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Kristen Anne Glover

Five in Tow

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30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Harvest {Day 30}

The beginning is a great place to start!  Click here for Day 1.

The beginning is a great place to start! Click here for Day 1.

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to grow blackberries here.  They sprout up and creep out wherever any bird has dropped a seed.  The ditches are full of them, as are the hedgerows.  People spray them with weed killer and hire goats to eat them, but the blackberries can’t be beat.  They line every road and eat up tamed property until it’s turned wild again with thorny brambles and stone-hard green fruits.

But if the summer is warm and the fall dry, the berries on all these wild vines begin to swell and ripen until they drip down in inky clusters.  Everywhere, the air is heavy with the scent of sweet fruit and blackberry wine, and people come out with Tupperware bowls and empty ice cream buckets to forage for the makings of a pie.

My husband loves a good blackberry pie.  He starts thinking of blackberry pie around June when the brambles are in bloom and the neighbors are in full blackberry attack mode.  Mr. Greenlee is out in his yard with clippers and napalm, but Jeff is up on a ladder wearing leather gloves, carefully redirecting the willful vines through the evergreens so they’ll grow where the sun shines the brightest.  He cranes his neck when we drive past berry-laden ditches and silently makes a plan for September.

When the berries start to soften in the sun, I know there will be buckets stowed between the seats of the minivan “just in case,” and extra trips out to Jeff’s favorite berry-picking spot.  It’s right along a walking trail that follows a river past an eagle’s nest.  People come there every day to run or ride horses and to watch the osprey swoop down into the water for fish.  Sometimes there are otters or delightfully lazy snakes that slither slowly over the rocks and a boy who must remember that his mother doesn’t want him to pick blackberries with hands that stink of snake.

But rarely, very rarely, are there any other berry pickers.  We live in a place where “organic” is practically a religion and people pride themselves on eating local and composting the leftovers.  But berries?  Well, berries are just a pain to pick.

I thought about this one afternoon when Jeff led us on a berry-picking mission down the gravel path along the river.  The days had been particularly beautiful, warming the blackberries until they tasted like they’d been dipped in sugar.  But we’d already been out picking several times, and I had other things on my mind.  I did not feel like fighting the brambles and letting them claw through my jeans while I filled my bucket little by little with those frustratingly small berries.  It seemed like a waste of time, and I still had a few splinters from the last time we did it.

“It’s such a short season, Kristie,” Jeff said when he noticed my lack of enthusiasm.  “It could rain tomorrow and then it will all be over.”

It happened every year.  When the clouds in the forecast resulted in actual precipitation, the berries turned snowy with mold in a matter of hours, and that was the end of the blackberry picking.  We needed to take advantage of every sunny day that stretched into fall to fill up the buckets and gather in the harvest.

So I was silent and focused my attention on the task at hand.  Birds flew overhead, swooping bugs into their beaks, fattening up for the long flight south.  The kids chattered and hummed and filled themselves full of what was left of summer.  It was lovely, really.

Faith stood next to me, slowly picking berries, turning each one over and checking for bugs before putting it in her bucket.  “She is getting tall,” I thought.  Her tenth birthday was coming up, and I was having trouble getting my mind around it.  It’s such a short season, Kristie, I heard Jeff say, but he was far down the path with Jonathan, hacking down vines with a machete so the kids could pick the berries hiding underneath.

It’s such a short season.  It seemed to me he had said the same thing much earlier in my life, at a time when I thought my talents were better used on something other than parenting.  Foolishly, I thought God’s will for me was a little less…ordinary.  I had failed to see the shortness of the season and the richness of the fruit all around me.

I looked at Faith.  Her eyes are green, a little lighter than mine.  She smiled.  “You’re really good at picking berries, Mom,” she said.

I glanced down.  Without even realizing it, I had filled the better part of my bucket.

“I think that’s the best way to do it,” she continued.  “Just find a spot and start picking.  If you keep walking, looking for a better spot, well, first of all, you might get lost, and second of all, you won’t get very many berries.”

“I think you’re exactly right,” I said, wondering how my life would have been different if I applied that advice to other areas of my life.

