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A Zero-Budget Christmas: The Gift Conversation

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 8: How to have that awkward gift conversation

Christmas rushes in this week, ready or not. You might think it’s too late to think about a Zero-Budget Christmas—you just need to get the gifts and get it done! But this last post in the series is meant to help you make the changes you need to make to give thoughtfully for years to come. In other words, I’m going to help you have that awkward gift conversation.

As we said in the previous post, most of us give presents to more people than we should. Our resources are limited, but because our hearts (or our guilt) are big, we end up overextending our budget, only to regret it later. That cycle continues year after year after year because we don’t stop and make the decisions we need to make to regain control over our holiday budgets. Cutting people off our gift-giving list feels very uncomfortable.

But if you are spending more than you should on gifts each year, you have the perfect opportunity this week to make some changes in a loving way.

Many of us will be spending time with loved ones over Christmas, or chatting on the phone. This is the time to have a gift conversation about next year. And it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable and awkward at all, as long as you are prepared.

But before you pick up the phone and tell your sister you’re not buying gifts for her kids anymore, take some time to evaluate. Think about all the purchases you’ve made in the last month, and all those you feel you still have to make. Are you satisfied with the way you gifted this year? Which gifts do you already regret purchasing? Did you make any purchases out of obligation? Are there people on your gift-giving list that you would stop buying for if you weren’t concerned about offending them?

Now, make a list of giving priorities from greater to least. I have created this gift-giving worksheet to help you out. Simply click and print!

Here’s the important part: go through the list and cross off any names/events you can simply do away with. That office Christmas party? If it’s at the bottom of the list and you begrudge the fact that you have to come up with a $10 gift to bring each year, decide now that you simply won’t participate again. Cross it off; it’s gone.

Next, circle the names you’d like to eliminate from your list after you have a gift conversation with that person. If you’ve been in the habit of exchanging gifts with someone, don’t just stop giving. The dialogue is important. More on that in a minute.

Finally, underline the names you’d like to continue to gift to, but perhaps in a different way. That might mean choosing to spend less on that person in the future, or simply choosing to make her gifts from now on. Write down the changes you’d like to make, and get ready to have a conversation with that person if you think the change will be noticeable or needs their cooperation (like choosing to do an activity together rather than exchanging gifts).

Now, it’s time to have a conversation about gift-giving with those you love. Does the very idea make your heart race? Take a deep breath. The next section can help.

Awkward conversation about gifts

First, remember it’s a conversation, not a monologue. Go in with a heart to listen and love your people well. This is important because different people interpret gift-giving in different ways. For some, it’s a deeply meaningful act of love. For others, it’s just a nice thing to do. Gifts might mean little to you, but listen for the possibility that your loved one might feel differently, and respond accordingly.

Second, consider the timing. Wait until after this year’s presents are exchanged, or it will put a damper on the festivities. This year’s gifts have already been purchased. Enjoy them.

Later, you can start the conversation by saying something like this, “I really appreciate all the wonderful gifts you have given me this year, and I’ve truly enjoyed choosing gifts for you, but I have been thinking that it might be time to try something different next year because…..”

Third, don’t skip the because. State your reasons clearly but lovingly. If your budget is tight, say so. If you’d like to have a less materialistic holiday, say that.

The why helps contextualize and validate your proposed changes. Even if your loved ones disagree, at least they will understand your concerns and, hopefully, will communicate theirs. Who knows? Your Great Aunt Susie may feel the exact same way but has been afraid she’ll offend you. You won’t know until you speak up.

Fourth, offer compromises. If you would like to do away with an exchange of gifts, but the other party does not, be prepared to offer some alternatives. We’ve gone over a few of them in the series already, but here are a few ideas to jog your memory:

Draw names to lessen the amount of gifts each person needs to purchase
Suggest family gifts over individual gifts
Propose an event or experience over a gift-exchange
Challenge everyone to give homemade gifts next year
Sponsor a child or support a charity as a family

Finally, remember that your relationships are always more important than any gift-giving disagreements. Always.

who to buy gifts for

If your loved ones simply can’t bear to change the way things have always been done, then let it go. Just don’t be pressured into spending more than you can afford. Do the other things we’ve talked about in this series, even if your recipients don’t go along. Put systems in place to create some Christmas capital for next year, plan to make your gifts, and stock your gift closet whenever you find a great sale.

Then, enjoy giving thoughtfully, knowing you have lived within your means while loving others well. That’s what a Zero-Budget Christmas is all about.

*To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.

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A Zero-Budget Christmas: Thoughtful Gift Ideas

Zero-Budget Christmas

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 7: Thoughtful gift ideas for your entire tribe

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you only had to think about Christmas gifts for one or two people? You could focus more time, attention, and resources on giving thoughtfully to those you care about the most.

