To the woman who loved him first:
an open letter to my mother-in-law on my anniversary
You loved him first, of course. I think you loved him better, too. Now that I am a mother, I know this. There is a way a mother loves better than anyone else ever can.
Because you loved him before, before he was anything but yours. You loved him when the only thing you knew about him was that he was a gift from God, and that was enough.
You loved him knowing you wouldn’t be able to keep him. Knowing he would never love you as much as you loved him. Knowing that one day, you wouldn’t even be the most important woman in his life anymore.
You loved him for me.
Long before I came along, you were there, growing that boy of yours into the man who would be mine. You shaped his character with godly virtues and hard corrections, discovered his gifts, delighted in his talents, and ceaselessly encouraged his calling.
Not that it was easy. I am a mother too, now, and I know this. There were scary nights and temper tantrums and habits that had to be broken. There were times you looked at that boy and wondered if you’d ever see the man.
You had to love him enough to discipline him, to make him do the things he didn’t want to do, and let him learn the hard lessons. You had to sit up with him night after night after night, helping him do his homework so one day, I could sit by his side at his graduation. All of them.
You loved him when it was hard.
And that has made loving him all the easier for me.
By your example, you taught that little boy what love is, how it is sacrifice and time and commitment. How it is sincere and good and kind. How it has to be given away.
He did give it away—to someone else. On our wedding day, fifteen years ago, he promised me the same kind of unconditional love you had shown to him.
He could make that promise to me because you had loved him well.
You didn’t do it perfectly. I am a mother now, and I know that too.
But somehow, in loving him first, you loved me best.
All these years, your son has poured out on me the love you poured into him. On this, the anniversary of your boy becoming my man, I am grateful. I can think of no other woman I would rather share my husband with. Thank you for being the woman who loved him first.
It has made all the difference.
Mattfeld Ed says
Kristen, Ed & Pat Mattfeld here. We just read your tribute to Lois and found it very moving & we were
blessed! Thank you for sharing it.
We found out last night that Lois had fallen and is in the hospital. We’ll be praying that the Lord will give grace, mercy and comfort to you and the family during these times.
Kris Huggins says
This is beautifully written and being a mother of three boys all now married I am so grateful to God for giving me the tools as a mother. The best part about me reading this is that my daughter-in-law sent this to me – thank you Molly – I love you for honoring me this way.
Elizabeth says
Oh, my goodness, I am bawling! (And that has not been a common pregnancy symptom for me, so I’m pretty sure these tears are legit!)
Thank you for this inspiration. As I love my son, fully knowing there will most likely be another woman someday who comes first in his heart, I am encouraged that the love (read: life blood) I pour into him is not in vain, but rather will enable him to better love the woman God gives him to “replace” me.
Thank you for writing and sharing this! <3
MIL says
Oh Kristie….What can I say. This is so precious and you are so gracious to write it. Thank-you seems very inadequate, but I love you for writing it. I couldn’t have chosen a more wonderful and special gift to give Jeff than you. Before we left for the wedding, he came into the study and we talked. He said, “you know, mom, it won’t be the same with us. Kristie will come first now, and we won’t have the talks we used to.” I knew that was true, and I also had a long term perspective, since I lost MY mom at age 20. I know eternity is right around the corner for all of us, and we will all be together FOREVER!! I LOVE YOU more than I can say. It’s been a joy to watch your marriage and how you guys compliment each other.
Jan says
Beautifully written! I got to watch you love Jeff in those formative years – great memories. A job well done, and worth all the effort!