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Kristen Anne Glover

Five in Tow

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Don’t Rush the Season

Beauty in the season

It is October, which means my son has been working on his Christmas list for a few weeks already.  He began the rough draft on April 12, when the buzz from the birthday cake wore off and he realized he still didn’t own a BB gun or a boa constrictor.

“Jonathan,” I said to him when he presented me with his working list, “it’s only October.  There are pumpkins and leaf piles to enjoy, and you’re thinking about Christmas!  Don’t rush the season.”

But at eight years old, it’s hard to be happy with pumpkins when Christmas is just around the corner.   In fact, it’s hard to be eight when it would be much neater to be ten.  It’s hard to be content with riding bikes and shooting Nerf guns when it would be so much more awesome to drive a car and shoot a rifle.

It is in our nature to be discontent with where we are, and ever to wander ahead of where we should be.  In our striving to be somewhere we are not, we trade the beauty of the moment for a restless kind of rushing toward a place that may very well come, soon enough.

I have made the same mistake in my journey as a mother, more times than I care to admit.  It seemed I was always pressing hard toward the next stage.  I longed for my newborn to sleep through the night, for my six-month-old to sit up on her own, for my one-year-old to feed himself.  I longed for my husband to have a stable job and or our income to be sufficient for our needs.  I longed for a home I could call mine, and for the freedom that came with having older children.

I wish someone had told me, Don’t rush the season.

Maybe then I wouldn’t have struggled to potty-train a child who seemed to be ready, but wasn’t.  I would not have attempted to take newborn twins on a family vacation.  I would not have missed the blessings in the lean times or refused to grow in the places where God had so obviously placed me.  I would not have been jealous of a season that had not yet come.

Everything is beautiful in its time

Every season has a beauty and a difficulty all its own.  It is not always easy to walk through a valley of longing or grief.  Most of us do not relish the uncertain times when jobs are lost or children are ill.  We might struggle against the endless afternoons when our children are small and not easily occupied and it seems like we are wasting ourselves on the mundane tasks of changing diapers and sweeping up Cheerios.

But even the difficult seasons serve a purpose.  When my husband and I were in seminary, we were dead broke.  It was Christmas, and the only presents I could afford were those from a little shop on campus where students could give away unwanted items for other students to take.  I had found some free toys and books for our daughter and wrapped them up.  Even though she was not old enough to care, it grieved my heart that I could not give her a real gift.  I worried about how we were going to pay our rent and felt guilty every time I bought groceries.

One day, when I was feeling particularly pouty because I had to take an extra cleaning job in order to make ends meet, we came home to find an envelope stuffed under our apartment door.  It contained $200 in cash.  Tears of gratitude and shame filled my eyes.  I knew this was a season of growth, but I had been too busy complaining to be concerned about growth.  I had been too busy longing for what we did not yet have to realize that we had something now that we would never have again.

At no other season in my life could $200 mean so much to me.  At no other season in my life could I learn humility and gratitude from having to give used gifts as presents.   At no other season in my life could I have nothing and everything all at once.

If I had gotten my way, I would have missed it.  If I had gotten my way, I would have pushed passed the struggle in my desire to get to the easier years to come.  That envelope was like the voice of God shouting at me, Don’t rush the season.

A time for every purpose under heaven

Our family has come to another season of uncertainty.  We do not know where the path will lead.  After December 15th, when my husband’s military orders end, we will be without full-time employment.  It is scary, to be sure, but I have found a certain rest and contentment in this period of waiting and trusting.  I am not always patient.  Sometimes, I worry and long for answers.

But by God’s grace, I have also been able to see the beauty in this season.  This is the hard place that lets us see the hand of God.  This is the place where doors open, not because I pushed, but because He turned the handle.  When it is over, I will be thankful.  But for now, I am appreciating the purpose and significance  of this time.

This time, I am not rushing the season.

 

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—

A time to give birth and a time to die;

A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;

A time for war and a time for peace…He has made everything appropriate in its time.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11a

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Odor and Other Potent Stuff

Reasonably cool socks

 

The odor was pervasive.  It wafted through the room, drifting up over the book I was reading to the children.  It obscured my senses until I could no longer concentrate on the printed words.

“What is that smell?” I asked the kids.

“I don’t know,” Faith said.  “It’s awful.”

“I don’t smell anything,” Jonathan shrugged.

But there was definitely something to smell.  “Did anybody step in something outside?” I questioned.

“No,” came the unanimous reply.

“It smells rotten.”

“It smells poopy.”

“It smells dead.”

We looked behind the couch.  We looked under the love seat.  We checked behind the ficus tree where the cat sometimes leaves us signs of his cooling affection.

“Hum.  I don’t smell anything,” Jonathan said again.

“Jonathan, you don’t smell anything because it’s coming from you!” Faith exclaimed.  She leaned over and sniffed the air around him.  “Oh!  It’s your feet!”

“Jonathan, is that awful smell coming from your feet?”  I looked down at his socks.  “Did you step in something?”

“No.”

I looked closer.  I couldn’t see any dirt because his socks were black, but the scent was unmistakably corpse-like.   How could he trample on a dead body and not know it?  “When was the last time you changed your socks?” I demanded.

“Uh…”

“Jonathan!”