“So I think it’s just best to sit right down, and don’t even worry about the ones you can’t reach.  If you can’t reach them, they’re not for you.”  She shrugged at the simplicity of the thought.

It was a hard truth to swallow.  The biggest and best berries were always just out of my reach, it seemed.  Other paths were more interesting and less full of briars and that’s why more people walked there.  That’s why I wanted to walk there.

It was foolish to sit down when the path kept on going, foolish to waste time picking berries and fighting brambles, foolish to embrace a task most people don’t want to do.  It was foolish, but it was also brave and wonderful and perfectly delightful.  Long after the vines have withered and the berries have gone, I will be enjoying the fruits of my labors.  Rich pies, cobblers and jams, and a freezer full of fruit to carry us through the winter and beyond—all because we stayed faithful to the task.  Long into winter and beyond, we will be enjoying the deep and satisfying harvest of a job well-done.

The season is short.  The work is hard.  But the result is worth it all.

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Micah enjoying the fruit of the season

Thank you for joining us for this series.  It has been a (busy) joy!

Fiction, Parenting 24 Comments

30 Days to Enjoying Your Children More: Unplug {Day 18}

Welcome to our series!  Find Day 1 here.

Welcome to our series! Find Day 1 here.

Last night, the kids and I lit the Christmas tree and turned off all the other lights in the house.  We gathered candles and lit them too—a half a dozen or so scattered around the living room like fireflies.  Faith and Jonathan brought two tall tapers to the table so we could have dinner in their hushed glow.

It was just the six of us, sometimes talking, sometimes silent, watching the flames and enjoying the comfort of sitting close and sharing a meal together.  My children’s eyes twinkled, full of the wonder of Christmas, the enchantment of the evening, and the expectation of good things to come.

“I want to pray,” Kya said, unexpectedly.  Micah’s warm little hand instinctively reached for mine and Paul put his hands over his eyes.  Kya prayed right in the middle of the meal, just because she thought of something to say to God that couldn’t wait.  “Thanks for making us,” she said.

It was a good prayer.

“I like this,” Jonathan said, nearly singeing his hair on the candle.  All the other children smiled and nodded.

“I’m going to have a candle collection when I grow up,” Faith mused.

I watched her playing with the wax as it pooled up on the pewter candlestick like a glop of warm jam, and I was awed into silence.  It takes so little to be happy.  Sometimes, all it takes is a little quiet to let your ears hear what your heart is trying to speak.

But our world is far from silent.  It has become ever louder with each passing generation until it seems that there is not a single place on this earth where the noise has not permeated.   The average American spends nearly 5 hours a day watching television, two hours a day online, and at least an hour a day staring at a cell phone screen.  Sixty-six percent of all American homes have three or more televisions, and seven out of ten homes keep the TV on during dinner.   Most families have the TV on all the time, whether they are watching it or not.

There is no silence.

Our attentions are so divided, most of us multitask our media, watching TV and surfing the internet at the same time, listening to music while texting a friend and playing a Facebook game.  It is no wonder we don’t enjoy our children.  They are just another part of the noise.

Perhaps it’s time we unplug. 

A few years ago, I made the decision to keep the TV off if my kids were awake.  It was my habit to wake up and turn on the morning news shows.  But I had become increasingly more aware of the fact that my children were watching what was on the screen.  The programming, including scary news clips, was not meant for children.  Neither were the commercials, which often sold products and services using very adult situations.

It was not an easy break.  I missed it at first.  But I reminded myself of this: no one ever got to the end of her life and said, “I wish I’d watched more TV.”  I will not wish I’d sat on a couch more and stared at a box longer.  No, I will wish I had lived my life more fully than that.

I am far from being free from the noise, however.  My children will tell you that while I don’t watch TV, and I don’t own a cell phone, I do spend far too much of my day plunking away at my laptop.  They know that if I am staring at the screen, they might have to ask a question two or three times before I hear them.  Faith says, “Don’t you know Mommy’s in her computer trance?”

If I am not careful, I allow myself to engage more with my computer than I do with my children.  I become frustrated because they are making noise and I can’t concentrate.  I yell at them to stop arguing instead of getting up and going downstairs to see what’s wrong.  I become annoyed when they need something from me because I am trying to work.  I fill up my lap with a laptop instead of a child.

