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Kristen Anne Glover

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30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Fear {Day 15}

Welcome to our series! Find Day 1 here.

“We are brave of all scary.”—Paul, age 4

 

This past week, I sat with three different women who had faced some of the deepest fears I could ever imagine.  One of them is a dear friend who is facing single parenthood after the man she loved and trusted confessed a sin that left her breathless.  She is forced to answer questions she never thought would be asked by a son she never thought she’d have to raise alone.

Another woman told me how she struggles this time of year because it brings up the memory of the day she came home from work to find out her eighth grade son had never made it on the school bus.  Just minutes after Judy kissed him good-bye, he had been attacked and murdered by someone who wanted the things they would have given away for nothing.  They found their youngest child dead on the floor near their bed where he was trying to hide.

The third discovered she and her husband had incompatible genes.  Together, they had a 1 in 4 chance of creating a child with an incurable and excruciating disorder.  But they did not know it until an ultrasound of their first child showed it.  It took a little baby being born into a hopeless situation to learn what lingered in their DNA.  By then it was too late to help him: a little baby was born into a life of pain, and a woman was born into motherhood by a child she could not keep.  This friend had to give her son back to heaven five years after he had been given to her on earth.

These are the stories that seize my heart as a mother.  I listen, watching the faces of these women, and I wonder how they ever survived, how they are surviving.  They embody everything I fear as a mother: losing a child, illness, disease, betrayal, abandonment, and more.

I realize I am a fearful person, a fearful mother.  The traumatic events of my life—real or imagined—have left me quick to flinch, and I respond with the classic fight-or-flight impulse.  I respond in anger or I retreat into avoidance.  I control or I over-protect.  I accuse or I suspect.  Fear is the catalyst of all sorts of actions that are not love.  It keeps me from loving and enjoying my children because it binds up my heart and doesn’t leave it free to beat the way it should.  I cannot truly love them when I am fearful.

In fact, it seems to me that love is the opposite of fear.  When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, it was not hate they felt first, but fear.  As soon as that awful choice was made, their hearts began to quiver, and they cowered at the familiar sound of their Lord walking in the garden.  Everything that was beautiful and lovely now cast shadows and harbored danger.  They knew the most lovely thing was the most dangerous of all.

Our children are the most lovely things we have been allowed to create.  But because they are so lovely, they are the most dangerous of all.  We fear losing them.  We fear hurting them and being hurt by them.  We fear not being able to control them and being embarrassed by them.  We fear failure at not parenting them well.

All that fear rushes into the places where love should reign and deceives us into thinking we are really loving our children when in fact, we are acting out of fear.  We are coating them in hand-sanitizer and telling them they can’t date until they’re thirty and calling them fifteen times a night to ask them where they are–not because we love them but because we fear what might happen to them.  We get angry when they jump off of things they shouldn’t or run across the street without looking because we fear they will break.

We know we live in a broken world, and we must walk amongst the shards.  We know we will get cut but we don’t know how deep, and that is the fear.  So we respond the only way we know how, by instinct rather than faith, in the hopes of getting out with as little damage as possible.  We allow fear to reign where love longs to dwell.

If only we understood that love is more powerful than fear!  It is the original beautiful thing, and fear is but a broken shard, no longer beautiful, and no longer good.  Fear does not have the same beauty and it does not hold the same power.  The words of truth confirm it.  “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”  (1 John 4:18)

There is no fear in love.  How I want that to be true!  I want to love my husband so perfectly, I never fear for his loyalty.  I want to love my children so perfectly, I never try to guard their freedom or control their actions.

But I cannot love perfectly.  That part of the verse does not apply to me at all.  It applies only to Christ, whose perfect love stepped into my world of shadows and laid His life over the shards.  Into the midst of all my fear, Christ has come.  Christ is.   

In the midst of the very real and dangerous moments, I find Him abiding.  There, the sweetness of Christ demonstrates real love and allows me the freedom to let go of fear.  I have never been in a situation in my life, even the most fearful moments, where I did not find Christ.

But I have found this to be true: I have had less fear in the actual traumatic events in my life than I have had in the imagined events that never came to pass.  How I worry and fret and fear for things that God never ordained for me!  How many times have I feared because my husband had to drive home in the snow?  How many times have I planned his funeral because he was two hours late?  How many times have I diagnosed my child’s cough as pneumonia and allowed my mind to bind me up with terror?

That is when I must turn to faith instead of fear.  Fear does not have the power to change the course of events.  It only keeps me from fulfilling my purposes in the time and space God has ordained for me.  It keeps me from enjoying my children and cherishing my husband.

Instead of giving in to fear, I must cling to this truth: Christ’s love is greater than anything I could imagine.  He is sufficient for this moment, and He will be sufficient for whatever comes to pass.  His love will abide wherever He chooses to lead.

Where Christ abides, I am free to love and enjoy my children without fear.

In a world of shadows, Christ abides.