But most of us have Christmas shopping lists that include family, friends, the kids’ teachers and coaches, employees or clients, the random gift exchange at the office and the ornament exchange at church and…and…and…pretty soon our Christmas budget has flitted away, $10 at a time.

In this part of our Zero-Budget Christmas series, we’ll be tackling that giant gift-giving list. How can you give thoughtfully when your list is bigger than your budget?

First, pare down your shopping list. Most of us buy gifts for too many people. Take an honest look at your gift list and carefully consider eliminating your spending on any recipients who are there because of obligation. If you do not want to give a gift to someone, chances are, you shouldn’t.

Consider also eliminating obligatory spending at social events. Those “bring a $10 gift to exchange” events really add up, especially if you have kids who are asked to bring gifts to their events. The great thing is, you do not have to participate! You don’t need another random $10 item in your house, and neither do they. So, stir the punch but sit the gift exchange out.

However, if paring down your shopping list is not an option, use some of the strategies we’ve already talked about in this series to do it on a zero-budget. Need more ideas? Read on.

Give an experience. If you normally buy for lots of relatives, why not organize a family event instead? This can be as simple or elaborate as you desire—anything from ice skating to a weekend away. The beauty of this plan is that no one has to purchase gifts for each other. The entire family decides, instead, to use their dollars to spend the day together making memories. Everyone pays his or her own way, which makes it do-able for everyone.

Give thoughtfully

Give time. Time is our most precious commodity, and yet the most underutilized! A gift of time can be whatever your recipient needs it to be. That is the key—think about a way you can bless the recipient. You can give an afternoon of helping her organize her cupboards, doing fix-it projects around the house, babysitting the kiddos, or planting flowers. Tell Dad you’ll power wash the deck or deep-clean the garage. It doesn’t matter what you do, the gift of time is ageless, free, and eternally significant. Plus, it equally benefits both the giver and the recipient because you get to be together.

Give an heirloom. One year, my grandmother gave each of my girl cousins and me a piece of hand-painted china that had been her mother’s. It was profoundly special to receive a gift that was a part of my family history, especially since I had my grandma right there to tell me all about it. It was so much more meaningful to receive a family treasure with a story than a trinket of little lasting value.

So often, family heirlooms are divided up after our loved ones are gone. I remember going through my great-grandmother’s attic with all of my distant aunts and uncles and cousins, putting her things in piles for everyone to take home. How much nicer it would have been if she had been able to give those things away to each one of us herself.

We all have meaningful things we can begin to give now. I have rings I plan to give to each of my daughters when they turn 18. My husband has been parsing out his knife collection to our nephews and boys as soon as they are old enough to care for them. Of course, these things have value, but they are even more significant because of the story, and choosing to give those things away while we’re still alive means we can share the story–not just the thing–with another generation.

Give thoughtfully for less

Give words. My elderly neighbor took the time one year to write down her life story, from living in Norway during the German occupation to the sudden death of her young husband. She included family pictures with notes under each one, bound it, and gave it to her grandson.

She gave a copy to us, too, and it is one of our most treasured possessions.

Even if you are not a writer or do not have the time to pen your entire life story, you can give the gift of words. Simply take the time to write a special letter to each of your children, siblings, parents, or anyone who is important to you. Tell that person how you feel about them, and why. That will be the gift they treasure forever.

Give to something bigger. Maybe your budget doesn’t stretch very far in this country, but in most of the rest of the world, your money is life. $25 in the United States buys a trinket someone doesn’t want or need. But $25 in Africa feeds a street mother and her children for a month.

Photo Credit: Mercy House Global

This year, make your budget work harder by giving to an organization that provides help and hope to people in need.

After you’ve donated, simply make a card for each person on your gift list telling them that a contribution was made on his or her behalf to the organization you have chosen. You don’t need to list the amount, but you might want to share a little bit about the people their gift has helped.

You can donate any amount in lieu of purchasing gifts and that money will work harder and do more good than anything you could buy with it in our country.

It would be impossible to list all the wonderful organizations you could support, but one of my favorites is Mercy House Global. Rather than just giving charity, they rescue pregnant and very young mothers and teach them a skill so these women can have the dignity of providing for their children on their own.

You can donate to Mercy House or go the extra mile and purchase the hand goods these women have made directly from their store. Either way, women and children are rescued and given new hope because of your gift.

Anyone on your list would be thrilled to be a part of something like that, even though you did it on a (nearly) zero-budget.

Photo credit: Mercy House Global

*To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.

A Zero-Budget Christmas: Buying Second-hand

Zero-Budget Christmas

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 5: Shopping Second-hand

(or Kids’ Edition, Part 2)

In the early years, when we were growing our family, finishing degrees, and working lots of jobs for little pay, second-hand items saved my Christmases.

