.
But God’s been talking to me about being the Word, and it’s all terribly more self-sacrificial than I am comfortable with.
So I read all through the Word looking for some fine print that would exempt me from anything harder than where I am right now. What I found was Jesus telling poor people to care for poorer people. Jesus telling busy people to stop and bind up the wounds of the hurting. Jesus telling moms who pounded out their daily bread to feed the widows and the orphans with some of it. Jesus saying, “Hey, the harvest is ready, but the trouble is, none of you are willing to stop what you’re doing and labor for me.”
So we stopped. We prayed. We talked to our kids. We did the next thing, and the next thing more. Now, we are knee-deep in the foster licensing process with the intention of adopting a child out of the system. We have to get the licensing part done before Jeff deploys, which is so insane, our case worker is developing a twitch. But we have a set of fire extinguishers in our kitchen and fingerprints on file and a whole lot of friends and family with permanent hand cramps because they had to fill out pages of references forms on us.
It is labor, all of it. But with the labor comes great expectation, abundant joy, and a good share of nausea.
I hear that’s normal for expectant parents.
Hopefully, we can act like a normal family for a few weeks longer so we can wrap up the foster-licensing process. Jeff will deploy, and even though it’s not ideal to welcome a new child to the home while the father is away, we’re kind of over waiting for ideal. When it comes to foster care, there is no ideal.
Our hope is to foster-adopt, so we are praying that the Lord will bring us the right child right away so that we can begin the legal process as quickly as possible. Jeff will be getting orders to a new duty station soon after he completes his deployment, and we need to complete the adoption while we’re still living in Texas…or we might lose the child and have to start the whole thing all over again.
But even if we cannot adopt, we are thrilled to have the opportunity to love and invest in another child for as long as God lets us have her. When you think about it, that’s really what parenting is all about.
Won’t you pray for us? We’re expecting God to show up big time because this whole thing is crazy-scary and infinitely bigger than us. Those are exactly the circumstances God seems to like the most, when I have nothing of my own to offer and He gets to remind me why He’s God, and I’m not.
Pray particularly for this sixth child who may, at this very moment, be experiencing unspeakable trauma at the hands of those who are supposed to love him. Pray pray for the family who is so broken, a child isn’t safe in their care. Finally, pray that we will remain steadfast and diligent as we labor to make room for one more.
Six in tow? I kinda like the sound of that.
Bev says
hi, fellow adopting parents! We have 5 of them…we got 2 as babies, and the last 3 (whom we called “the littles” were a family group, with many, many needs from emotional to moral to whatever!!!) We have been stretched until the elastic wore off! It has been a hair-raising horror story at times, and really good at times. All are now grown, and living with their choices of ungodly and godlly lifestyles. May you have great wisdom especially when their puberty hits, as this turned managable kids to monsters set out to destroy me.
God is sovereign and in conntrol! May you overflow with His love, which is so abundant!
Cherraine says
Just read this aloud to my college-freshman-home-for-Christmas-break daughter, after discovering your latest post thanks to a friend posting it on FB. We each nodded, smiled, and teared in empathy and understanding. My husband and I have 6 children, 4 of whom were adopted after fostering, and can’t imagine life otherwise. (Ok….occasionally we can, but only briefly, and we never admit it. 🙂 ) Prayers from Georgia!
Laurel says
We are a foster family and recently adopted our son. It is a beautiful but, very broken path. Thank you for stepping out in faith and obedience to Him. I cannot encourage you enough to continue to educate yourselves and find a strong support network of those familiar with the path you are walking. The most invaluable resource we have been introduced to in our journey is the Empowered to Connect materials. Please check out their website empoweredtoconnect.org. God bless you and your family!
Kimberly says
Thank you for writing this! My heart on paper! I have searched the web for months looking for similar stories. I have 4 kids. We question and doubt, but keep feeling a nudge from God. We took a picture very similar to yours in hopes of announcing to our family our plans. The saying on our photo is- “Adoption is love, Love is family, Family is Forever.” THANK YOU!
Sue says
We are right there with you!! What you have blogged is exactly how we feel! Not wanting more kids, just less orphans. We will be praying for your family! We are in the middle of our home study. And currently have four kids. God bless!
Heidi says
Hi there, first time reading your blog (my brother sent it to me). I grew up as a bio child in our home where we fostered over 50 children, adopting 3. At times it was hard to share my parents, my room, my stuff… but the call was clear. Now, two of us foster plus many friends and relatives we recruited along the way! My 3 children are adopted (two fostered first, then adopted) and we have had about 35 children that were able to be restored in their newly healthy and happy home of origin. This has been hard – hard on our children and on us in ways I never expected – but also deeply rooted in a joint sense of purpose to be God’s love to these hurting children. It’s brought us through the pain and heartache that have naturally occurred from bringing in damaged children and youth. For awhile they test and are so very angry or so deeply hurting that you will wonder if you are doing the right thing. You ARE. Blessings on this journey!!
Laurie Wallin says
I can practically *hear* the excited squeals raising up from your homestead, all the way from here! Welcome to the foster adoptive family. <3 It will not be easy, but it will be a great Jesus journey for all of you. May I recommend a resource? Because in our experience, and having coached many adoptive parents, all system kids have attachment disorder at least in the first year. Go in with eyes open and it will only be a year. This book helped me see through a troubled child's eyes/world and feel the comfort of someone else in the world who *got* me (because even spouses don't fully understand the issues facing the primary caregiver). It's this: Building Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes. Go on boldly, sis. You've got support in this fost/adopt mama, and with many others, no doubt. Blessings!!