Have I really done anything better than what I was doing before?  Of course not.

Enjoying my children means I must give them my full attention because I enjoy my children more when I am fully present, when they have both my ears, both my eyes, and my undivided delight.  I enjoy them more when I am not attempting to multi-task my thoughts and my affections.

To do this, I must turn off the media.  I have to keep the TV off, limit the times when I work or play on my computer, and let the phone go to voicemail.

Then, in the quiet, I can connect with my children.  That means that when they are talking to me, I respond with my eyes.  I watch their faces, not a screen.  I listen with my ears to their voices, not to the TV or the music, and not texting someone at the same time.  I answer with real words, not “Uh-huh.”

It is such a simple but profound difference.   Your children know when you are not engaging with them.  They can tell.  That’s why they pat your arm and say your name over and over again when you’re busy doing something else.  They want to know you are really there.  They have learned that often, you are not.

Your children want all of you in their moment. 

Unplug.  Let the phone ring.  Just because you have it with you does not mean it needs to control you.  Let the texts go unanswered.  Let Facebook update itself.  Be unavailable today to the distractions of a noisy world and engage the people you really care about.

Today, make it a point to connect with your children in the quiet.

Unplug

Unplug

Join us tomorrow for Day 19: Rest

For further thought:

1) Matthew 6:24 and Luke 16:13 talk about how we cannot serve two masters.  We are unable to divide our affections.  In the context, money is the second master, but anything can take God’s place in our hearts, including media.  Does your media usage reflect the fact that you are trying to serve two masters?  How is that working in your home?

2) Most people are familiar with the phrase, “A house divided cannot stand.”  How is dividing your attention destructive to your family?  How is it counterproductive to fill your home with sounds and images that do not reflect what you say you believe?

3) Today, keep track of how often you put your children second to media.  Sometimes, it is appropriate to make them wait, but often it is not.  Evaluate yourself.  Are your affections divided?  Are you too plugged in to a device and not as plugged in to your children as you need to be?  What changes can you  make to correct this problem?

Fiction, Parenting 11 Comments

We Are, All of Us, Americans

I remember the flags, the flags flying at half-staff in almost every yard in Wenham, flags carefully hung up on the sides of houses or draped sorrowfully over white-railed porches.  Flags flew from the backs of pickups, and children stuck them in their backpacks and taped them to the mailboxes.  When the hardware stores and shopping malls sold out of their summer supply of flags, people made their own.

It was almost a compulsion, this need to fly a flag in the days that followed 9/11.  We needed to identify with the victims and their families, to stand with this violated country, our country, and to proclaim with vehemence, “We are, all of us, Americans.”

An attack on any one of us is an attack on us all.  We crouched in our living rooms, huddled around our TVs, watching the horror of innocence lost, and wondered how such an evil could come into our own harbor.  How dare they step onto this soil where so much blood was shed in the name of freedom.  How dare they try to control us with fear.

We flew our flags in defiance to tyranny and we proclaimed, “We are, all of us, Americans, and we will never again bow to fear.”

Nearly a year after 9/11, I stood in the sweltering heat and looked down at the gaping wound where two buildings once stood.  The streets had been cleared of debris but plywood boards still covered the broken out windows of the buildings surrounding the Twin Towers.  It was still so fresh, still so agonizing, even though so many months had passed.  Up above me, the neighboring buildings stood like empty sentinels, marked with shrapnel from the shattered buildings.  They would never be the same.

But someone had draped those ragged walls with flags, and as we came from all across the country to look at what our minds could not comprehend, we stood under those flags and felt a certain sense of solidarity.  We are, all of us, Americans.

Today, Ground Zero is a memorial, and 9/11 is a day of remembrance.  Flags are flying on my street, and I am telling my children.  Each one of us has a story of where we were on that day.  Each of us has a memory that will stay with us forever.

We are, all of us, Americans, and we will never forget.

Fiction 5 Comments

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I believe you can find grace for the mother you are and help to become the mother you long to be—a mom who has the freedom to choose the better things and enjoy her kids right now.

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