Moms always ask me how I have trained my kids to be such good eaters.  As an experienced mother, it is my pleasure to share these eight simple ways to get your toddler to eat anything:

1)      Drop the food on the floor and ignore it.  If this is your first child, clean the floor first.

Rule: The dirtier the floor, the more excited the toddler will be about eating the food she finds.

2)      Refuse to share it.  Remember these four magical words:  “You can’t have any.”

Rule: Toddlers are obligated by the terms of their Toddler Contract to defy any phrases containing the words no, can’t, don’t, and stop.  Use this in your favor.

3)      Say to your husband, in front of said child, “Let’s eat this later after the kids are in bed.”

Rule: Jealousy is your friend.  Your best friend.

4)      Hide it in the corner of the minivan, covered in fuzz and scream, “Oh, no!  Don’t eat that!  It’s disgusting!  Who knows how long it’s been there?!”   The more horrified you are, the better he will like it.

Rule: Freaking out Mom is worth any amount of personal sacrifice.

5)      Serve it to him naked.  The toddler, not you (that would be weird).

Rule: Toddlers are always happy to support organic options.

6)      Put it on a stick.

Rule: Everything tastes better on a stick.  Especially if it’s a dirty stick (See Rule #1).

7)      Put the stick in an open fire.

Rule:  Everything tastes better when cooked with fire, especially if the fire is started by the toddler while Mom is on the phone and she freaks out when she discovers her baby playing in the flames and has to call the fire department and can’t stop crying when she tells Daddy about it when he gets home from work (See Rule #4).

8)      If that doesn’t work, put it in the dog’s bowl and leave the room.  If this is your first child, clean the bowl first.

Rule: Everything tastes better when shared with a friend.

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