It was during those years I learned that a gift does not have to brand new to be thoughtful and delightful.

If you’ve been following along with our Zero-Budget Christmas series from the beginning, you will not be surprised to find out that for most of our marriage, nearly all of the presents we gave in our home were not purchased new.

To this day, one of the ways I make Christmas work is by embracing the idea of “new to you.”

“New to you” items are not purchased brand-new, but they are new to the recipient. They are things that delight the receiver but would be unattainable for the giver if purchased brand-new. This can include absolutely anything: toys, clothes, books, sporting goods, electronics—anything you can purchase new, you can find gently used.

The benefits of embracing a “new-to-you” gift-giving philosophy are numerous. First, this concept allows you to give thoughtfully and even lavishly on a zero-budget. That’s because the brand-new value that is assigned to an item by a marketer is paid for by the first buyer. The second buyer gets the same item without having to pay for the privilege of taking it out of the box.

Second, focusing on new-to-you breaks the cycle of disposable consumerism. We are a throw-away culture. If a child is tired of a toy, or the teen doesn’t like that new shirt, or Grandma gives the kids a stack of books they have no intention of reading, those things show up at the thrift store.

That means that many nearly brand-new items are available for pennies on the dollar because someone got bored of them, the item wasn’t quite “right,” or it was never wanted in the first place. Buying second-hand looks for the value beyond the box.

When we shop and give this way, we teach our children that the price tag and the flashy packaging is not what matters. It’s the value that remains after those things are gone that counts. If children can learn that during their early years, they will be much wiser consumers later in life.

Third, if you’re a mama of little ones, buying new-to-you is the most brilliant thing you can do because most of the time, those gifts come unwrapped and pre-assembled! Can I get a “Hallelujah!” for not needing a screwdriver, pliers, a sturdy scissors, or a chainsaw on Christmas morning to get your two-year-old’s dump truck out of the box. Amen!

Many parents take gifts out of the packaging before wrapping them for this very reason. Well, if this is your habit, let me tell you: your child will not know if you unwrapped a new present or gave them a new-to-them present, and they won’t care. They’ll just be delighted with the gift.

New to you

So, are you ready to get started? If you’re not currently a thrifty shopper, or even if you are, here are some ways to find the gifts your family needs, second-hand:

Shopping new-to-you requires a little more planning than retail shopping because you can’t control what you’ll find. I keep a running list of ideas for each child, and because we only purchase one or two “want” gifts each year, that keeps my options open.

If you’re on zero-budget, don’t settle for retail thrift store prices. Watch for sales! Savers (or Value Village, depending on region), Goodwill, and many other franchises will have 50% off days or other promotions. I keep a running list of the things my kids need and wait for a sale. Many stores will also give coupons if you donate, so be sure to ask.

Check out independent thrift stores, like those run by churches. In my experience, these stores have better prices, more helpful staff, and are generally cleaner and better organized than the chain stores.

Thred Up and other online clothing consignment shops allow you to search for specific brands, sizes, and even quality. You can search “New with Tags” to find amazing deals. These stores tend to be pricier than brick-and-mortar thrift stores, but they also have better, more consistent inventory. Plus, the convenience of a search feature when shopping for clothing cannot be underestimated. If you do not have an account with Thred Up, use this link to get $10 off your first order. Sign up for their e-mail list and you’ll also get a discount code for a percentage off. As we have already mentioned, you can even donate to earn credit for purchases.

Host a gift-swap. Get your friends together and have everyone bring their gently used toys, books, clothes, and giftables to swap. Fuel the fun with cookies and cocoa and barter away. Everyone will exchange used toys with “new-to-you” gifts to give–truly a zero-budget option.

Put out an SOS on social media. This is one of the best ways to find specific gifts at a great price. If you have a child who loves American Girl dolls, Thomas trains, electronics, or anything with a name brand, ask your village! Need electronics for your teen? Ask the people you know and trust. You’d be surprised at what people are just getting ready to upgrade or have sitting around. They will willingly and reasonably sell or even give their stuff to you so they don’t have to bother with finding another taker.

buying second-hand toys

Search Craigslist and Ebay for specific things like sporting goods or brand-name toys. Craigslist has been a better source for second-hand items for me than Ebay, since many professional Ebay sellers keep prices just as high (and often higher) than you can find retail. But Ebay is still the source for collectibles, retired toys, or limited editions, and it comes with certain buyer protections, which Craigslist does not have.

Search for local sales pages on social media, and join! Many towns, cities, and community groups have sales pages. If you don’t see something you’re looking for, ask! You may even be able to arrange delivery for large items.

Have you implemented a new-to-you Christmas gift-giving strategy in your home? I’d love to hear what has worked for you so we can be a little more savvy this year. Tell us in the comments!

*To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.