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A Zero-Budget Christmas: The Gift Conversation

Zero-Budget Christmas

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 8: How to have that awkward gift conversation

Christmas rushes in this week, ready or not. You might think it’s too late to think about a Zero-Budget Christmas—you just need to get the gifts and get it done! But this last post in the series is meant to help you make the changes you need to make to give thoughtfully for years to come. In other words, I’m going to help you have that awkward gift conversation.

As we said in the previous post, most of us give presents to more people than we should. Our resources are limited, but because our hearts (or our guilt) are big, we end up overextending our budget, only to regret it later. That cycle continues year after year after year because we don’t stop and make the decisions we need to make to regain control over our holiday budgets. Cutting people off our gift-giving list feels very uncomfortable.

But if you are spending more than you should on gifts each year, you have the perfect opportunity this week to make some changes in a loving way.

Many of us will be spending time with loved ones over Christmas, or chatting on the phone. This is the time to have a gift conversation about next year. And it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable and awkward at all, as long as you are prepared.

But before you pick up the phone and tell your sister you’re not buying gifts for her kids anymore, take some time to evaluate. Think about all the purchases you’ve made in the last month, and all those you feel you still have to make. Are you satisfied with the way you gifted this year? Which gifts do you already regret purchasing? Did you make any purchases out of obligation? Are there people on your gift-giving list that you would stop buying for if you weren’t concerned about offending them?

Now, make a list of giving priorities from greater to least. I have created this gift-giving worksheet to help you out. Simply click and print!

Gift Giving worksheet

Here’s the important part: go through the list and cross off any names/events you can simply do away with. That office Christmas party? If it’s at the bottom of the list and you begrudge the fact that you have to come up with a $10 gift to bring each year, decide now that you simply won’t participate again. Cross it off; it’s gone.

Next, circle the names you’d like to eliminate from your list after you have a gift conversation with that person. If you’ve been in the habit of exchanging gifts with someone, don’t just stop giving. The dialogue is important. More on that in a minute.

Finally, underline the names you’d like to continue to gift to, but perhaps in a different way. That might mean choosing to spend less on that person in the future, or simply choosing to make her gifts from now on. Write down the changes you’d like to make, and get ready to have a conversation with that person if you think the change will be noticeable or needs their cooperation (like choosing to do an activity together rather than exchanging gifts).

Now, it’s time to have a conversation about gift-giving with those you love. Does the very idea make your heart race? Take a deep breath. The next section can help.

Awkward conversation about gifts

First, remember it’s a conversation, not a monologue. Go in with a heart to listen and love your people well. This is important because different people interpret gift-giving in different ways. For some, it’s a deeply meaningful act of love. For others, it’s just a nice thing to do. Gifts might mean little to you, but listen for the possibility that your loved one might feel differently, and respond accordingly.

Second, consider the timing. Wait until after this year’s presents are exchanged, or it will put a damper on the festivities. This year’s gifts have already been purchased. Enjoy them.

Later, you can start the conversation by saying something like this, “I really appreciate all the wonderful gifts you have given me this year, and I’ve truly enjoyed choosing gifts for you, but I have been thinking that it might be time to try something different next year because…..”

Third, don’t skip the because.  State your reasons clearly but lovingly. If your budget is tight, say so. If you’d like to have a less materialistic holiday, say that.

The why helps contextualize and validate your proposed changes. Even if your loved ones disagree, at least they will understand your concerns and, hopefully, will communicate theirs. Who knows? Your Great Aunt Susie may feel the exact same way but has been afraid she’ll offend you. You won’t know until you speak up.

Fourth, offer compromises. If you would like to do away with an exchange of gifts, but the other party does not, be prepared to offer some alternatives. We’ve gone over a few of them in the series already, but here are a few ideas to jog your memory:

  • Draw names to lessen the amount of gifts each person needs to purchase
  • Suggest family gifts over individual gifts
  • Propose an event or experience over a gift-exchange
  • Challenge everyone to give homemade gifts next year
  • Sponsor a child or support a charity as a family

Finally, remember that your relationships are always more important than any gift-giving disagreements. Always.

who to buy gifts for

If your loved ones simply can’t bear to change the way things have always been done, then let it go. Just don’t be pressured into spending more than you can afford. Do the other things we’ve talked about in this series, even if your recipients don’t go along. Put systems in place to create some Christmas capital for next year, plan to make your gifts, and stock your gift closet whenever you find a great sale.

Then, enjoy giving thoughtfully, knowing you have lived within your means while loving others well. That’s what a Zero-Budget Christmas is all about.

*To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.

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A Zero-Budget Christmas: Thoughtful Gift Ideas

Zero-Budget Christmas

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 7: Thoughtful gift ideas for your entire tribe

Wouldn’t it be lovely if you only had to think about Christmas gifts for one or two people? You could focus more time, attention, and resources on giving thoughtfully to those you care about the most.