Please join us tomorrow for Day 16: Weakness

For further thought:

1) Are you living under the weight of fear?  My friend gave me this suggestion: think of your fear and imagine Christ in the midst of it.  Can you see Him there?  Can you trust Him to love you through it?

2) When I am afraid, I love to meditate on Psalm 23.  You may know it by heart.  When you are struggling through difficult situations or facing future fears, read it over and over again.  Let the words sink deep into your heart.  Hold onto the fact that Christ will permeate any future hardships.

3)  2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  Are you allowing your fearful thoughts to control you, or are you taking them captive to the truth that Christ will be sufficient in all things?  Ask God to help you discipline your mind toward faith.

Parenting 10 Comments

Giveaway!

A Baltic amber giveaway (baby not included)!

Update: This giveaway is now closed!  Congratulations to reader Sarah who chose the Lemondrop necklace as her prize!

 

Thanks to all of you loyal readers, this website keeps growing and growing, which means it’s time for another giveaway!  I’m proud to offer one of my favorite products as our latest giveaway, a Baltic amber necklace from Hazelaid!

What’s so great about an amber necklace, you ask?  Well, let me tell you.

A Testimonial

A year ago, I was introduced to the Hazelaid company.  A friend of mine recommended their Baltic amber and hazelwood products, which she said had incredible healing properties.  I read everything on their site, including the following description of Baltic amber:

“Amber is not a “stone” but a natural resin.  So as it warms with the body’s natural temperature, amber releases its healing oils (these oils contain succinic acid) which are readily absorbed into the skin and then into the bloodstream. Baltic Amber has some of the highest concentrations of succinic acid found in nature, and this is what makes it so special. Succinic acid is a natural component of plant and animal tissues, and its presence in the human body is beneficial in many ways.

Commonly known as “teething jewelry” in Europe, Baltic amber has been a natural remedy for pain relief for hundreds of years. Baltic amber is a natural analgesic that will help relieve headaches, reduce inflammation of the throat, ear and stomach and fight irritations, infections and respiratory diseases as it dramatically improves the body’s immunity. Many adults report improvement of arthritis discomfort and carpal tunnel pain in their hands when wearing amber on the wrists.”

I then bought two items, hoping they would help with some of my life-long health issues including inflammation, joint pain, and a chronically weak immune system.

But I was skeptical.  How could tree sap and bark help?   I’ve been dealing with these issues for so long, I couldn’t believe anything so simple could help.

I received my order very quickly, put on the products, and waited.  I was stunned—simply stunned—at how the products began to work and my life changed.  It sounds dramatic, but when you deal with chronic health issues, and they suddenly go away, you can’t help but be amazed!   Here are the changes I experienced:

  • Since I was a child, I have experienced chronic pain in my limbs due to the way I grew.  I used to have to take medication every night just to sleep, and often more during the night because the pain would wake me up.  Since wearing the necklace, I have been able to completely cut out all pain medication!   I have not been able to do this in years.
  • My immune system has never been stronger.  I am the kind of person who used to get sick all the time.  Since wearing the Hazelaid products, I have only gotten two colds this year.  This is a miracle for me!  I didn’t even get the flu that my kids caught.  Usually, I’m the one who brings it home in the first place!
  • My menstrual cramps have virtually disappeared (male readers, you have my apologies!).  I did not expect this to happen, as it’s not something Hazelaid talks about on their site.  I have always suffered from extremely painful cramps during my period.  I live on Advil, and if I don’t take 3 at a time, I can’t function.  I sleep with Advil beside the bed because the pain wakes me up.  My menstrual cycle has always been a huge source of stress and frustration for me because of this.  I feel like once a month, I have to enter a long, dark, painful tunnel.  I was astonished when the natural pain relief in the necklace was powerful enough to combat even my menstrual pain.  I now take, at most, 2 Advil the entire duration of my cycle.  It’s absolutely incredible!

I  have become such a believer in the power of Baltic amber that I contacted Hazelaid and asked if I could give away one of their products.  They were gracious enough to give me a discount so I could order two necklaces.  I chose the strongest, most powerful necklaces they have!  The winner gets to choose their prize, either 16” Super Butter Baltic amber necklace or an 18”Lemondrop necklace.

The Super Butter amber necklace has the highest succinic acid content.

The Lemondrop necklace also has a very high succinic acid content, but the more neutral color might work better with your wardrobe!

How do you win one?

The contest is open to all of my readers around the world!  Simply leave a comment below and the winner will be chosen at random at 4 pm PST on Sunday, April 29, 2011.  Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery.

A discount for everyone!

I wish I could give everyone a necklace to try, but since I can’t, Hazelaid has graciously offered a 10% discount for all my readers!

Simply shop online and enter code tow10 at checkout.  This code has no limitations and no expiration, so feel free to share it! 

Thank you all for your continued support!

Kristen

 

Health and Beauty 150 Comments

I believe you can find grace for the mother you are and help to become the mother you long to be—a mom who has the freedom to choose the better things and enjoy her kids right now.

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