“I mean…”

“Jonathan, you have to change your socks every day.  It’s like underwear.  If you don’t remember, then it’s definitely been too long.”

“But Mom, I only have one pair of socks!” he moaned.

“What?  No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.  All my other socks are getting holes.  Remember?  I told you that.”

A little sticky-note in the back of my brain seemed to corroborate his story: “Jonathan needs new socks.”

Bother.

I’m not good at remembering the little things, like brushing hair and clipping toenails.  I usually only think of such things when we’re all sitting together in church and I notice with horror that my daughter has enough dirt under her nails to qualify for a farm subsidy.

“Well, listen,” I said, trying to distract him from my obvious oversight.  “Take off those socks and put them directly into the washing machine because there is no way I’m touching those with my bare hands.  Then wash your feet.  And your hands.  With soap.  Lots of soap.”  I threw in that last part because it sounded like the responsible thing to do under the circumstances, and I was suddenly interested in being more responsible.

Jonathan came back with clean feet and a much fresher smell.  Together, we investigated his sock drawer.  Besides a dozen rocks, two pocket knives and a wad of rubber bands, we found three pairs of hole-free socks.   Whew.  Probably I wasn’t the most neglectful mother on the planet.  Probably.

Still, I was going to have to buy him new socks.  A child who owns only four pairs of socks means a mother who is going to have to do laundry, well, way more often than I do.

That week, I showed up at the department store with a $10 merchandise coupon I’d gotten in the mail.  I went in with the singular purpose of getting that kid some socks.  I did not even look at the cute fall blouses or the shoes…dang, there are some cute shoes…but went directly to the boys’ section.

They were having some obscure BOGO 50% off sale, which meant I had to do math right in the middle of the day in order to figure out which package of socks was the best deal.  I wanted cool socks, the more the better, but not Tony-Hawk-cool.  I mean, really.  I was not about to pay an extra $5 a package—wait, make that $2.50 a package—to have “Hawk” written on the bottom of his feet.   I settled for some sturdy-looking Gold Toe socks with charcoal heels.  Cool enough.

That night, when Jonathan got home from a day at Nana’s house, I told him, “You have a surprise up on your bed.”

“What is it?” he gasped and ran upstairs like it was Christmas.  Probably I shouldn’t have used the word “surprise” in reference to socks.  Probably.

I was kind of surprised when I heard him squeal.  “New socks!  Wow!  Thank you, Mom!  Thank you!”  Jonathan clipped off the tag and put them on immediately.   “Faith, Kya, boys, look!  New socks!  Aren’t they cool?”

“Yeah, weawy, weawy cool,” Micah agreed, hands in his pockets like he was the ultimate authority on cool.

“Look, I can slip across the floor!  Whoa!  These are the best slipping socks!”

The other kids writhed with envy.  “How many socks did you get me, Mom?”  Jonathan asked, noticing their agony.

“You have eight new pairs.”

“Oh!  Can the other kids try them on?”

“Sure!”

A cheer went up as Jonathan passed out socks for everyone.  They all evaluated the slippery-factor for themselves, which, scientifically speaking, can only be measured in contusions, head-on collisions and possible concussions.  Turns out, these were really great socks.

Soon it was time for bed.  The socks had to go away, but I heard Jonathan babbling on about them when he was supposed to be brushing his teeth.

My goodness, I thought, they’re just socks.  I mean, I kind of owed him socks, being his mother and all.  And they weren’t even special Tony Hawk socks.  They were just plain, practical mom-socks.

But Jonathan delighted in those ordinary socks.  His gratitude was powerful and infectious.  It transformed our home as night crept in.  Where there may have been squabbles and bedtime drudgery, there was happiness.  Where there might have been sibling envy and strife, there was appreciation and selfless sharing.

Odor-free and happy

It gave me pause to think, and I realized gratitude is potent stuff.

It has the power to see the hand of God in the ordinary, the breath of the holy in the daily bread.  It lifts our eyes off the dirt and ground from which we were made and turns them up to heaven where we belong.  Gratitude reminds us that we are always and ever the recipients of many good gifts, sprinkled liberally into our lives by the very fingertips of God.

Most of the gifts are ordinary.  Mundane.  Even expected, like a package of plain white socks.  But gratitude awakens us to the evidence of the Divine in our lives.  Suddenly, even difficult situations or frustrations give way to thanksgiving.  A traffic jam reminds us that we have a car and a job.  A cold reminds us that we are most often healthy.  A mortgage payment reminds us that we have a home.  Is there anything I have that God has not given?

When I let gratitude reign, I find I have no room for rights.  Gratitude knows I don’t deserve most of what I demand, and my perspective shifts from my lack to my abundance.  I find myself grateful for the simple things like fresh-picked grapes from our arbor, a beautiful harvest moon, and a chance to talk to my husband who is far from home.  If I think about it, I could probably even be thankful for the odiferous socks that started it all.  Probably.

 

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth!

Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. 

Know that the Lord is God. 

It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;

Give thanks to him and praise his name!

  For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

His faithfulness continues through all generations.  —Psalm 100

 

Humor 16 Comments

Shock

Humor, Parenting 6 Comments

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I believe you can find grace for the mother you are and help to become the mother you long to be—a mom who has the freedom to choose the better things and enjoy her kids right now.

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