When I am old, I will be the kind of woman who smiles at young mothers and tells them to enjoy their babies. I will tell them to hug their children tight, laugh more, and worry less. I will not forget that parenting is hard, and I will not be so foolish as to tell a mother with a screaming two-year-old that she will miss these days.
But when I am old, I will remember that I did not always enjoy my children, and I will wish I had. I will remember that some days, I thought it was enough that my children were loved. It was enough that they were cared for. It was enough that we made it through the day and I had not yet been committed to an asylum.
I will remember that in my heart, I was jealous of my husband who could walk in the door from work and wrestle children without any thought to whether they’d be too wound up to go to sleep. I was envious of the grandmas and great-aunts and darling old neighbors who could simply be with my children without any thought to what had to be done.
I will remember that I acted as if enjoying my children was a nice “extra.” But it wasn’t always as important as the laundry.
When I am old, I will have learned that enjoying my children is not an extra. It is essential. It is transformative. It is powerful, and it cannot wait until they are older and it is easier.
Still, I have been a young mother, and I know that words like this from an old woman are not always welcome. A young mother will think it is hard enough to keep up with all the demands of motherhood without having to like it, too. It is hard enough to get through some days without completely losing it; the idea of enjoying the children in the midst of the mess is unfathomable.
But when I am old, I will have learned that this is exactly the point. Anyone can enjoy her children when it is easy. Anyone can smile when the family photos are being snapped. I certainly did that much. But to enjoy a child who is cold and distant, who can never seem to obey, or who just makes the messes messier…that is foolishness.
It is a foolishness that captures the hearts of our children and breathes the aroma of Christ into our homes. It is a foolishness that gives real hands and feet to love and chases insecurities away. It is a foolishness that raises motherhood from an out-of-fashion role to a means by which the world can see the very image of God.
There is something other-worldly beautiful about a mother who delights in her children. It smacks of the self-sacrifice and unconditional love we hear so much about but rarely see. In that simple, flesh-defying act of enjoying her children, a mother demonstrates the very heart of God for His own.
It is hard. It is foolish. It is glorious.
When I am an old woman, I will remember that I didn’t always enjoy my children the way I should have. But by the grace of God, I learned.
This is the introduction to our new series, 30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More. Please join us tomorrow as we jump into the practical side of enjoying your children more. Coming up, Day 2: Perspective.
Very very blessed as I am now very tired with the behavior of my children. I really liked it, hoping to become the best parent for my children. God bless all the parents and children of the world. Thank you
Truly enjoyed.
Truly enjoyed. Will check back in.
Thanks for stopping by, Brie.
I have so loved this series. Thank you for the time and energy you have put into writing it! I really feel that my mom’s Bible study group would be blessed by reading portions of this series. May I have your permission to use some of your work and words for a mom’s study?
You just blessed my socks off. I LOVE my boys (I have three, ages 4, 2, and 9 mo.) and, while I’ve often been told to enjoy them, and that housework can wait, I’ve never seen it put the way you did – “There is something other-worldly beautiful about a mother who delights in her children. It smacks of the self-sacrifice and unconditional love we hear so much about but rarely see. In that simple, flesh-defying act of enjoying her children, a mother demonstrates the very heart of God for His own.”
Not only is it okay to enjoy them – it is right and good. Thank you for re-affirming that for me in a difficult time.
Now I am a new grandma, I know! I know what it is to be a mum, I know what my parents went through when looking after children and grandchildren as well. Love gets you through it all. God bless you and your family!
Thank you for doing this! It’s exactly what I was looking for. It’s so easy to go onto the computer when you want some time, a bit of peace, for yourself. And then I feel guilty for doing it and realize that I’ve spent far too much time on the computer! Why do I get lost cleaning some virtual home (face book games) and not my own. And then when I’ve gotten off the computer, I’ve not only NOT spent time with my kids, but I’ve also NOT gotten any further ahead. I am speaking the truth which alot won’t, who spends hours on games like Farmville, The Ville, or Castleville etc….. or roaming facebook, its a time and soul zapper!!!! And what am I looking for? That’s the question isn’t it. I love my children and I spend time with them, but not nearly as much as I could if I didn’t feel so zapped of energy. What really spoke to me is when you said “who can enjoy a screaming 2 year old?” lol Just last night I was feeding her dinner and she was screaming at the top of her lungs, so I did it right back at her! I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but calmness and lovingness wasn’t working, so I screamed loudly right back at her (with love of course) lol, and it worked for the moment. Then I turned to my 12 year old, apologized and said I didn’t mean to scare her, but sometimes you grasp in the dark and hope that something works. We both laughed and carried on. I don’t know anyone with young children, I feel very alone sometimes as I am in my fourties. I am lucky in that I feel so grateful to have another child, when I didn’t think I could. Gratitude does envelope my heart and I do revel in stolen moments I get with my kids! I would just like to learn how to forget about the housework and just be with my kids. Sorry for the ramble… Can’t wait for more.
Thank you~ Chloe 🙂
This is touching! Thanks for sharing and reminding me of the joy of being a mom in the here and now.
This is such a timely series. So glad you’re doing it!
Thank you – you captured exactly how I feel. Beautifully written! Keep it coming!
Thank you, this was lovely. So true. And in a kind way appreciate the reminder to enjoy my children. Look forward to the next 29 days.
Mel
This is what every mother yearns to do. I think it’s why we fly off the handle sometimes because we are missing it. We cannot seem to understand how enjoying our children is more important than having the laundry done and buying them the perfect Christmas present (or as I type … making the perfect Christmas present :O). Our children love it, but it feeds us as well When we don’t take time to enjoy our children is when we begin to not like our job of being a mother. Definitley sharing this post!
Thank you. It is my birthday, so I am trying not to do too much housework. I am purposefully enjoying my kids more, and wondering why I don’t do this more often. It can be such a struggle!
As a young mother who is in the thick of it, this introduction spoke straight to my weary heart. Thank you. Looking forward to the rest of the series!
Love that you are so raw and real Kristen. When my kids were little everyone said they would grow up so fast. And it was sadly true, they did. While I really did enjoy them I too was close to a break down. Being a parent is the biggest challenge ever.
Totally. It’s one of those things, isn’t it? Like watching a car crash – we can see what’s happening and it’s still nigh on impossible to change course. But I’ll stick round – maybe you’ve some genius tips – kinda like parental ABS 🙂
Spot on! Looking forward to more…… prayers are with you as you write this blog of 30 days! Enjoy! : )
Love. Very helpful to me.
This is awesome !!!
I like it but it is pretty broad and general. Maybe a little more side notes or.. something to give it more”meat”!!!!!???????????? (hope this doesn’t offen you)
You are a terrific young mom and great thinker and god loving person. I agree we (mom’s) and our children are part of God and his good works. 🙂
No offense taken! This is just the introduction. The practical stuff starts tomorrow.
Awesome!
love it! I would think about perhaps putting some bible passages at the end and market it as a devotional
What?! You want the Bible too? Don’t worry. That starts tomorrow. Today was just the intro. Each day, as we discuss one practical way to enjoy our children more, I’ll include passages to read and ponder.
I’m looking forward to these practical ways you speak of! 🙂
Thank you for this great post! I have also had the same thoughts, of how I will look back at everything when I am older. And I want to know that I did what I recommend others to do… I want to be present and enjoy the days with my children when they are still young. I know I will miss it! 🙂