But most of us have Christmas shopping lists that include family, friends, the kids’ teachers and coaches, employees or clients, the random gift exchange at the office and the ornament exchange at church and…and…and…pretty soon our Christmas budget has flitted away, $10 at a time. 

In this part of our Zero-Budget Christmas series, we’ll be tackling that giant gift-giving list. How can you give thoughtfully when your list is bigger than your budget?

First, pare down your shopping list. Most of us buy gifts for too many people. Take an honest look at your gift list and carefully consider eliminating your spending on any recipients who are there because of obligation. If you do not want to give a gift to someone, chances are, you shouldn’t. 

Consider also eliminating obligatory spending at social events. Those “bring a $10 gift to exchange” events really add up, especially if you have kids who are asked to bring gifts to their events. The great thing is, you do not have to participate! You don’t need another random $10 item in your house, and neither do they. So, stir the punch but sit the gift exchange out.

However, if paring down your shopping list is not an option, use some of the strategies we’ve already talked about in this series to do it on a zero-budget. Need more ideas? Read on.

Give an experience. If you normally buy for lots of relatives, why not organize a family event instead? This can be as simple or elaborate as you desire—anything from ice skating to a weekend away. The beauty of this plan is that no one has to purchase gifts for each other. The entire family decides, instead, to use their dollars to spend the day together making memories. Everyone pays his or her own way, which makes it do-able for everyone.

Give thoughtfully

Give time. Time is our most precious commodity, and yet the most underutilized! A gift of time can be whatever your recipient needs it to be. That is the key—think about a way you can bless the recipient. You can give an afternoon of helping her organize her cupboards, doing fix-it projects around the house, babysitting the kiddos, or planting flowers. Tell Dad you’ll power wash the deck or deep-clean the garage. It doesn’t matter what you do, the gift of time is ageless, free, and eternally significant. Plus, it equally benefits both the giver and the recipient because you get to be together.

Give an heirloom. One year, my grandmother gave each of my girl cousins and me a piece of hand-painted china that had been her mother’s. It was profoundly special to receive a gift that was a part of my family history, especially since I had my grandma right there to tell me all about it. It was so much more meaningful to receive a family treasure with a story than a trinket of little lasting value.

So often, family heirlooms are divided up after our loved ones are gone. I remember going through my great-grandmother’s attic with all of my distant aunts and uncles and cousins, putting her things in piles for everyone to take home. How much nicer it would have been if she had been able to give those things away to each one of us herself. 

We all have meaningful things we can begin to give now. I have rings I plan to give to each of my daughters when they turn 18. My husband has been parsing out his knife collection to our nephews and boys as soon as they are old enough to care for them. Of course, these things have value, but they are even more significant because of the story, and choosing to give those things away while we’re still alive means we can share the story–not just the thing–with another generation.

Give thoughtfully for less

Give words. My elderly neighbor took the time one year to write down her life story, from living in Norway during the German occupation to the sudden death of her young husband. She included family pictures with notes under each one, bound it, and gave it to her grandson.

She gave a copy to us, too, and it is one of our most treasured possessions.

Even if you are not a writer or do not have the time to pen your entire life story, you can give the gift of words. Simply take the time to write a special letter to each of your children, siblings, parents, or anyone who is important to you. Tell that person how you feel about them, and why. That will be the gift they treasure forever.

Give to something bigger. Maybe your budget doesn’t stretch very far in this country, but in most of the rest of the world, your money is life. $25 in the United States buys a trinket someone doesn’t want or need. But $25 in Africa feeds a street mother and her children for a month.

Mercy House Global

Photo Credit: Mercy House Global

This year, make your budget work harder by giving to an organization that provides help and hope to people in need.

After you’ve donated, simply make a card for each person on your gift list telling them that a contribution was made on his or her behalf to the organization you have chosen. You don’t need to list the amount, but you might want to share a little bit about the people their gift has helped.

You can donate any amount in lieu of purchasing gifts and that money will work harder and do more good than anything you could buy with it in our country.

It would be impossible to list all the wonderful organizations you could support, but one of my favorites is Mercy House Global. Rather than just giving charity, they rescue pregnant and very young mothers and teach them a skill so these women can have the dignity of providing for their children on their own.

You can donate to Mercy House or go the extra mile and purchase the hand goods these women have made directly from their store. Either way, women and children are rescued and given new hope because of your gift.

Anyone on your list would be thrilled to be a part of something like that, even though you did it on a (nearly) zero-budget.

Back to Africa

Photo credit: Mercy House Global

*To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.

 

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A Zero-Budget Christmas: Homemade Gifts

Zero-Budget Christmas

A Zero-Budget Christmas

Part 6: Homemade gifts-help for the DIY challenged

 

We’re continuing our Zero-Budget Christmas series with an entire post on one of the best ways to give thoughtfully with little money: creating homemade gifts.

