I like to hold secrets, good secrets, the kind that make eyes kind and lips turn up into smiles, the kind that can’t stay hidden because they’re too good not to share. Sometimes, you get a secret like that, and it is salty from tears and sweet from hope and you can’t help but savor it a bit before you pass it on.
Yesterday, I got to taste a secret like that.
“They called, Baby!” he said when I got home, “and I’m in!”
“You are? Really?” I grabbed my husband around the neck and held him close because I almost couldn’t believe it. It was over. The months of waiting, the year without a job, the praying and hearing and second-guessing–it was all over.
The Army had approved Jeff’s application to Active Duty. He would be a full-time chaplain after all.
Chaplain Glover
Relief and sadness and joy swirled around all at once as we stood in the living room, just the two of us, holding that secret between us. I looked in his eyes and he looked every bit like a man who had seen God come through when there was no plan B, no back door, no detour. Not really. There were leads and there guesses but there was no surety. There was just this, this thing we half-felt called to do and the shadow-fear that we might have heard it wrong.
We might have heard it wrong.
That’s the kind of thing that keeps me up at night, that keeps me trembling at the walls of Jericho, facing a wall thicker than my resolve. What if we heard it wrong?
It is a nagging doubt that wakes me from a restless sleep and makes me lay out fleeces in the damp of the night because my confidence doesn’t stretch our far enough to cover up the dust. And I tremble when I should be sleeping while the dew falls thick all around, and I know it should quench my doubt.
But it doesn’t.
Because I realize, with holy dread, that the voice of God is not enough. I want to see His hand. I want to wrestle around a bit, flesh to flesh, so that when the night finally slips into morning at least I know I had something more than just a voice in my head. I want to know I saw His hand.
Yesterday, we saw His hand, and we knew, finally, that this calling was more than just a voice inside our heads. All the doors were opened that once had been closed and suddenly, the questions dissolved and the answers stood out bright like day.
But I stood in the hallway for just a bit, holding that secret and that little glimpse of His hand. I know, now, where to walk, and it feels altogether lovely to know I am not running ahead or lagging behind. I am where I should be.
I kick my feet against the fleece on the ground, and stare at it, shame-faced for having put it out there to begin with. Because it is dripping with glory and drenched in grace, and I should have known better. I should have listened to His voice.
But it is just like God to say things twice, or three times because He knows children have troubling hearing. It is just like God to put signs in the desert and mess with fleeces when His words should be enough. It is just like God to show me His hand by grasping mine.
It is the kind of thing I want to hold to myself for just a bit, like a secret, and remember when the sun shines hot over the promised land and I begin to wish I was back where I started. I want to remember this unmistakable glimpse of God’s hand. This is where He is leading us, and this is where we gladly go.
The Glover boys
Oh, I AM excited!! So glad to hear this news!!!!
How wonderful! Praise the Lord for what I know is his perfect timing. My husband was a Marine aviator, and I spent 26 years as a military wife. It was a wonderful experience for all our family. Blessings to you on your new assignment and your new journey.
Wow, that’s amazing! We are so excited to see what God does. Jeff spent three years in the Air Force (enlisted) before we were married. He never thought he’d go back in to the military! But, it’s amazing how God can change hearts. Jeff has such compassion for the young enlisted “grunts” because he knows what that is like. He’s really excited to get to minister to them!
I think being a military chaplain is definitely a unique “calling,” so I’m glad your husband has been able to answer that call. I think it might be quite a challenge, a lot more hoops to have to jump through, regulations, etc., as opposed to pastoring a church, teaching, etc., (not that pastoring a church is without its challenges — my son-in-law is a pastor, and I know the challenges there as well). But the need is great, the field is ripe unto harvest, and I think you will both be blessed beyond measure as you bless others. And have fun blooming wherever God plants you.!
It has been a long road, but you have walked it well. I still think Jeff should be here–at the school–but I know he is going to be a remarkable chaplain. He has the mind and the heart for it. Love to you all.
Thank you, Laura. We have been blessed, not only to have had the experience of teaching at Providence, which was so good for Jeff in so many ways, but also to have the chance to wait and watch God provide.
So happy for you all. The military family is wonderful!! My hubby has been in for 20 years. Good luck with the move and all that is to come.
Thank you, Jodi!
What great news that is for you. I know God is going to do Great things! Consider yourself hugged and loved!!
Thank you! I’ll take that hug!
Congrats! In my state of small faith, it’s so wonderful to read about God’s guiding hand.
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!!!
So happy for your family! Such a blessing to see all you have gone through and see (at least from what you have told us) your faith and trust in Him! So wonderful that you have heard and He has led you to where He was pointing! Does Jeff have an assignment yet or do you know where you will be moving?
We should be getting orders in 2-3 weeks. We really have no idea where they’ll put us, although we have found out that it’s likely they’ll keep him at Ft. Lewis because they are down chaplains there. We’d still have to move because it takes Jeff about 1 1/2 hours to get to the base on his duty weekends. But we really don’t care where they send us. We’re looking forward to jumping in to ministry!
Congratulations! If there’s one thing I’ve learned as my husband has been in the military it’s that God can open doors when everyone else says they’re shut and there’s no way in. You will be a blessing to so many.
Thank you, Abby! I really can’t wait to get involved as an Army wife (it feels strange to say that!). Jeff was in the Air Force long before I came along, and he’s been a reservist for a while now, but I don’t get to be involved much because we live so far from post. I’m excited to start working together as a team!
I am so happy for you! Bless you in your new ministry.
Thank you, Gail! We are over-the-moon excited!
Sweet relief! Congratulations and thanks for sharing your wonderful secret:)
XO,
Christy