Rachelle Rea says
So excited for you! Prayers!
Judy Cozza says
You have just emphasized what Christmas is all about for me. Thank you for your amazing example and honesty in all your posts. I always want to be better because of what you share. I do want to be better everyday. I want to be like the Savior. Thank you and we are praying for you, your children, and your special 6th child. God bless you. I love you.
Grace says
What a wonderful thing to do! I remember that you mentioned your hope to adopt in one of your posts a while ago. I do hope all the paperwork and everything go smoothly….keep us updated! 🙂
gail says
Wonderful! God’s blessings on you, your family and the precious lives waiting to be taken in.
Grandma says
Before Grandpa and I got married we had already decided that we were going to have six kids. But after Uncle Andy was born we decided that we were ready to be through. God had other plans and along came Uncle Mike. We never questioned His wisdom and He’ll guide you in this new venture (maybe, adventure) in your lives. Love you and are praying that this will all work out for His glory!!
sarah says
Congratulations, I hope all the best things happen and your family is blessed.
Kristen Glover says
Thank you, Sarah!
Heather says
Beautiful. Thank you for allowing us to look inside the window of this precious and overwhelming time of your life. I’m praying now.
Kristen Glover says
Thank you, Heather. We appreciate all your prayers.
The Orange Rhino says
Crying tears of joy and happiness over here! This is beautifully wonderful news. My husband is adopted and I too yearn to give a child the home he/she deserves. There is a little one out there who is about to receive the best blessing of ever – joining your family. Sixth in tow is more than beautiful, it is magical. xoxo
Kristen Glover says
I know you get it better than most–it is both terrifying and wonderful to think about adding another. Some days, I feel like I can barely give my biological children the attention they need. But, it’s time to step it up because it is intolerable that any child should live in a home where he or she is not loved and cared for. Thank you for embracing the crazy with us!
Joelle says
Welcome to the emotional roller coaster, yet SO REWARDING experience of being a foster parent. I have 2 beautiful daughters–biological sisters–that have been with me for about a year and a half. I went into this just planning on being a foster parent, not planning on adopting. God always likes to show me how His plans are better than mine. I’m now in the process of adopting my 2 girls. They say this has been ‘fast’ in the world of foster care. Let me tell you though… it has been so incredible to open my heart and home to these 2 precious girls. I can so see God’s hand in the midst of so much chaos in their life in the years past. How he brought us 3 together is nothing short of amazing. I’m EXCITED for this new journey. It will be hard. There were nights of tears…but so many times of endless giggles and first time experiences. There are the practical sides too. Check for lice the first day they enter your home (silly me, I waited 3 days til I checked). Always reassure them of the schedule, and what’s coming up. They’ve often never had a stable home where they new what was coming around the next corner. Have a snack bin in your fridge/pantry that are ‘anytime snacks’. So they know they will never go hungry, and those healthy snacks can be eaten as often or whenever they like (this was important at first, but hasn’t been needed after they finally felt comfortable at my home). I also took them Costco shopping the first day I had them. I think that helped convince them that we weren’t going to go hungry! Praying for the “perfect for you”child to be protected right now from the impact of the trauma they’re facing. Love and blessings!
Kristen Glover says
I love this story. Thank you so much for sharing it! I am encouraged by all of you who are in the mix with us and can share advice. We need it! I am praying for you and your girls. May God bless your family!
Laurie Wallin says
Yes! We had to deal with horrible lice. Twice in both girls because they were my first kiss and I had no idea what I was doing.
Natasha Metzler says
Excited for you. Praying for you. <3
Mind if I also pray that maybe you could get sent to Northern New York? (There's a base right near us.) It might be a culture shock after Texas– but we would totally come visit you then. 🙂
Kristen Glover says
Northern New York would be wonderful! Pray away! I would love to be able to actually meet you in person. Coffee date? Yes, please.
Holly says
Amazing! I found your blog a few years ago and I’m excited about your news. We are praying through the same thing.
Kristen Glover says
How wonderful that you are pursuing the same thing. I am so excited to hear about other families making a difference. May God bless your journey!
Laurie Wallin says
Hi Holly, I am a foster/adoptive mom and coach who works with families with special needs kids (adoption is one too, at least in the first year or so). Praying God’s clear encouragement in every sense of the term (as in emotional inspiration AND the giving of courage :-)). I recommended a book to Kristen below. Would encourage anyone seriously considering foster care check it out. We’re amazingly idealistic as Christians. Adoption isn’t rainbows and unicorns… It’s miracles and walking on water with the God of power and the Great Physician! Go in prepared and it is an amazing ride. <3
Kristen Glover says
Thank you so much for this, Laurie. You are a huge inspiration to me!
Kyndra says
So exciting! If your library has it (I know it’s one ABEbooks) “Somebody Go And Bang A Drum” by Rebecca Caudill is an awesome book about a family who had one child and then adopted four or five five more from all over the world. I think it’s a great introduction to some of the changes that come with adoption for the other children in the family. Probably a third-fifth grade reading level, it’s been a while since I read it…K
Kristen Glover says
I love this! Thank you so much for pointing out such a great resource. As we talk with our kids about expanding our family through adoption, it’s so important to be able to expose them to different perspectives. Thank you!