Those of you who are crafty or creative love homemade gifts. You’re probably knee-deep in fabric scraps and Mason jars right now.

But if Christmas came around before your glue gun was warmed up, you might not be feeling the DIY vibe this year. Or perhaps you are not a crafty type of person. For those of you who can’t find your way out of a Hobby Lobby, making homemade gifts can be overwhelming.

This post is for you. Even if Pinterest gives you heart palpitations and you have very few days left to create any sort of Christmas magic, you can have a stash of homemade gifts ready in no time. Here’s how:

DIY Christmas

  • You do not have to be crafty or creative in order to make some great gifts. I did an entire series on this blog called Simply Homemade, which I created for people who don’t think they can make homemade gifts. These are simple, inexpensive, and very fast projects, yet they are gifts anyone can make and everyone would love to receive. Head there for instant inspiration!
  • Host a homemade gift exchange. Maybe you only know how to make one thing. You can knit a scarf or tie a fleece blanket, and everyone on your list has already gotten a million of those things from you. Here’s your solution: a DIY gift swap.

Everyone who attends makes multiples of one gift—their DIY specialty—to give to every other attendee. In exchange, they get a homemade gift from every other attendee. If six friends attend, that means each person leaves with six unique gifts to give—but each person only had to make one. Genius.

  • Make a craft kit. This is perfect if you’re short on time. Craft kits are hot items to buy, but the contents usually leave much to be desired. You can DIY a better kit on a lower budget. Choose a project, pre-measure or gather the supplies (you can use craft store coupons to save a bundle), and print the instructions. Package everything in a cute box and you’re done! This is perfect for the person who loves to craft but ran out of time to physically make the gifts.

You can even get your friends together to assemble craft kits assembly-line style to save even more time and money. Parse out the supply list so everyone brings something, and everyone goes home with something! As a bonus, you’ll get to spend time with friends during the hectic holiday season.

Homemade gift ideas

 

  • Give the gift of gourmet. Freezer meals. Homemade monkey bread. Peanut brittle. These are all food gifts that rock. Who wouldn’t want to get a homemade lasagna to stick in the freezer for a crazy Christmas night?! Food gifts are awesome because, as far as I know, we all need to eat. And we all like it.

But, if your culinary skills are lacking, you can hack this idea by creating food mixes. Similarly to the idea above, simply assemble the ingredients, print some directions, and package everything up in Mason jars.

One year, I made mocha mix and homemade marshmallows to give. Another year, it was dry soup mixes. Search Pinterest and you’ll find a million cookie-in-a-jar mixes.  The best part is, you don’t have to bake a thing.

Don’t forget to use coupons and online apps such as Ibotta to save on the ingredients or earn money back on the stuff you’ll buy anyway (roll those savings into some Christmas capital for next year). Walmart has a fantastic curbside delivery service in many areas, and if you haven’t used them before, you can save $10 on your first order. And it is. the. bomb.

  • Stick with tradition. If creativity is not your jam, pick one thing you can make, and make it every year.

My mother-in-law makes the most amazing cinnamon rolls. It’s something we look forward to every year. If she ever stops doing it, there will be a revolt. A pan of her cinnamon rolls is a fantastic gift, and exactly what we all hope she’ll make.

Growing up, one of my aunts made hard candy every year and gave it away in jars. I don’t remember most of the gifts I got as a child, except for the really special ones, but I remember jars of Aunt Carolyn’s “Rock Candy,” as we called it.

Make a tradition of the one thing you do well and your people will look forward to it all year long.

  • Assemble gift baskets. Alright. So, you can’t craft and you can’t bake. Don’t worry–gift baskets are where you can shine. Pick a theme, like Movie Night, Cookies and Cocoa, Spa Day, Dig in the Dirt (gardening stuff), Snow Day—the sky’s the limit—and gather items that fit the theme. Scope out your local thrift store for inexpensive baskets, or use things like dollar store laundry baskets, storage bins, or even wrapped shoe boxes to create a container for your goodies.

Then fill it up! A movie night theme basket could include things like DVDs (shop your own collection or get some great finds secondhand), microwave popcorn, box candy, glass bottles of soda, and straws. A spa basket could include candles, a classical music CD, lotions, a loofah sponge, and a good book.

The best part about gift baskets is you can shop all year using coupons to put together very inexpensive themed gifts. You can even use these as family gifts (try a Game Night theme) so you can knock out that Christmas list even faster.

 

Homemade Christmas ideas

The bottom line is, anyone can make homemade gifts. Just have fun with it. Even if your projects don’t turn out quite the way you had hoped, your thoughtfulness and love for the recipient will shine through.

And isn’t that what Christmas giving is all about?

To begin reading A Zero-Budget Christmas from the beginning, start here.

**During this series, affiliate links may be included for your convenience.

*

 

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I believe you can find grace for the mother you are and help to become the mother you long to be—a mom who has the freedom to choose the better things and enjoy her kids right now.

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