Dear Martha,
Thank you for your generous magazine subscription offer. “Free” is one of my favorite words these days, and I’m a huge fan. Really. I have a stack of your past work and I look at it sometimes when I need to know how to choose a ripe kumquat or draw a mural on my staircase.
Unfortunately, I will have to decline your offer. While it’s wonderful to know that macramé is not a lost art and someone besides my uncle has a swizzle stick collection, I find your magazine does not have what I need.
I do not need to know how to raise prize-winning ducks or how to care for mohair. I do not need to know how to identify marks on silver (we’re pretty much a Rubbermaid and Pyrex kind of family) and I certainly do not need to know how to indulge myself with a perfect manicure, even though you would be appalled at the state of my cuticles.
What I need is to know how to be satisfied with what I have.
I need to know how to give my attention fully to my children.
I need to know how to get juice out of carpet. Maybe you covered that one.
Don’t get me wrong. I love what you do. In fact, that’s the problem. I love the excellence with which you pursue your craft and the beauty you dangle before my eyes, so much so that I could easily lose myself in it. I could bow down to your hospital corners and perfectly organized sock drawers. I could pursue that kind of excellence without a backward glance.
You see, Martha, all that beauty demands a response, and I have a hard time responding rightly. I see what you have and I want it. It’s a little escape, a little dream, a little distance from my reality, which is a lot messier than yours. You probably don’t have sippy cups fall on you when you open your cupboard doors, but I do. You probably don’t have mismatched quilts on the kids’ beds, but I do. You probably don’t even know what a mess Silly Putty can make on couch cushions, but I do.
And it’s taken me longer than I care to admit to be okay with that. It’s taken me longer than I care to admit to realize that my kids do not need they kind of mom who buys in to what you offer. They do not need a mantel full of hand-flocked Easter bunnies or made-from-scratch Twinkies. They need me. They need me present, undistracted, and humble enough to not chase after every “good thing” that graces your glossy pages.
There will be a time, I’m sure, when the grandkids come to visit and I will awe them with gingerbread cathedrals and homemade snow globes. But these kids, my kids, don’t need more picture-perfect magical moments that come at the cost of a too-stressed mom who loves perfection more than reality.
They need this mom, their mom, to spend more time pleasing them than you. They need this mom, their mom, to be in this thing 100%. And that’s not something you can help me with.
So, with all due respect, I think your free magazine is still a little too rich for my blood. It’s just not worth the cost.
Yours affectionately,
Kristen
Kristen, I just found this today, and beautifully timed. On my Facebook feed there are so many articles popping up that kids today are so spoiled and don’t know how to really live. I needed this article of yours. You nailed it. We are so caught up in being perfect that it does spill over to our kids. I am coming to the realization that I need to embrace the chaos and not reach for unrealistic perfection. Thank you.
This reminds me of a post I wrote about her over a year ago. (http://laughedandlaughed.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/you-get-what-you-dont-pay-for/) The perfection is so enticing, and debilitating. Thank you for putting beautifully the stab I was trying to make with humor.
Love. Love, love, love. As I pondered and stressed over homemade Valentine’s for 3 kids classes (44 en total!) I realized they didn’t need a stressed mommy who needed to squeeze in one more tip to Michael’s just to seem like the perfect mommy. They needed me to just sit and chat with them about love while writing their names. Got that inspiration after reading this. Thank you…as always!
Thank you for the reminder… what a gracious way to put it! This piece of work I will definitely be subscribing to “free of charge” because you reminded me that my son wants ME and I want HIM. Not perfection… just the pure, sweet, beautiful messiness of an imperfect love 🙂 Thanks!
Love.
I agree wholeheartedly!!!! I had subscribed to a magazine of hers called “Food” for your mom and Aunt Lynn. It was a great magazine of which almost 100% was recipes. Then they discontinued printing that and substituted her “Living” magazine. I was frustrated and disappointed!!!!!
Love your words here! My mother is a Martha Stewart-sh crafter/decorator/cook. She is very generous with her talent and I have certainly been the recipient of many of her efforts, but I do remember many times when I would rather have had less “fuss” and more “mom” — even still today. Her creativity is a gift to be sure, and she uses it to serve others many times. However, I did not inherit that creativity and often times feel a bit below par because of that. But I am happy with our simple home and rather like our no fuss approach to things. And you’re right, my kids don’t need all the fuss – they just need a happy home.
We had some good laughs to start our day. So enjoy you creative writing.
AMEN! I have made several plaques for people saying “Marthe Doesn’t Live Here”. One was for a lady whose mother was obsessed with Martha. She critiqued her daughters (beautiful) home every time she walked in the door. She had me make the plaque for her front door – hoping her Mom would get the hint. That year, for Thanksgiving, the Mom tried something that involved dried flowers and potpouri and the light fixture above the dining room table. Everyone “oohed and awed” and during dinner – the decorations caught on fire! The Mom was devastated, but the daughter thought it was the best Thanksgiving ever.
Kristen, I loved your mom’s comments. :>) Bravo, girl, on this “muse”! You did good.
Thank you! It was a fun change of pace. I haven’t written much “funny” stuff lately, and I miss it.
Kristen, I loved your mom’s comments. :>) Bravo, girl, for this one!
Just so you know – your children will not have hand-made snow globes or gingerbread cathedrals when they come to visit this grandma! But we’ll have a blast being together, playing, telling stories and just getting to spend time together! With lots of hugs and laughter! 🙂
Aw man! I was really counting on you making the snow globes so I could frost St. John’s.
Still looking forward to when you write your book! Love your muses!
Do you know that Ms. Stewart’s daughter wouldn’t let her mom near her wedding planning? Her daughter had a show that made fun of her mother? You are walking the right path, my friend. She has a lot of earthly treasures but you are storing your treasures in heaven.
The wife has one of those magazines laying around where I like to do my best thinking (I’ll spare you more than that) so I perused it a bit. One of the articles was about how she enjoys her new greenhouse and how we too could do so. Uh, no ma’am, we could not afford that thing that you have that is larger and more elaborate than our house is, but thanks.
Does her greenhouse come in a box from Walmart? That’s about my level right now!
Lol, Walmart…yikes. That big gal on the Foodnetwork is almost as bad, the one with the effeminate husband named Jeffery. Ina Garten is her name! She was cooking a meal for several gay men who did various things for her like cut her hair, bring her flowers and one guy was even building her barn. Apparently, the gay, male work force in the Hamptons is flourishing and plentiful. I’ll leave you be now, I promise.
Oh my, Kristie! Did you get in my head? I have been thinking along the same lines lately about pinterest and what others pin. i have been slowly “unfollowing” people because of this fact. I know my house will NEVER be so perfect that you could eat off the floor (though we do anyway..why waste a perfectly good m&m?). I realized that looking at the beauty of what others stage and consider to be perfect was distracting me and causing dissatisfaction.
Thank you!
I think we’re still synched up from all those late-night study sessions. 🙂
Ditto to too much Pinterest!
Yes, I should send the same letter on to them. 🙂
I was just going to say that!
Love this!
Amen
My exact sentiments!
Loved this!! Thank you for the good read 🙂